first marriage

I was 15 years old when I ran away from home. I remember I had to take pills to get courage to do it. I still remember what I felt. I felt butterfly’s in my belly. It's weird when I stop to look back I am able to feel all the feelings I felt in that events of my life. I show up at my first husband door, and I remember I wasn't quite sure about what I was doing. I remember I wanted to be someone’s. I wanted to be a strong kid, with courage to rebellious, but my inside/ my heart was in conflict. I can tell you now the conflict was because in deep inside of me I didn't want to. My first husband was extremely abusive, physical, and emotional. I remember one day I gave him lunch, and I touch in his shoulder, and just because of that he beat me up. He would beat me up for anything or nothing. He would beat me up if I was wearing make up. I remember he would take me to a house full of people, watching ANTRAX live concert. Every day was the same DVD, and we all was there smoking AX SMILIAR AS Marijuana. Was there a guy using other drug, and I remember he always fell asleep. I remember I told my husband that guy should work a lot because he was always sleeping. WRONG!!! Years late I find out that sleep is called heroin. My first husband had a best friend that I really hated. Oh, I hated him so much; he would do what he wanted. I remember if he decided he would take my first husband to ride motorcycles for days, and would leave me alone without know where he was. I remember the all the nights he spent in his house, and I was in window waiting for him. See in my country we live in buildings, and his building made front of my husband build, so I could see the others window. I remember the training, yep gang training. I remember they will leave in abandoned houses, to scary me of dead, just to see if I could get out. I remember ride in train not inside but outside, in high velocity, just my hands holding the train door. I felt so rejected, and so resented with that guy, that I made a decision. My decision would be seducing his best friend.... and I succeed. What becomes revenge had become following in love. Yep, I fell for the guy. I don’t remember how we were caught, what I remember was when that happen my first husband asked me to marry him, and I accepted. Why I married with him? Guilty. I remember married him but in love with the other one. I remember I hated my wending. I dint want to take pictures, I didn’t want nothing. After 6 months I left him. I was 18 years old at that time. I divorced him while I was I treatment with age of 26 years old. I didn’t see him since left until the divorce day. I remember the judge asked: Both feel the same way? Yes Ok then you is divorced now. Was quick, and cold, and I remember while I was in elevator I was feeling lost!!!!! I felt that something was taken from me. I remember I shared that in group; I was at half way house at that time. I never saw him again, until before I came to USA. Age 35, I was in train coming home and I saw him, and we spoke. he was a stranger for me. We said bye, and that’s all.

Transference

Today while I was signning the activity sheets I relaized that one client didnt gave on time her acitivity sheet. i pull her up for irresponsability, and gave her a help note. She went balistic on her sisters. i came out of the office and i told her to stop argue with otheres, and to accept responsability of her behaivor. she went balistic with me, and she decided to disrepesct me. i got mad in the beggining, but then the words of my mentor came to my mind " dont make it personal; is not about you, is about them." i circle her up, and let her saying what she need to say. she was in range!!! she was out of control, i could see if she could she would get phisical. because the way she was looking at me, i asked why she was looking at me like that, she reply saying that she was mad. was then i asked her: i want you to tell me who were the people you critizise, and judge you when you was a child. she broke down in tears. she couldnt stop crying, and she said that people was her parents, and that was hurting her so much. i told her if she doesnt expire to outside then she will inspire inside with drugs. if she doesnt cry that pain then will become range. she cried, and relieve some of that. she was not agnaist me i just remind her her parents, and that we call transference. i asked her to read something from one of my books, and she read: dear dad i'm going to say some things to you that i've never said before. first of all i want to tell you why i didnt spent much time with you. the reason is i didnt want to see you because i am afraid of you. ( this is what you did to me) when i was a very litle girl, i rememeber you become very cruel to me. you blamed me for eeverything that went wrong. you balmed me when my brother fell and hurt himself. you blamed me when my leg got broken. you told me jokes that were too dirty, talked about how sexy i looked in a sweater, and either treated me like a date or told me i looked like a whore. when a man tried to rape me you told that was my fault. when my husband beat me up , you told me was my fault. i really believed was my fault because you said so. you always told me how terribkle was my mother, and she never loved me. (how i felt about it at the time) i felt scared, humiliated, and confused. i wondered why you stopped loving me. i blamed myself for everything. i hated myself. i felt unlovable and disgusting. (how it affected my life) i was terrible demaged as a person. many men have been quite brutal to me, and i always thought it was my fault. when they beat me i would write them a letter of apology. i've had a deplorable lack of belief in myself, in my ability, and in my worthiness. (this is what i want from you) i want you to apologize for being such a cruel father. i want you to acknowledge that the harm you did to me caused me great hurt and pain. i want you stop the verbal attacks. good father dont blame,degrade, or insult their children. i am sorry you and me dint have the relationship we could have. i missed a lot by not being able to give my love to a father i so wanted to love. i will continue to send you cards, and help you because that makes me feel good. however, if i am going to see you, you're going to have to accept my ground rules. i dont know you very well, and i dont know your pains, or your fears. also, you might like to know that i am doing much better in life now. i dont let men beat me up anymore. we cant change the past, but we can begin again.

Who are toxic parents?

Who are toxic parents?



The inadequate parents: constantly focusing on their own problems, they turn their children into “mini – adults” who take care of them.


The controllers: they use guilty, manipulation, and even over helpfulness to direct their children’ lives.


The alcoholics: mired in denial and chaotic mood swings, their addiction leaves little time or energy for the demands of parenthood.


The verbal abusers: whether overtly abusive or subtly sarcastic, they demoralize their children with constant put-downs and rob them of their self – confidence.

The physical abusers: incapable of controlling their own deep – seated rage, they often blame their children for their own ungovernable behavior.

The sexual abusers: whether flagrantly sexual or covertly seductive, they are the ultimate betrayers, destroying the very heart of childhood – its innocence


YOU ARE NOT TO BALME FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU AS A CHILD – BUT YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

What I believe

I believe that people don't born crazy or with dual disorders.Like addiction, I believe that something happen in childhood. I don't look to my clients as criminals, I look at them as broken children with criminal thinking. Children that somehow their heart were broken by their first love - THEIR PARENTS
YES, our first love is our parents! they are the first ones we follow in love, we adore, we care, we want to be around. If that first love fails,the heart will be broken in a very young age. Even today I have a hard time when I have a broken heart, so can you imagine with 4 years old??? yeah that's right. during the years those lost children will search for that love, some of them will become sex love addicts, or going to use drugs, or even both. Run away of the topic, I had found out that even I can spend years and years looking everywhere, anyone for that love, I even can try, but the true is I will never will find out it! why? Simple, and let's face reality; nothing or no one can fill compensate that first love! No substance, or men can love me like a mother or a father, so therefor I have to face reality. that happen, and was a fact in my life.
the continue of that search will set me up to disappointment, because no one will substitute my parents. will feed my anger, and my self pity.
I wasn't crazy by doing this search, I just wasn't aware of what I was doing and the reason. the disappointment during the years made me depress, the drugs helped a lot that depression, because nothing fill the hole inside of me.
do you remember when you thought that if you change wife, job, place, country, drug , that would fix your problem??? do you remember you just felt disappointed, and frustrated, and didn't work out?
is not the same about looking for our parents love? yes, it is:)
see, in this process also becomes beautiful the learning of this, even if you are one of that children. The awareness of what really happen, and the understand of what happen with us allow us to move on, and set us free to make more wise choices in our life.
That is also the reason we love too much, or we resent too much, lol.
Someone yesterday told me that if I keep talking about the past that is a set up for me to remind all the things that didn't work. Is like unconscious having the need to remind it, and to keep in mind by feeding. I am the kind of the person that if I don't agree with you I will argue with you, until you get my point, but if you are right don't say nothing, and I even get more close to you to listen careful. Was what happen yesterday, I got quite because really made sense. now going back to the search for love.
I came to realized that lost children had become the ones who are unfaithful.
unfaithful had become something very crazy to do right? how come? why????
simple;
check this out

if a lost child doesn't face her past, what happen, and spends 20 years looking for her parents love, what do you think will happen? Addiction! vicious cycle.
That is exactly what happen.
You are aware that lost children they become bored in their relationships. the reason they become bored is because they don't have to look for love anymore, once they find it.
the beginning they will follow in love very deeply, almost suffocate, and the middle they will get bored, if they have a tranquilly relationship. they are vicious on search, and it's then they will break up, set up fights, or even become unfaithful.
Be unfaithful is all about seduction, and for them is away to keep looking over and over again.
today is 06/26/08 and I just realized this TODAY!
I believe the reason I had become aware of this today is exactly because yesterday someone told me if I keep looking at past will be there, and never will be enough the future. I will never be satisfied and value what I have, because isn't never enough.
we keep being the child forever, and what happen is, most of us refuse to have children, or even when we have we don't feel love.
Maybe this is also a reason the why addicts keep using drugs, and don't care about their children.
I have a client who went to the doctor, and while she was there she was balance her body back and forward while she she was sit on chair.
the doctor told she was MANIAC, because she was balance her body. The doctor gave her pills, and sent her back.
So now I have a client who thinks she is maniac, and the result of that is she will keep searching for love, and won't stop to be the lost child, and will not be the mother for her children.
Also now, I have a client who has more shame because was told she was maniac.
the client is not maniac.
do you remember when we were children we will balance our body while sit???
do you remember you did that while in school when we was in front of our teacher???
that was what the doctor didn't see... SHE DIDN'T SEE THE LOST CHILD TRYING TO GET THE DOCTOR APPROVAL, LIKE A LITTLE GOOD GIRL.
If I could, If I had the power, I would say : STOP calling them names! go to their childhood and you will find out all the reason why.
THINK WITH ME:


1 - FIRST LOVE = PARENTS

WHAT HAPPENED?

