The two kinds of victim

The two kinds of victim



Some clients they will never recover because they spend their time feeling sorry of themselves. The victim client likes to be in that place because they will always have a justification to go use again. Are two kinds of victim; the one who is quite, and the one who spends all the time complaining? So lets start with the first one; the quite one. The quite one will never tell you is going to use, because everything they do they do it quite. They wont tell you how you make they feel, the wont tell you what they think, they wont tell you nothing, they always tell you they are ok. They live by resenting people, places and things. Like you need water, food, and breath, they need resentments in order to justify their use. They have the need to blame someone for their shortcomings. They do not take responsibility for nothing. They will agree always with you, but in deep of their hearts they hate you, they envy you. This kind of victim will cry a lot in order to manipulate you. They will tell you how bad their family was, how bad the system is, and how much they feel harmed by it. They will use possible abused in order to have people having sorry for them. Here is the thing, while you are feeling sorry for someone you won’t be able to see who they really are, and what role they played. Is exactly that what they want, not be seen. They love to have people around who take care of them. Don’t forget this kind of victim cries a lot and every time you confront them they cry pretending they are very fragile and hopeless. They will make sure you take responsibility for them by making you feel guilty. They will go as many times do you want to treatment, but before that they will make sure you will be taking care of their needs. They will ask you for cigarettes, money, candy, basically they will ask you for everything they need. They will come home telling how good the counselors are and how much they are changing their lives. At the end of treatment they will change the story; smooth, they will start telling how bad they are and how much they are harming them. They will tell you amazing stories in order for you to feel sorry of them. They want to hear: how my God! How ca you are healthy in a place like that??? I am so sorry for you! This is a victim game. Like in beginning of this document we read they will always play double. They will try the counselor and group to be sorry of them by saying how bad their family is and how much they were harmed by them. With the family they will tell how bad the counselors are and how much they have been harmed by them. Because they make sure you will take responsibility for their lives, you will believe you always are in control of them. But I have bad news for you; is them who are in control, and never you. So how can I find out whom are they? Easy; they walk slow, they don’t talk laud, they sit in groups with face down, they will always tell you yes and thank you, they will have no problem to tell you they were abused, and they will cry a lot. They don’t buy things for themselves or even take care of their selves. They won’t participate too much in groups, they won’t talk too much around people, and they will talk just in their rooms at night when just a small percent of people are around. They will carry secrets everyday but they won’t tell you anything. They do not break the rules until almost the end of treatment; they will agree always with you, they will smile always at you. In their sexual life they will do whatever their parterners want. Remember, they always say yes to everything. Normally they will wear most of the time the same clothes and sometimes dirty, they will be the ones always by theirselfes in couch, or isolated from the others. They will walk with face down, they will sleep a lot. They will ask you for what they need shaking and sometimes with a twist speech. They will go use like a little revenge against you.What can I do? Shake them when they are not expecting. Surprise them when they are not expecting. Let give me some examples: if they start talking about abuse, give this answerer: I am sorry about that. Let’s move on, so what you want to talk about today? Surprise them at group when they raise their hand to talk and you pretend you are ignoring them. Let everyone talk, but don’t let them. At the end of the group ask them how they are feeling? This is very interesting because you can be able to see them became red of anger. They became like dragons ready to spit fire on you. Tell them to speak up and do not accept their smooth talk. Don’t forget they will just start breaking the rules at the end of treatment because they feel save and they were able to play everyone. Don’t let them to surprise you, make sure you will surprise them first. Remember their goal is to build resentments, not handle how learn to deal with that. They want a valid justification to go use, because they are cowards, and weak.
Now let’s see the other kind of victim, the one who spends their time blaming everything. These ones are what I call the drama ones and the chaos ones. They will make sure you will be as miserable than them. They will fight all the time with everyone and they will be very proud of that. The difference between them and the other victim is these ones will walk always with their face up, will speak laud, sometimes even scream, they will dress well and clean. They always want to share in group and once they do they will make the group hostage. The group becomes all about them. They will spend the group challenge you and complain. They will break a lot of rules in order to tell you how much they don’t agree with the system. They will tell you is your fault everything happens in your life. They will tell you they are screaming at you because you didn’t gave them the attention they need to, or you don’t do whatever they want to. When you confront them, they will tell you are people who do worse things than them. They live by resentments and breathe resentments. They refused to forgive in order to justify their mistakes with your mistakes. They seek revenge. They will choose weak people to bring them down with them. So how I find out who are them? Easy, they will spend the entire time saying; I don’t need you, I don’t need this or that, I can do the thing by my own. They complain all the time, they fight a lot and they have to have the last word. They walk straight, doing an intimidating face all the time. They will call you names, and scream. They will point the finger at your face and will tell you how wrong you are. Like the other kind of victim they won’t accept responsibility for their behaviors. The only time they are is when they are full of anger, but that just happen when they ca not fight with you for some reason. The other kind of victim will make sure you will have their needs meet and they want you around to do what they don’t want. This other kind of victim they will tell you they don’t need you, and they will spend all the time rejecting help, because they feel they are they are the victim and no one understands them like they want to.