1- DRUGS / ALCOHOL

2 - WORKING TOO MUCH

3 - EXPECTING TOO MUCH

4 - HAVING A LOT OF RELATIONSHIPS

=

EMOTIONAL NOT AVAILABLE


- THE NO ACCEPTANCE OF THIS WILL TAKE YOU TO A PLACE:


LOVE ADDICTION


EXAMPLE:

WHAT HAPPENED WHEN YOU FIND A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP?

- BORED

WHEN YOU ARE BORED WHAT YOU DO?

- DRUGS

- FIGHT

- UNFAITHFUL / SEDUCTION VS SEX GAMES ( sometimes we get hard on this and give them hard consequences, and the only thing they are doing is searching for that love)

=

- KEEP LOOKING FOR LOVE BECAUSE HAD BECAME AN ADDICTION!



WHAT CAN YOU DO?

- FACE IT! YES, THAT HAPPEN, WAS REALLY!
FOR SOME REASON YOUR PARENTS DIDN'T LOVE YOU LIKE YOU SHOULD. FACE IT, GRIEF IT,LET IT GO, MOVE ON!

- ONCE YOU MOVE ON YOU WILL STOP TO BE THE LOST CHILD STILL WAITING FOR LOVE, AND YOU WILL BE EMOTIONAL AVAILABLE TO CREATE YOU OWN FAMILY.

And that is what they call FREEDOM......... free to move on :)

The need of a team

2 days ago I realized how important that is to work as a team. Let me explain why;
I am still afraid to interact with people. Every time I have to meet someone I normally don't talk, I just answer answers, and that's all. I don't know them, and I am afraid of them
When I say afraid of them is not because I am afraid they are going to hurt. The true is I feel inadequate mostly of the time with new people.
Normally I believe that I can work by myself, and I don't need anyone.
My mentor, who is also my supervisor, told before that he would have to get me some help at work, because I was single staff. I said ok but didn't make sense to me.
Anyway, now I understand. Recently I found out how much important work in team is. A few days ago I decided counseling a friend of mine, and I almost burn out. At the end I felt the feelings of be powerless, and I didn’t have anyone to process it.
I realized when I work with the team I can process my frustrations with them, and ask for advice. I can share the burn with them and that keeps me of burn out.
My work is very emotional and is about to give without expectations, well, to be honest, of course I still expect that I will create people who are going to succeed, lol, but anyway, like I was saying is about to give, and give and if I don’t have colleagues to return me what I gave I will feel miserable emptY.
Today I value that. I am been understanding a lot since I start working in this field. My mentor always told me I would learn, but I thought I already knew everything, lol.
Working with a team makes me a better counselor, and I feel more peace, so I transfer peace.
Even my groups became better, so better that clients don’t follow asleep, or notice that is already lunch time. My mind is free, my heart is open.

anxiety disorder

The only way to survive is allow yourself to feel that is ok to feel lost, and that is not going to kill you.
What is going to kill you soon or later is avoiding those feelings.
Recently I met a guy. Let me tell you about him. A few years ago he was a cop for 6 years, after that he gave up on his job and had become a paramedic.
As a paramedic he saw dead, he saw violent stuff, of course. Abandonment vs. lost
As a man he builds a relationship with a woman, and she left. She took all furniture, the child, and just left the dog. Abandonment vs. lost.
This was 4 years ago.
As a child his mother never gave me the attention he need to, so therefore he had grow up inadequate, without feel what is love and concern. Abandonment vs. lost.
His mother recently almost dies. So what happened????
His resentments had become guilty. How can I resent my mother????? How I dare???? I must be stupid!!!!!!! I am a bad person thinking those things when my mother almost dies. Abandonment vs. lost vs. guilty and shame
At the age of 15 years old his first love told him she was sleeping with other guys. Abandonment vs. lost vs. guilty and shame….thoughts: I must not be good enough for her = guilty; she slept with other guys = shame
As a teenager he tries drugs, and become rebellious. Like a normal teenager who doesn’t have the normal love, he had become rebellious in order to get some attention. He got! But the result failed. The only attention their parents gave to him was putting him in a mental health hospital = abandonment vs. lost = were other people taking care of them (doctors and nurses), were other people talking with him. Weren’t his parents like in deep of his heart is wanted to.
For 4 years he is been accumulating garbage in this house. He is bringing everything inside of his house.
I had the opportunity to go there and see with my own eyes. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got petrified, I couldn’t think, or react. I didn’t have a clue what I was seen, because even when I was use drugs, and I was living in dope houses, I never saw nothing like I saw yesterday.
One of the living room, the door doesn’t open because is full of boxes, furniture, and stuff. I really thought get out of there, and just run. Was very depressing, so sad, and so unreal.
I kept saying that he needs to get rid of that, and start working on that. I didn’t understand the reason why that happened.
For me was very easy to understand why he listens heavy metal, and the doors. I learned that 10 years ago that the music we listen change the way we feel, and often feeds anger.
Witch is case. He listens heavy metal, because he wants to feel angry. If he doesn’t feel anger he will calm down, witch would be healthy, but the problem is he doesn’t want to loose the anger, because he doesn’t know how to act without it. Once without anger his heart will be open again, but for him that means allow himself to get hurt again, to love, and to probably loose that ones. So the heavy metal is an act of refusing to feel peace, and love, avoiding to be hurt, and to loose = abandonment vs. lost. That fear of feel love, gives him extremely anxiety. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to, he is just scare to allow himself to feel love again.
The doors are to feed his self pity. You remember Jim Morrison don’t you? A man living in fantasy with no acceptance of the reality, and always blaming the world. If you remember is made an Indian his life reference, because once again he didn’t have the lovely parents that every child should have. If you also remember after few years he got what he kept looking for = BE DEAD / DIE. Unfourtnely for him was too late to be rescue. So that’s why he listens to that kind of the music. For some reason he wants to feed his self-pity, had become comfortable to him. Remember what I told you before, moving on to him is to scare now because he doesn’t know what can happen, and what life taught him was not be loved, and be abandoned, so is the only thing he knows. The future will give him anxiety disorder. The past will make him be in his comfortable zone: anger.
With anger is no space for love. The human heart doesn’t support both. In order for you to feel one you have to allow yourself to get rid of the other.
Today I understood the reason why he brings all the stuff home.. COMPENSATION IS WHAT IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!

How?
Simple

At this time all his past left a big hole inside of him. Every time he thought that job or that woman will fill that whole, he got abandonment and lost. Because he is codependent he went to look for his mother in other women. Women who wouldn’t be emotional available for him. Women who wouldn’t love him because they had a lot of issues, and therefore they would be busy on their issues, not his issues. He went to look for the job he would feed the lost abandonment, being a cop, and a paramedic. He would loose people, doesn’t really matter if he knew that people or not, what matters is he would watch them go, and he would be powerless, with no control over them.
Let’s now see the reason of the messy house.

The 3 reasons, the 3 big trues

So here comes the compensation.

1- ABANDONEMENT

Once he is bringing and keeps garbage in this house he is trying to fill the hole inside of him. Remember garbage doesn’t move until you move it. So that means garbage doesn’t run away, or walk out of the door. Garbage stays! Doesn’t go anywhere, so garbage will never abandon him.


2 - LOST

Never get rid of that stuff is away to not feel the lost of letting go.
I remember that one of the things he doesn’t like me to hear say is: let it go, move on.
I use that a lot when I am talking with someone, and I notice he told me to quit saying that LET IT GO, MOVE ON.
Today I understand why; that words for him means loose something = lost
So that why he kept garbage because he doesn’t want to feel the lost.
Once he feels the lost he goes back to his childhood when mother is didn’t love me like he would like to, so he had become a lost child.
Taking garbage for the house will place him as a lost child again.
I bet once is does that, at the end he will sit down in living room in a chair, looking at the television with a block thinking = looking to the infinite. Vs. lost child vs. incomplete human being


3 - RELATIONSHIPS VS REJECTION

That house is perfect to avoid relationships, BECAUSE is full of garbage, so how come has space for a woman there??????
Doesn’t have, and that is the all point on this!
Keeping the house full of garbage keeps away a woman vs. relationship.
Who wants to live there? No one! So if he doesn’t live with someone he knows that he is not going to be rejected / abandoned / loose a woman. If they never come, they will never leave. Right?
Before you reject me I will reject you, do you remember that is that is written in all psychology books. Is proofed.
He wants to be rejected before he would fall in love even more. If I reject him now would be easy for him. Is early he would feel, but he wouldn’t feel too much.
The message was: see no space here for you.



CONFUSION

How he thinks:

- I am in love with her
- I want her with me
- She is going to abandoned me
- I am going to loose her because she will leave

At this point I believe that is having several anxiety about this

His heart his telling him to open again and let me in

His fear of abandonment is challenging his heart, and therefore he will challenge me


PORNO

They don’t talk. They are just naked pictures, so therefore they cannot reject him. He has the power to do that. He just needs to change webpage. He is in control. He doesn’t NEED to deal with a real woman. He avoids feeling, because they are unknown people who can never reject him, or abandoned him.



Hookup website

If one fails he has another one to talk. If one rejects him, has another one who is going to talk with him = once again = COMPENSATION


WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW?

THE BRAIN IS IN CONFLICT WITH HIS HEART = SEVERE ANXIETY= ANGER = TIRED = SLEEP = GIVE UP = END = DEAD

WHAT TO DO?

BASIS -

1- Stop listen heavy metal vs. the doors

2- Spend 10 minutes putting stuff on garbage, and allow he to feel the lost

3- Stop watching porno, and allow he to feel love just for today

4 - Having at least 3 meals a day

5 - Vitamins complex B


Just these 5 things will save his life, and rescue his life again

If you know someone like that just tell them that the only way to live life is by following their heart


Ivone V. 06/23/08

This was publish with his consent


I admire you, and I am greatfull for your existence


P.S. Just today 06/25/08 while I was driving to my work, I remind that I already saw a house like that - my mother's house!

unbelieve! I just remind that after 3 days

12 STEPS ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW ABOUT STEP 8/11/12

12 STEPS ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW ABOUT STEP 8/11/12
8 step
We made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
a) In NA sometimes i hear people saying "i am doing emends...." most of that people are doing without done yet the step 4. All of steps have a sequence if u can look careful. So, why this step it’s the 8????????? Well after u made the step 4 u are able to pick up from there the persons you have to make those emends.
9. We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others
Ok what the 9 step means?
The nine step has an important information… you can’t see in there but is there :)
The step 9 teaches us about honesty and the limitations about that. Are people thinks they have to be honest everyday every time no matter what? sometimes its a twisted thing because we gaer we have to be honest in this program....ok we have for sure ...but we have to have balance in that. I cant say to a person: you know what I hate...I am sorry but I have to be honest I cant say: I had an affair with your wife and now I am doing emends and I have to be honest with you.... the answer to that probably will be: ok and now u finished my married, lol we have to have the wisdom to see when we can be honest or when u just shut up. One day I was in a meeting and a hear a guy sharing: I had cheated my girlfriend and now I have to tell her and ask her sorry." I went over the guy and I said: you can’t do that! U r not is honest... you just want get rip of the guilty if that guy goes over the girlfriend and if tells the true a few things will happen:
1- He gets rip of guilty and he will gives that guilty to the girlfriend. How? Simple....after she gets mad she will start think: was my fault...I am not good enough...what I have the wrong. I must have something... ia m not beautiful enough..etc so I told the guy: was your mistake so it’s your responsibility so now feel that and you will grow thru that pain. I know it’s hard to feel that guilty but now you have to feel it because it’s your consequence not hers consequence.
11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us, and the power to carry that out one more step with a lot of information...look careful and you will see this step get us ready to step 12 but this step bring us again to step 1 and 3. how?
Simple: carry the message isn’t saying: you have to do and you have to do now. No...Isn’t like that....recovery it’s a long process... a long road so why we came again to step 1 and 3? 1 - You carry the message but you have to understand you are powerless over that person. You give the information to that person and after you jump to step 3 ... letting the information in God hands (let it go) when we don’t do that it’s because that message it’s an ego thing, we want results and we want it now... BUT here comes again the consequences. How?
If u don’t admit you are powerless you are ready to start feel anger=empty=resentments you became enemy of yourself. But if you follow the step 11 you will see in step 12 how much gratitude you will feel. You will feel full of happiness and gratitude...because you are doing that for free like NA does with you.

SPONSORSHIP vs. EGO vs. BULLSHIT vs. IGNORANCE

SPONSORSHIP vs. EGO vs. BULLSHIT vs. IGNORANCE


I NEVER LOOKED UP TO THIS SUBJECT AS I AM DOING NOW.
FOR ME WAS NOT VERY IMPORTANT TO LOOK UP WHAT IS A SPONSOR AND WHAT IN NA WORLD THAT MEANS FOR FEW
NOW I AM AWARE BECAUSE I AM IN A DIFFERENT CULTURE AND IN HERE IS WHAT NA IS ABOUT.
I AM DESAPOINTED!!!!!!
I SEE PEOPLE TRYING TO DO THE COUNSELOR JOB, AND LET ME TELL YOU, THEY DO IT VERY BAD
THEY ARE DEMANDING, CONTROL FREAKS, AND EGOCENTRIC PEOPLE AND NORMALY WITH A LOT OF ISSUES TO RESOLVE.
WELL, WHAT CAN I EXPECT FROM PEOPLE WHO HAVE A LOT OF ISSUES? NOTHING REALLY, WRONG, BECAUSE THOSE PEOPLE ARE THE ONES WHO TRY TO FIND A LOT OF SPONSEES IN WAY TO HIIDE THEMSELFS.
YOU KNOW, ITS ALWAYS BETTER TALK ABOUT OTHERS BECAUSE LIKE THAT THEY DONT HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THEMSELFS, THEY EVEN DONT KNOW HOW TO TALK ABOUT THEMSELFS!
ALL MY LIFE I HEARD A SPONSOR IS SOMEONE WHO GUIDES YOU IN YOUR STEP WORK.
SOMEONE YOU CAN RELATE TOO WHEN YOU WILL DO YOUR STEPS.
THE REAZON IS FOR YOU NOT FEEL ALONE OR DIFFERENT THAN...
ISNT WHAT I SEE!
I SEE PEOPLE GIVING ASSINGMENTS AS " WHO IS AN ADDICT"
MY GOD!
WHO IS AN ADDICT???
ARE THEY THERAPEUTS, WHOM ARE GOING TO TEACH THEM WHO IS AN ADDICT.
ISNT A BIG SECRET BECAUSE WHEN YOU GO TO WIKEPEDIA YOU CAN READ IT An addiction is a recurring compulsion by an individual to engage in some specific activity. The term is often reserved for drug addictions but it is sometimes applied to other compulsions, such as problem gambling and compulsive overeating. Factors that have been suggested as causes of addiction include genetic, biological/pharmacological and social factors.
NORMALY THE SPONSEES THEY SPEND LIKE 1 MONTH IN THIS GOING ON, WHEN WHAT THEY SOULD BE DOING IS WRITING A STEP 1 TO START TO SEE THE CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR USE OF DRUGS.
ISNT THIS THE STEP 1????
I THINK IT IS!
SO WHY THEY ARE NOT STARTING WITH STEP 1? WHY THEY ARE STARTING WITH SOMETHING THEY EVEN DONT HAD THE UNDERSTANDING OF THAT????
THE FUNNY THING IS IF YOU ASK TO YOUR SPONSORS WHO IS AN ADDICT THEY ARENT GOING TO ANSWER, OR THEY WILL TELL YOU A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT.
BUT I AM INVINTING YOU TO ASK THEM TO DEFINE WHO IS AN ADDICT.
NOW LET ME TELL YOU A STORY.
RECENTLY SOMEONE I KNOW IS DOING STEP 4, IS DOING FROM A BOOK A IP.
THE PERSON BELIEVES THE STEP 4 IS ALL ABOUT RESSENTEMENTS AND QUALITIES.
NA GIVES YOU A STEP WORK GUIDE VERY WELL ELABORETED, I DID IT MYSELF LAST YEAR AND I CAN TELL WAS MADE BY WISDOM PEOPLE
STEP 4 TOUCH POINTS AS :
SEARCH
Searching is the act or process of a thorough examination in order to find something concealed.
MORAL INVENTORY
Moral Inventory is a "fact-finding and fact-facing" process

Morality (from Latin moralitas "manner, character, proper behaviour") refers to the concept of human action which pertains to matters of right and wrong—also referred to as "good and evil"—used within three contexts: individual distinction; systems of valued principles—sometimes called conduct morality—shared within a cultural, religious, secular or philosophical community. Personal morals define and distinguish among right and wrong intentions, motivations or actions, as these have been learned, engendered, or otherwise developed within individuals. By contrast, ethics are more correctly applied as the study of broader social systems within whose context morality exists. Morals define whether I should kill my neighbour Joe when he steals my tractor; ethics define whether it is right or wrong for one person to kill another in a dispute over property
OURSELFS
I, ME
SPIRITUAL
Spirituality, in a narrow sense, concerns itself with matters of the spirit. The spiritual, involving (as it may) perceived non-physical eternal abilities regarding humankind's ultimate nature, often contrasts with the earthly, with the material, or with the worldly. A sense of connection forms a central defining characteristic of spirituality — connection to something "greater" than oneself, which includes an emotional experience of religious awe and reverence. Equally importantly, spirituality relates to matters of sanity and of psychological health. Like some forms of religion, spirituality often focuses on personal experience (see mysticism).
Spirituality may involve perceiving or wishing to perceive life as more important ("higher"), more complex or more integrated with one's world view; as contrasted with the merely sensual.
Many spiritual traditions, accordingly, share a common spiritual theme: the "path", "work", practice, or tradition of perceiving and internalizing one's "true" nature and relationship to the rest of existence (God, creation (the universe), or life), and of becoming free of the lesser egoic self (or ego) in favor of being more fully one's "true" "Self".
PRINCIPLES
The term moral obligation has a number of meanings in moral philosophy, in religion, and in layman's terms. Generally speaking, when someone says of an act that it is a "moral obligation," they refer to a belief that the act is one prescribed their set of values.
FEELINGS
Feelings convey information about situations, on both conscious and subconscious levels, via at least 30 neurochemicals acting alone or in concert in complex ways.
The feeling of fear, for example, is an anticipation of injury, broadly defined. It raises the levels of brain chemicals such as adrenalin and cortisol. In healthy subjects, fear is triggered by stimuli that indicate the presence of risk or direct danger. However, even in the absence of a direct threat, thoughts (the active comparing and contrasting of data), unconscious brain patterns, and imaginings can also promote fearful responses. Fear can therefore be deliberately induced, as occurs regularly in both the political and entertainment realms.
GUILT
Guilt is the emotion or belief that one has done something wrong. From a legal perspective it can also refer to the condition of having done something legally wrong, regardless of how one feels about it.
SHAME
Shame is the consciousness or awareness of dishonor, disgrace, or condemnation. Genuine shame is associated with genuine dishonor, disgrace, or condemnation. False shame is associated with false condemnation as in the double-bind form of false shaming; "he brought what we did to him upon himself". Therapist John Bradshaw calls shame the "emotion that lets us know we are finite".
RESENTMENTS
Resentment is an emotion of anger felt as a result of a real or imagined wrong done.
FEAR
Fear is a distressing emotion caused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc, especially dread to meet or experience the danger.
Psychologists such as John B. Watson and Paul Ekman have argued that fear, along with a few other basic emotions such as joy and anger, is innate in all human beings. Fear is a defensive, survival advantage, and may have evolved in a variety of organisms. It is usually a response to a particular stimulus. For example, a person may see a spider and experience fear. Fear serves as motivation to escape to safety.
An example of this may be something dangerous and spontaneous, during this situation the blood goes to big muscles (like legs) and adrenaline is pumped out to the muscles allowing the person to run faster. In addition, the body freezes up just an instant allowing the brain to decide if another reaction would be better (like hiding). In the brain, hormones are released centering the attention on the threat always looking for the most accurate reaction.
REALTIONSHIPS
An intimate relationship is a particularly close interpersonal relationship. It is a relationship in which the participants know or trust one another very well or are confidants of one another, or a relationship in which there is physical or emotional intimacy.
Physical intimacy is characterized by romantic or passionate love and attachment, or sexual activity
The meaning of intimacy varies from relationship to relationship, and within a given relationship. Intimacy has more to do with shared moments than sexual interactions. Intimate feelings may be connected or confused with sexual arousal. Intimacy is linked with feelings of closeness, safety, trust and transparency among partners in a collaborative relationship. For intimacy to be sustainable and nourishing it also requires trust, transparency and rituals of connection. It is possible to compete over intimacy but that is likely to be self-defeating. Intimacy requires empathy - the ability to stand in the other's shoes.
Intimacy is both the ability and the choice to be close, loving and vulnerable. Intimacy requires identity development. You have to know yourself and your innards in order to share your self with another. Knowing yourself makes it possible to stand for yourself in an intimate relationship without taking over the other or losing yourself to the other. This ability to be separate and together in an intimate relationship and being okay with that is called self-differentiation. Lacking the ability to differentiate one self from the other is a form of symbiosis. This too is different from intimacy though to some that kind of dependent closeness may feel the same.
From a center of self knowledge and self differentiation intimate behavior joins family, close friends as well as those with whom one is in love. It dwells in a reciprocity, which builds on self-disclosure and candor. However, poor development of intimacy can lead to getting too close too quickly; struggling to find the boundary and to sustain connection; being poorly skilled as a friend, rejecting self-disclosure or even rejecting friendships and those who have them.
The main forms of intimacy are emotional intimacy and physical intimacy. Intellectual intimacy, familiarity with a person's culture and interests, is common among friends. Members of religious or philosophic groups may also perceive a "spiritual intimacy" in their commonality. Some describe intimacy with the homonymous "into me see". Intimacy can also be identified as knowing someone in depth, knowing many different aspects of a person or knowing how they would respond in different situations, because of the many experiences you've shared with them.
Some lose themselves in the first flush of love. 'Falling in love' is a little different from intimacy per se. Some are engulfed by their families in a way that is not close or intimate even though it is described that way by those who are consumed by their family. The first flush of love can be like that too, but slowly the individual will assert themselves and this test the willingness of both to be intimate.
It is worth distinguishing intimate relationships from strategic relationships. Intimate behavior occurs in the latter but it is governed by a higher order strategy, of which the other person may not be aware. For example getting close to someone in order to get something from them or give them something. That 'something' might not be offered so freely if it did not appear to be an intimate exchange and if the ultimate strategy had been visible at the outset.
Secrets are generally hostile to intimacy in a committed relationship, but not knowing of the existence of a secret, one can continue to believe there is intimacy. Maintaining the illusion of intimacy may be a strategic skill where there is an imbalance of power brought about by the existence of a secret. Knowledge is the currency of power. Betrayal of intimacy can be a traumatic experience. The person can feel cheated as well as humiliated.

SEX
A key sexual behavior throughout the entire animal kingdom is the seeking of a sex partner. Humans are no exception to this rule. A sexual encounter can be the result of the sending signals indicating readiness for sex, and being receptive to reciprocal signals. Or, it might be the result of years of planning, through the use of cultural rituals such as courtship and marriage.
Common methods:
Personal choice - a person chooses for themselves their own partner, according to their own wishes
Status based roles - a high status person in some cultures may choose partners backed by the force of social custom, and low status persons have little or no choice or expectation of avoiding the same

ABUSE
Abuse refers to the use or treatment of something (a person, item, substance, concept, or vocabulary) that is seen as harmful. The term can be used for anything ranging from the misuse of a piece of equipment to the severe maltreatment of a person.
Several types of abuse include:
Spiritual abuse: abusive or aberrational practices identified in the behavior and teachings of some churches, spiritual and religious organizations and groups.
Sexual abuse: The improper use of another person for sexual purposes, generally without their consent or under physical or psychological pressure (which may include children whether abused by parents, those in loco parentis or strangers).
Verbal abuse: When a person uses profanity, demeaning talk, or threatening statements.
Emotional abuse or psychological abuse: coercion, humiliation, intimidation, relational aggression, parental alienation or covert incest: Where one person uses emotional or psychological coercion to compel another to do something they do not want, or is not in their best interests; or when one person manipulates another's emotional or psychological state for their own ends (see battered person syndrome), or commits psychological aggression using ostensibly non-violent methods to inflict mental or emotional violence or pain on another.
Child abuse: Abuse, usually physical, emotional or sexual, directed at a child.
Spousal abuse (or domestic violence): Abuse, usually physical, or psychological abuse, directed at one's spouse.

ASSETS
Assets have three essential characteristics:
They embody a future benefit that involves a capacity, singly or in combination with other assets, in the case of profit oriented enterprises, to contribute directly or indirectly to future net cash flows, and, in the case of not-for-profit organizations, to provide services;
It is not necessary, in the financial accounting sense of the term, for control of access to the benefit to be legally enforceable for a resource to be an asset, provided the entity can control its use by other means.
49 Character Qualities
Alertness
Attentiveness
Availability
Benevolence
Boldness
Cautiousness
Compassion
Contentment
Creativity
Decisiveness
Deference
Dependability
Determination Diligence
Discernment
Discretion
Endurance
Enthusiasm
Faith
Flexibility
Forgiveness
Generosity
Gentleness
Gratefulness
Honor
Hospitality Humility
Initiative
Joyfulness
Justice
Loyalty
Meekness
Obedience
Orderliness
Patience
Persuasiveness
Punctuality
Resourcefulness
Responsibility Security
Self-Control
Sensitivity
Sincerity
Thoroughness
Thriftiness
Tolerance
Truthfulness
Virtue
Wisdom


SECRETS
being or kept hidden.
. To fail to include or mention; leave out: omit a word.

a. To pass over; neglect.
b. To desist or fail in doing; forbear

WELL, IS MORE THAN RESENTEMNTS AND ASSETS, DONT YOU THINK.
WHAT NOT TO CHOOSE AS A SPONSOR:
1 - OVER WEIGH
MEAN: OVERWEIGH MEANS AS A CROSS ADDICTION WITH FOOD, EATS FEEELINGS, DONT TALK ABOUT IT

2 - PEOPLE WHO CHOOSE TO GO TO A MEETING WHEN THEY KNOW THE MOSTLY THE POPULATION THERE WILL BE WOMEN
MEAN: THEY ARE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING, THAT ONES THEY ARE THE ONES I CALLED THE SECRET PREDATORS, THE ONES WHO USE THEIR CLEAN TIME AND THEIR SHARES TO IMPRESS WOMEN.
NORMALY THAT PEOPLE ONCE THEY USUALLY IMPRESSED WOMEN WITH MONEY AND ONCE IN RECOVERY THEY WILL IMPRESS WITH SHARES AND CLEAN TIME.
DONT BE IMPRESS, JUST RUN AWAY. THEY ARE JUST MISERABLE , EMPTY AND SAD PEOPLE.
DONT FEEL ANGER WITH THEM, JUST FEEL SORRY FOR THEM.
AND IF YOU ARE A MAN READING THIS WORK OF MINE , PLEASE BE BETTER THAN THIS IN YOUR RECOVERY.
3 - PEOPLE WHO MAKE YOU CALL EVERYDAY
MEAN: ASK THEM IF THEY CALL EVERYDAY TO THEIR SPONSORS
4 - PEOPLE WHO TELL YOU TO SHUT UP
MEAN: IF THEY TELL YOU TO SHUT UP IS BECAUSE THEY CANT HANDLE WITH FEELINGS AND THAT MEANS EVERYTHING YOU WILL SAY WILL BE TOO MUCH FOR THEM.
THEY ARE NOT EMOTIONAL AVAILBLE, AND IF THEI ARENT EMOTIONAL AVAILBLE THAT MEANS THEY ARE NOT DOING THEIR OWN WORK WITCH IS LOOKING AT THEMSELFS
WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT YOUR SPONSOR:
1 - HOW IS HIS/HER RECOVERY AT HOME
JUST THAT, ITS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW :)
RECOVERY STARTS IN HOME WITH THE ONES WHO LIVE WITH US, IF THERE IS A LACK OF RECOVERY JUST RUN , RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN FROM THAT PEOPLE, THEY DONT HAVE ANYTHING TO GIVE YOU.
RECOVERY AT HOME MEANS:
1 - NOT CONTROL THE ONES WE LOVE
2 - GIVE WITHOUT EXPECT SOMETHING IN RETURN
3 - PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO BE PART OF THEIR FAMMILY AND DO ACTIVITIES WITH THEM
4 - PEOPLE WHO DONT FIND CROSS ADDCITIONS TO HIDE THEMSELFS AT HOME
5 - PEOPLE WHO RESPECT THE OTHERS FEELINGS
6 - PEOPLE WHO UNDESTAND AND LOVE THE OTHER WHEN HE /HER IS SICK
7 - PEOPLE WHO WILL TAKE 1 H OF THEIR TIME TO TALK WITH THE OTHER
8 - PEOPLE WHO CAN HANDLE A MISSUNDERSTANDING OR A FIGHT WITHOUT RUN OUT OF THE DOOR.
WHEN THEY RUN OUT THEY ARE DOING WHAT THEY DID IN ACTIVE ADDCITION, RUN FROM FEELINGS BY USING DRUGS.
TODAY WE DONT RU, TODAY WE FACE! ITS OK TO FEEL. FEELINGS DONT KILL ANYONE.
9 - PEOPLE YOU ASK FOR THE OTHER OPNION BEFORE MAKE DECISIONS
10 - CHOOSE PEOPLE WHO LIVE WITHOUT SECRETS IN THEIR OWN HOME

The two kinds of victim

The two kinds of victim



Some clients they will never recover because they spend their time feeling sorry of themselves. The victim client likes to be in that place because they will always have a justification to go use again. Are two kinds of victim; the one who is quite, and the one who spends all the time complaining? So lets start with the first one; the quite one. The quite one will never tell you is going to use, because everything they do they do it quite. They wont tell you how you make they feel, the wont tell you what they think, they wont tell you nothing, they always tell you they are ok. They live by resenting people, places and things. Like you need water, food, and breath, they need resentments in order to justify their use. They have the need to blame someone for their shortcomings. They do not take responsibility for nothing. They will agree always with you, but in deep of their hearts they hate you, they envy you. This kind of victim will cry a lot in order to manipulate you. They will tell you how bad their family was, how bad the system is, and how much they feel harmed by it. They will use possible abused in order to have people having sorry for them. Here is the thing, while you are feeling sorry for someone you won’t be able to see who they really are, and what role they played. Is exactly that what they want, not be seen. They love to have people around who take care of them. Don’t forget this kind of victim cries a lot and every time you confront them they cry pretending they are very fragile and hopeless. They will make sure you take responsibility for them by making you feel guilty. They will go as many times do you want to treatment, but before that they will make sure you will be taking care of their needs. They will ask you for cigarettes, money, candy, basically they will ask you for everything they need. They will come home telling how good the counselors are and how much they are changing their lives. At the end of treatment they will change the story; smooth, they will start telling how bad they are and how much they are harming them. They will tell you amazing stories in order for you to feel sorry of them. They want to hear: how my God! How ca you are healthy in a place like that??? I am so sorry for you! This is a victim game. Like in beginning of this document we read they will always play double. They will try the counselor and group to be sorry of them by saying how bad their family is and how much they were harmed by them. With the family they will tell how bad the counselors are and how much they have been harmed by them. Because they make sure you will take responsibility for their lives, you will believe you always are in control of them. But I have bad news for you; is them who are in control, and never you. So how can I find out whom are they? Easy; they walk slow, they don’t talk laud, they sit in groups with face down, they will always tell you yes and thank you, they will have no problem to tell you they were abused, and they will cry a lot. They don’t buy things for themselves or even take care of their selves. They won’t participate too much in groups, they won’t talk too much around people, and they will talk just in their rooms at night when just a small percent of people are around. They will carry secrets everyday but they won’t tell you anything. They do not break the rules until almost the end of treatment; they will agree always with you, they will smile always at you. In their sexual life they will do whatever their parterners want. Remember, they always say yes to everything. Normally they will wear most of the time the same clothes and sometimes dirty, they will be the ones always by theirselfes in couch, or isolated from the others. They will walk with face down, they will sleep a lot. They will ask you for what they need shaking and sometimes with a twist speech. They will go use like a little revenge against you.What can I do? Shake them when they are not expecting. Surprise them when they are not expecting. Let give me some examples: if they start talking about abuse, give this answerer: I am sorry about that. Let’s move on, so what you want to talk about today? Surprise them at group when they raise their hand to talk and you pretend you are ignoring them. Let everyone talk, but don’t let them. At the end of the group ask them how they are feeling? This is very interesting because you can be able to see them became red of anger. They became like dragons ready to spit fire on you. Tell them to speak up and do not accept their smooth talk. Don’t forget they will just start breaking the rules at the end of treatment because they feel save and they were able to play everyone. Don’t let them to surprise you, make sure you will surprise them first. Remember their goal is to build resentments, not handle how learn to deal with that. They want a valid justification to go use, because they are cowards, and weak.
Now let’s see the other kind of victim, the one who spends their time blaming everything. These ones are what I call the drama ones and the chaos ones. They will make sure you will be as miserable than them. They will fight all the time with everyone and they will be very proud of that. The difference between them and the other victim is these ones will walk always with their face up, will speak laud, sometimes even scream, they will dress well and clean. They always want to share in group and once they do they will make the group hostage. The group becomes all about them. They will spend the group challenge you and complain. They will break a lot of rules in order to tell you how much they don’t agree with the system. They will tell you is your fault everything happens in your life. They will tell you they are screaming at you because you didn’t gave them the attention they need to, or you don’t do whatever they want to. When you confront them, they will tell you are people who do worse things than them. They live by resentments and breathe resentments. They refused to forgive in order to justify their mistakes with your mistakes. They seek revenge. They will choose weak people to bring them down with them. So how I find out who are them? Easy, they will spend the entire time saying; I don’t need you, I don’t need this or that, I can do the thing by my own. They complain all the time, they fight a lot and they have to have the last word. They walk straight, doing an intimidating face all the time. They will call you names, and scream. They will point the finger at your face and will tell you how wrong you are. Like the other kind of victim they won’t accept responsibility for their behaviors. The only time they are is when they are full of anger, but that just happen when they ca not fight with you for some reason. The other kind of victim will make sure you will have their needs meet and they want you around to do what they don’t want. This other kind of victim they will tell you they don’t need you, and they will spend all the time rejecting help, because they feel they are they are the victim and no one understands them like they want to.

Manipulation

MANIPULATION = control=ego


Manipulation is an immature way to ask for what we want




ways to manipulate:

- cry

- split people

- lie

- omission

- justification/rationalization

- anger/ intimidation

- buy people

- taking advantage of good people

- causing guilty

- be too nice / sex

- tattoo / sex

- the way you talk ( like a baby) / sex

- smiling too much / sex

- flirting / sex

- the way you walk / sex

- the way you sit / sex

- the way you dress / sex

- the way you look / sex


you don't develop healthy and trustful relationships.
In this process you become the abuser/ abused

how you fight this????

Simple, you become honest with yourself/ others

here the thing, what can happen if you tell someone exactly what you want? They say NO. Right?

If you tell someone you don't want to sleep with them, because the only thing you want is his money to go use drugs, you know they are not going to give you money, so, you won't have money to use drugs.

If you tell someone: I just want to make sex games with you, but I won't sleep with you. The answer you have would be: So nice to meet you, but I won't do it

we are not to be allow to do sex games.

Creating healthy relationships is when you tell someone exactly what you expect and want from them. That would give both the opportunity to have a conscience choice.

If both agree, so therefore becomes normal.
If just 1 knows about the plan becomes pure manipulation.

Manipulation has consequences

you become function with guilty.

Here the thing.... when you are manipulating you forgot something very important, YOU ARE A HUMAN BE WITH VALUES
those values will catch up with in the middle of this process.
You get what you want, but you will leave with guilty, and guilty has a roommate witch is shame.
Shame and guilty walk together.
Example:

I want to go on pass with that friend that I know he has feelings for me.
I have the power to make him because I am an attractive woman (EGO), and because I know he likes me.

Ok, so let's make a pass plan together.


ABUSER

8.00am - he comes to pick you up

you enter in his car, before that you hope he don't try to kiss you without your permission.

9.00 am - you go with him to your parent’s house - old behavior

what do you think your parents are going to think:

here she comes always with a man / nothing had changed

what your children are going to think?

We have a daddy!

But after you come back from your pass, and your children who were playing that afternoon with that man, they won’t see him again.
So you are teaching again to your children to not trust people, because they come and go.
you already know that, and the shame, will catch up with you now

10.00 AM you go to a meeting:

your friends don’t see you for a long time, so for sure, once you walk in, they will be around you talking with you, joking, laughthing, etc.... your friend will be sit in chair waiting for you to stop talking with them and give him some attention. At that point you already know he is there waiting like a lost child, and the guilty you come.

11.00 AM you take your friend to lunch with your parents.
Once again you will be busy talking with your parents. Your children will be asking for your attetion, and the guy will be again there waiting for you.
What is happening now????
You are already in stress, because you already realized the attention is been asking from you.
So now you start having a resentment wondering why you came with him.
After you start to have shame because, you are wondering how could you been thinking about getting rid of me... he was so nice to take you to all this places. I must be a bad person! I am so selfish! Guilty, and shame together.
And is in here you become the ABUSED!
Now you become the lost child, with all those feelings again, and don't know what to do.

After in your way back, he tells you:

- I love you, and I want to go to a motel with you now

what do you think you are going to do????

You are going, even if you don't want to...why????
Because the guilty and shame is in control now. You are not in control anymore.
You thought like an addict (Ego), but you forgot what comes first.... you are a human be, who has feelings, and values!!!
Ask for what you want.
Tell me people exactly what you want from them.
That will allow discussing, negotiating, option to agree or not. That is what I call be normal, and healthy.

Let me give you other example:

What do you think the people who do bondage???
Weirdo hum???? Crazy??? Oh God!!! ???? Abnormal????

Here the thing: if both agree then becomes normal to them.

When 2 people agree on something becomes normal, and acceptable.

Now let's go back to EGO

Let’s suppose every time you say to someone: I don't' want have a relationship with you. The only thing I want is do sex games, because I like the way that feels.

Let’s suppose the person answers: that is not what I want to have.

What do you think would happen?

Your ego would be broken, and the ego will become weak and weak, until you will give up of doing that, and then becomes the less important thing for you in a relation between you and men.

But let's suppose you don't tell them your intentions your ego will be fed over and over again, and you will never know what a healthy relationship is.

quick look to guilty

quick look to guilt

what is?
the dictionary says #guilt# means feelings responsible or remorseful for offenses.
If a person does not take responsibility for past wrongdoings, we could describe that person as antisocial. (Someone who never feels guilt may have an antisocial personality disorder)
IRRATIONAL GUILT
EXEMPLE:
.... IF I CHANGE MY BEHAIVOR THAT PERSON WILL LOVE ME MORE
.... IF I WAS THERE THAT LATS EVENT WOULDNT HAPPEN FOR SURE
.... IF I WILL LOVE HIM MORE MAYBE HE WIL CHANGE
..... I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE TO HELP HER

GUILT AND SHAME

We can tell the difference between feelings of guilt and shame by looking at the ways we think about ourselves and our behavior.
If we think that our behavior was wrong and we feel bad about it, we are experiencing guilt. But if we think that our behavior makes us worthless and unfit human beings, then we've crossed the line from guilt to shame.
Shame has deeper roots than guilt.
It often comes from growing up in a dysfunctional family, a family where we were shamed by adults or abused by them physically or sexually. Shame is chronic.
A person who is feeling guilt might say, " i' m sorry for the way I’ve acted"
A person who is feeling shame might say " I’m no good. How can you stand being around me?"
GUILT AND ADDICTION
Coming to grips with the hurt we have caused ourselves or other people by our behavior might prevent us from doing the same thing again. Guilt can help us become responsible. Being responsible is essential to staying in recovery from any addiction.
MAKING A CHANGE BY USING RATIONAL EMOTIVE BEHAVIOR THERAPY ( REBT)
How can u find out if u r feeling guilt or shame?
One way is to listen to your self talk, that is, the thoughts you have about what is going on around u. I f you are telling yourself that behavior is bad and you need to change it, you are feeling guilt.
If you are telling yourself that you are worthless because you have behaved badly, your feeling guilt and shame.
Once you realize what your self talk is , you can decide if it is harmful or helpful guilt.


I must
What we think can make us upset, and being upset affects how we act.
Irrational thoughts can make it happen!
Sometimes we cant change what happened.
First we recall the event or situation that we believe upset us.
Then we take a look at our thoughts and beliefs about this situation. Next, we identify we are experiencing because of these thoughts and beliefs.
Finally we try to dispute or challenge the thoughts that are making us upset.
Look for " should" and " must" in your self talk.
When we think we should do something, we will fell guilt if we don't do it. It better to use the words " I prefer" rather than " I should"
Another word to look for in examining self talk is the word " awful" If we tell ourselves it's "awful" that we did or didn't do something, we will feel guiltier than if we had used the word " unfortunate" or " disappointing."
Another irrational belief that produces guilt is this: I must be perfect, have a perfect recovery.... at all the times and it's awful if I make a mistake. Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. Mistakes are wonderful learning experiences.
GUILT AND ANXIETY
EVENT - I dint’s make more hours one my boss asked me
THOUGHT AND BELIEFS - for sure Monday he is going to fire me, and after I cannot pay my rent and I’ll loose everything
FEELINGS - anxiety, guilt , shame , fear
DISPUTE AND CHALLENGE IRRATIONAL BELIEFS I really couldn't in that day, isn't because of that I am a bad employer. I also I have my compromises outside of my job.
I am doing a great job and isn’t because of that the world will fall down
SETTING A GOAL AND A PLAN OF ACTION
Once we realize we have a habit of making ourselves anxious and guilty, we can set a goal to reduce these negative feelings.
To practice identify your feelings everyday Keep a feelings journal and make entries daily
Not all depression is caused by guilt . Depression can be a reaction to loss or change. This is called " reactive depression"
Depression is sometimes biological, that is , it happens because of our biological and chemical makeup.
Depression can also be character related and involves our belief system.
Finally, these three kinds of depression can overlap, that is, one's depression might have elements of all three.
You acne change the need to be perfect, well, normally that need comes from a low self-esteem or living under fear. Normally this happen with addicts when they still feel guilt about their past, or can happen when we feel we should share like the other addicts or know better about the program or even, know all words in NA literature.
This irrational beliefs can bring guilt follow by the relapsed!
( soon I will do another work about perfection, but now let's keep going with guilt:) )
GUILT AND ANGER
Learning to express anger assertively is essential in a relationships. Feeling anger is ok. It's a feeling as valid as happiness.
Anger alerts us to situations in witch our rights are being invaded and helps us know when to be assertive.
When we feel anger, there is no need for guilt. However, we may be getting unnecessarily angry of irrational beliefs.
WHO'S TO BLAME?
When we catch ourselves blaming another person for something, it helps to stop and examine our self talk. We may find that we are really feeling guilt, rational or irrational.
Blaming can be defense against looking at our own behavior.
SUMMARY
Feelings of guilt are helpful when they can stop us from repeating a harmful or addictive behavior. But feelings of guilt can be harmful when irrational beliefs cause the feelings. For example, we may believe that our HP won’t like us if we behave in a certain way, or that our parents and friends won’t like us if we don’t behave the way they want.
These irrational beliefs lead us to feel guilt unnecessarily. As adults we need to dispute or challenge theses beliefs.
One way to challenge our beliefs is to check our own reactions to other’s behavior: Do we cut off a friendship if our friend comes to a different conclusion than we do on a topic? Of course not.
Habits take time to form, and takes time and practice before we can be rid of them.
So practice hard. You all feel healthier, happier, and more free.
And once again the base of recovery is ACCEPTANCE.
IVONE V.

Anger

ANGER " QUICK VIEW"\


1. ANGER IS OK
2. ANGER TELLS US WHEN WE HAVE BEEN VIOLATED AND GIVES AN OPORTUNITY TO BE ASSERTIVE
3. GENERALLY PEOPLE WITH ANGER ARE VERY INTELIGENT BECAUSE THE ANGER MADE THEM THINK FAST , SO THE BRAIN IS EXERCICED
4. ANGER CAN TELL US :

a) WE FEEL
b) WE ARE LOOSING / GRIEVING SOMETHING OR SOMEONE
c) IS THE NON-ACCEPTANCE OF REALITY
d) ANGER IS A CONSEQUENCE OF A PRIMARY FEELING
EXMP:
I AM NOT WORKING,SO I DON'T HAVE MONEY AND IT'S SALES TIME SO MY PRIMARY FEELING IS FRUSTRATION AND MY SECOND FEELING IT'S ANGER
WE WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AND WE ARE WAITING FOR THE BUS, AND THE BUS IS LATE.
AFTER 5 MINUTES OF WAITING WE START TO BECOME ANXIOUS, AFTER 10 MINUTES WE ARE FEELING ANGER
e) ANGER TELLS US WE HAVE NOT BEEN RESPONSABLE FOR OUR FEELINGS

THE CONSEQUENCES OF ANGER IS WHEN WE EXPRESS IT IN A OPEN WAY TO OTHERS
BUT I SEE PEOPLE THAT I CAN TELL ARE ALWAYS OK, I DON'T SEE THEM WITH ANGER, ALWAYS HELPING OTHERS, ALWAYS SPEAKING IN A SPIRITUAL WAY, SO, JUST A FEW PEOPLE FEEL ANGER?
EH EH, NO!
WHEN YOU SEE THAT, DO SOMETHING: LOOK MORE CAREFULL :)
THAT IS WHAT I CALL DISHONESTY!
EVERYONE FEELS ANGER, IT'S HUMAN!
AND WHAT IS ALSO HUMAN IS WE LEARN HOW TO MOVE IN THE MIDDLE OF PEOPLE
EXMP:
YOU ARE IN PRISON, YOU HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO MOVE IN THE MIDDLE OF PEOPLE... THE CONSEQUENCE OF THAT
ONCE OUTSIDE IF YOU ARE IN A MIDDLE OF ANOTHER GROUP YOU WILL DO THE SAME.... ACTING LIKE THEM.
LIKE IN PRISON WE HAVE TO BE PART OF A GROUP TO SURVIVE AND DO WHATEVER THEY DO, AND IT DOESN'T MATTER IF ITS WHAT YOU FEEL OR BELIEVE, BECAUSE THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS SURVIVAL, SO YOU LEARN TO BEHAVE IN A DISHONEST WAY.
ANOTHER EXAMPLE CAN BE IS IF SOMEONE GOES TO TREATMENT, ONCE THERE THEY LEARN WHY THEY ARE THERE, WHAT THEY EXPECT FROM YOU AND HOW THEY ARE EXPECTED TO BEHAVE.
IF THAT PERSON GOES BACK TO A SECOND TREATMENT IT WILL BE HARDER TO FIND THE HONESTY. WHY? SIMPLE . LIKE THE OTHER EXAMPLE THAT PERSON ALREADY LERANED HOW TO MOOVE IN THAT PLACE AND CAN BECOME GHOST
IN ANY SITUATION AND IN LIFE OR ANY GROUP EVERYONE IS EXPECTED TO DISPLAY A SPECIFIC BEHAIVOR.
BUT LET'S LOOK AT A PERSON IN RECOVERY.
SOMETIMES I WATCH PEOPLE AND I HEAR PEOPLE SAYING: " WHAT A GREAT SPEAKER!!!!!"
WOW, THEY KNOW EVERYTHING THAT IS WRITEN IN THE BASIC TEXT
WOW THEY KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT STEP WORK
VIOLENT!!!!!!!! DONT YOU THINK?
WELL, MAYBE AT THIS POINT I GUESS YOU DONT OR MAYBE AT THIS POINT YOU ARE ALREADY MAD WITH ME:), BUT LET ME EXPLAIN IT:
SOME OF PEOPLE THEY ARE A VERY GOOD SPEAKERS
SOME ARE SHY, OR EVEN DON'T HAVE ANY COLLEGE, OR THEY ARE NEWCOMMERS
WHEN SOMEONE IS TELLING THAT IN FRONT OF SOMEONE WHO BELONGS TO THE SECOND GROUP IT CAN BE VIOLENT. IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I AM TELLING THAT JUST ASK THEM " WHAT ARE YOU FEELING WHEN I SAY THAT"
I CAN TELL YOU THAT PEOPLE ARE FEELING LESS THAN....
I CAN TELL YOU THEY ARE FEELING FRUSTRATION, ONCE THEY REALIZE THEY ARE TOO SHY TO SPEAK OR THEY HAVE A HARD TIME TO READ AND PUT IN THEIR HANDS RIGHT AWAY WHAT IS IN THE BOOK, OR THEY ARE NEWCOMMERS AND BECAUSE OF THAT THEY DONT HAVE THE EXPERIENCE TO TELL ABOUT.
SOME ARE GOING TO BECOME A COPY AND PASTE
SOME ARE GOING TO SHARE ABOUT SOMETHING THEY DONT HAVE A CLUE ABOUT WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT
SOME ARE GOING TO SAY THINGS THEY DONT FEEL
SOME ARE GOING TO BECOME WHAT THE OTHERES EXPECT, AND OF COURSE, THESE PEOPLE ARE HALF WAY TO RELAPSE
I THINK I AM LOOSING THE TOPIC, EH EH :)
FREEDOM = BE WHO YOU ARE, BE GENUINE, BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF, YOU WILL HAVE TIME TO CHANGE. LIFE AND YEARS IN RECOVERY AND YOUR AGE WILL CHANGE YOU.
WHAT YOU THINK NOW WILL BE DIFFERENT IN 5 YEARS.
WHAT YOU SEE IN YOURSELF NOW WILL BE DIFFERENT IN 1 YEAR
THE WAY YOU SEE LIFE NOW WILL BE DIFFERENT IN 5 Years
ANGER IS HUMAN, AND WHEN I SEE SOMEONE HIDING THE ANGER, THAT PERSON WILL EXPRESS THAT ANGER IN ANOTHER WAY.. A HIDDEN WAY, BECAUSE NO ONE CAN SEE IT, ONCE YOU SEE IT THE MASK ITS OVER AND THAT PERSON BECOMES VULNERABLE.
WHEN WE DON'T WANT TO BECOME VULNERABLE NORMALY ITS BECAUSE WE ARE AFRAID..
AFRAID OF WHAT???
AFRAID OF .... IF YOU KNOW ME YOU WONT LIKE ME
..... IF I BECOME VULNERABLE YOU WILL TAKE ADVANTEGE OF ME
SOME OF THESE WERE PEOPLE WHO WERE ALREADY ABUSED IN DIFFERENT WAYS.
AND ONCE AGAIN WE APPLY: I AM NOT RESPONSABLE ABOUT HOW YOU ACT AND WHAT YOU FEEL, I AM JUST RESPONSABLE FOR MY FEELINGS AND BEHAVIORS AND THE WAY I RECIEVE THE INFORMATION AND WHAT I DO WITH IT.
HOW TO HANDLE ANGER:
. BE HONEST
. CHECK THE REASONS
. CHANGE YOUR THOUGTHS TO POSITIVE THOUGTHS
. TALK ABOUT IT, IF NECESSARY TALK BOUT IT 10 TIMES A DAY, :)
IF YOU JUDGE SO SOMEONE IN A NEGATIVE WAY YOU ARE GOING TO FEEL ANGER.
WE FEEL WHAT WE THINK!
ANGER COMES FROM MY WILL, MY CONTROL = FEAR, FEAR
WE ALSO CAN USE ANGER TO MANIPULATE.. OOPS! HOW?
WHAT A CHILD DOES WHEN HE WANTS SOMETHING SO BADLY?
SCREAM, CRY UNTIL HE GET WHAT WANTS..................................................................................................................................................
SO, YOU ALREADY LEARNED THAT A LONGGGGGG TIME AGO, WHEN WE WAS CHILD.
SO, WHO A MANIPULATE WITH MY ANGER????
SIMPLE, THE ONES WE KNOW WONT REJECT US,, WE ARE CLEVER :) WE DONT TAKE A CHANGE WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESNT KNOW US.
SOMEONE WHO DOESNT KNOW US WILL SAY: WHAT? I AM OUT OF HERE!
SOMEONE WHO LIKES US WILL SAY: OK, OK. WHAT DO U WANT,I LL GIVE YOU.
WE MANIPULATE WITH ANGER WHEN WE KNOW THAT PERSON DOESNT WANT TO LOOSE US
A CONSEQUENCE OF THAT ITS ANGER WITH OURSELFS, LOW SELF ESTIM, INSECURANCE, FEAR, RESSENTMENTS
ONCE WITH ANGER WE ARE BLIND!
WE CANT SEE THE TRUE AND WE CANT MAKE DECISSIONS.

HOW TO TALK ABOUT ANGER IN A POSSITIVE WAY?
START:
A- SITUATION = WHAT HAPPENED
B. BELIEFS = WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT IT
C. FEELINGS , ACTIONS = SHARE WITH OTHER HOW THAT MAKE YOU FEEL. TALK ABOUT YOU
AND NOW YOU ARE HALF WAY TO GO TO ACCEPTANCE
FIGHTHING THE ANGER:
ONCE YOU ARE BECOME WORRY ABOUT SOMETHING OR SOMEONE, GIVE RIGHT WAY PREMISSION TO YOURSELF TO LOOK TO YOUR INSIDE AND BE CONECT WITH YOUR FEELINGS, AFTER IDENTIFY, AFTER SHARE IT
EXEMPLE:
YOU ARE IN HOME, YOU DONT HAVE A CLUE ABOUT WHAT TO MAKE TO THE SOUPER.
ITS 5PM AND AT THIS TIME YOU JUST DONT KNOW WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO EAT WITH YOUR FAMILY.
AFTER 5 MINUTS YOU STILL NOT MAKE A DECISION = WORRY
AFTER 10 MINUTS = ANXIOUS
AFTER 15 MINUTS = ANGER
AFTER WHEN YOUR FAMILLY ARIIVES WE YOU WILL EXPRESS THAT ANGER, SAYING FOR ISNTANT, I AM SO TIRED AND ITS ME ALWAYS WHO DOES EVCERYTHING IN THIS HOUSE WITHOUT ANY HELP.
ONCE THAT, THE EVENNING IST OVER, NOP ONE WILL ENJOY IT.
LIKE THAT YOU WASTED 15 MINUTS OF YOUR LIFE
HOW YOU CAN NOT WASTE 15 MINUTS OF YOUR PRECIOUS LIFE? SIMPLES :) CALL TO YOUR FAMMILY AND ASK THEM WHAT THAY WOULD LIKE TO HAVE TO SOUPER :) THEY WOULD TELL YOU AND THE PROBLEM WAS RESOLVED AND YOU HAVE THE SOLUTION :)
AFTER THAT WE CAN SPEND 15 MINUTS HAVING A LONG BATH TO RELAX OF A LONG DAY :)
AFTER WHEN YOUR FAMILLY ARIIVES WE YOU WILL EXPRESS WITH FEELINGS OF LOVE, LIKE : WHAT UP? LETS ROCK :) EH EH
ANOTHER THING YOU CAN LOOK ITS WHEN YOU JUST DONT LIKE SOMEONE, IF YOU FEED IT YOU WILL FEEL ANGER ALL THE TIME YOU SEE THAT PERSON.
BUT LET ME TELL YOU SOMETING ABOUT IT, THAT PERSON HAS SOMETHNG YOU DONT LIKE IN YOURSELF OR HAS SOMETHING YOU DIDNT FORGAVE YET ABOUT YOURSELF
HOW CAN YOU FIGHT IT?
HELP THAT PERSON , NOT BECAUSE THAT PERSON BUT TO HELP YOURSELF. WILL BE MORE EASY WORKING THAT WITH SOMEONE, EVEN WE DONT LIKE, THAN BY OURSELFS.
ANOTHER THING WHO CAN TEEL YOU WHAT YOU FEEL ITS WHEN YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITE TO BE IN A ROOM WITH SILENCE.
EXEMPLE:
WE SPEND OUR DAY WORKING, BUSY , AVOID FEELINGS, ONCE IN HOME WE ARE AGAIN BUSY DOING THINGS, AVOID FEELINGS, ONCE IN A MEETING ROOM, WE ARE SIT, NOTHING TO DO, ONCE IN SILENCE OUR FEELINGS WILL COME , SO, JUST HEAR IT, AND FOR SURE THE FEELINGS WILL COME WITH THOUGHTS, SHARE IT, EVEN IF ISNT THE TOPIC, BECAUSE THAT ITS BE RESPONSABLE FOR YOUR FEELINGS, BECAUSE REMEMBER, THAT CHAIR YOU ARE SIT IST YOURS, AND NO ONE CAN TAKE YOU OUT OF IT!
I THINK I AM DONE, GOING EAT NOW :)
I HOPE I CARRY SOME MESSAGE
IVONE V.

step 1 from 2006

1. We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable admitted
- we did that before NA. Right? When I was using drugs I can remember the times I thought, I cant handle this anymore...I want to stop.... I’m so tired...why I cant stop?
We all have signs who indicate us what is going on with us. I could see with clarity it was the drugs controlling me ..not me controlling drugs.
People are saying :"I didn’t feel anything when I as stoned" oh my...I felt all the time!!!!! When I got my first high I got a trust relationship with drugs...I found out if I use I knew it what I will felling. So the connection was there and the trust.
Soon we can see we are powerless over our addiction...we just can't stop....we want more...we do everything to get high...we think about stopping, but we just can't and we don’t know why.
sometimes I heard people saying: "Was my option! I used drugs because was my option!""Was my fault!" really???????????????How come????????? hummmm ....Sounds like another copy and paste from the books or I heard someone sharing that so I am going to say the same...I don’t know what that means, but I just have to say what they are saying. I just had that option when I found NA, that’s why now I can say TODAY I HAVE ANOTHER OPTION!
1- Before NA did u know you were an addict? Did you know what that word means?
2- Did you have someone to explain you why you were using drugs?
3- Did you know after a while of clean time why you went back to use again?
4 -Did you know it how to talk about that?
5 -Did you know how to give names to your feelings?
6 -Did you know it was possible living without drugs before you came to NA?
7 - Did you knew why you were using drugs?
I don’t think so!
I believe because it was my case, I used over and over again and I didn’t have a clue about what I was doing, I just knew I couldn’t stop and didn't know why.
Today I have a option because NA taught me who I was, who I am, what I felt, what I feel, and what I can do to not go back to use again. I have the tools now. So I have a option now! Before I was just a blind kid. our lives had become unmanageable We could see that when we were using drugs I could see bags all over my body...I could see I had to sleep with my clothes because I knew it in the next day I won't be able to dress myself because the of body pain, I could see I was living with mice, I could see I didn't take a bath, didn’t eat, didn’t have job, living in streets, been sold like a commodity.
I could see when doctors put me in a house for crazy people, inside of room with pillows all over to not hear my screams and with both arms tight, I could see when I was raped and I didn’t feel it because the misery already was too much, one less one more didn’t count at the time, I could see when I woke in the hospital and I found out I was alive and I ran to my house to try to kill myself again. Before NA I saw that.
But why do we have to write a step one?
Why is it so important to write this step? For what? Simple! It's our base our life support. How can we do that? Sometimes I heard people talking about step one like they were telling us a story.. a movie ...becoming rational, not emotional. I can share my story over and over again like a speaker and guarantee you I won't feel anything! I already know my story. I already shared that million times... I know what to say about that and how to share it. Rational! writing = emotion Did you notice when you are doing your step one you started breathing fast??????lol ;)
You started becoming tired of writing ;)
like...(I want to sleep now);) something inside of you start become weird like if you was were full of something and you have to stand up and walk for a while ;)
you start feel the expressions of your face become heavy;)
funny .. now I remember something ...and nothing has to do with it, but at same time has: think with me..... in a meeting.....everyone stop talking....silence in room...no one sharing...everyone waiting of the next share.....what do you feel in those times?
Did you know when a room is in silence it's the best way for you to find out how are you?
Its the best way for you to find out if you are ok or not? think.....can you today support the silence in a room???????
Or do you right way you say: my name is-----I am an addict?
If you today you can support the silence in a room it's because you can stand to be in touch with yourself and with your feelings. another definition of spiritually ;)
So. Lets go back to step 1.... what is the best way to write a step one?
1- be specific. Go deep in that..itcan hurt but won't kill and you and you will grow
2- write names of people and places and dates
3- examples of each situation
4- describe what you felt (responsibility)
5- after each example describe what you feel now about that example(responsibility) (responsibility) = you have to look and feel what you did and that has a name... and that name is :
We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable
END

ressentments

resentments
how to grow what can I do

the anger to resentment

telling another person about my feelings and letting them know about my needs
trying to justify the anger is the same as denying it and annulling it
the anger tells me something is wrong and I need to look at it
the resentments grow from the anger when I can not handle that anger
sometimes I carry resentments when I pretend everything is ok
if I avoid the conflict and ignore what I feel, soon or later I will pay that price
pride doesn't let me tell, I expect people to read what is going on with me, but in the middle of this process I am already thinking a way to pay back
resentments are like concrete that dries slowly. At the time it is already dry and the others are already my enemies.
if someone hurts me and I don’t tell to that person I am hurt , after I will remember all the times that person hurt me, looking for reasons to feed the resentment.
just remembering the bad things is when the anger becomes resentment
at this time the apologies isn’t enough because I am now in a place I wont apologies for anything since past until now?????
second faze --- the resentment becomes hate ( desire of revenge)
revenge its a desire to hurt back, to return the pain
at this time I believe I cant give up the anger until I pay back

WOUNDS

how we feed it

1 - what they did
2 - what they didn't do
3 - what they should be doing
1 - he hurt me by stealing my pen
2 - he should have asked me to give him this pen
3- he should come here and apologize to me
normally the resentments start with something someone did to us, we think about what that person didn't do and what they should do.

the resentment hurt
when we are in an obsession about our resentments we cannot grow spiritually or emotionally, we are stuck in past.
. we can't quit thinking about the resentments
. we focus so much on that person who we resent, than is hard to do what we like
. we feel frustration and anger most of the time
. we feel sorry about ourselves and the pain we have
. we have symptoms that result from emotions that we are uncomfortable about; like headaches, pain in belly, heart beating fast
. we are iritatable with others and our relationships suffers
. we see the others as bad people, people who don't think and hurt us

forgive
we don't have to forgive until we are ready, even when that person apologizes
maybe the pain is still there, very alive inside of us
we need some time to think about it, but we don’t need to search for more reasons to not forgive; we have to be honest with ourselves
. are we having pleasure with our resentment and hate?
. are we keeping an enemy to blame for our misery?
. maybe a resentment makes our life more exciting?
. we use our resentments to forgive our abusive behavior and to become violent and irrational?
forgive isn't the same as forget, or forget what other person did to us or forgive unacceptable behaviors.
forgive means to refuse that person hurts us again.
we don’t have to pretend nothing happened, and we don’t have to forget the past, we choose to live in present by let it go.... the resentments.
we can remember in a way to defend ourselves in future, but we don’t remember with hate.
add the cost of our resentments
the resentment take us our freedom. áámany times making with that let us prevent people or situations


forgiving is a process

forgive isn’t easy or fast
even we know forgive is to help us sometimes we don’t have sure if we want to do.
ááwe are to be pulled in two directions, ááthe hatred on the other hand and the hill for another one.
this is the reason why forgive its slow, and also when we think we already forgave the resentments show up again.
forgive starts when we really want to forgive .
we have to be patients with ourselves and wait for the
if we don’t loose the desire to forgive we will have a emotional freedom.
forgive means an change of attitudes and actions
today I choose to forgive
we have to learn to appreciate again that person
we can change our actions before we change our thoughts, using PRETEND TO BELIVE
exercising...doing something nice for who we resent
.find out a place to relax
.thinking about something who makes u feel good
.now put that person in that thought
.give mental forvigness, let them enjoy that moment
forgive the past
write 3 reasons to explain what u win keeping that anger
after write the loses, for example, how that resentment affects our life today
decide if u want to go on or move on
forgiving can bring or not a reconciliation
remind the positives things they did
let go the anger we can move on
you was attack, u don t want be with the attacker anymore, so the objective its to stop to think in that attack, like that u will take out of your head the attacker.
forgive its a present to ourselves, doesn’t mean u r like them, means we want to live in peace with ourselves.
if the reconciliation doesn’t happen, its ok, at least we r free from the past.
we have to be able to forgive ourselves
isn’t enough admit we hurt people, we need to relook how we hurt people, after that we r able to make what needs to change our behaiovors.
sometimes u have to do emends.
its hard to forgive ourselves because we feel guilty and shame.
the guilty tells us we did something wrong
the shame tells us we r something wrong and we r bad people and with defects.
doing emends
relax, don’t stay defense and don’t think u have to justify your behaviors.
ask to yourself how that behaiovor u putted u away from spiritual principles, and decide if u want have those behaviors in your life
the negative actions, like revenge give us the sensation of power, but its fake because in this process we just r going to loose an important part of our
security and respect for ourselves.
the question is: do I also need to forgive myself?
the resentments make us forget we r also humans and we also do mistakes like the others.
write 3 specifics examples of behaviors u need to forgive yourself
forving ourselves
the resentments make us to stop believe in ourselves and in our judge, because most of the times we go against our morals, values when we r
in anger or hate.
we also can start hating ourselves.
make a list of 3 hostile thoughts or negative that u think about yourself
now make a list of 3 positive characteristics u have
now write what u can do positive for yourself and not what someone can do positive for yourself
after that imagine relax and imagine u r giving that to yourself and also imagine u r giving that to others
try to make them in your dally bases
this is what means forgive ourselves
TEN SUGGESTIONS TO HELP U TO FORGIVE

1 - make a list of all people u r ready to forgive. write why u have to forgive them
2 - look until what point that is hurting u. write consequences of your resentments
3 - write the hostile thoughts u have for each person
4 - write the negative actions u take aganaist them
5 - make a compromise to stop that thoughts and that words. try with 2 people
6 - make a list of the positives things u see in that person. do not mix compliments with critical. keep yourself positive
7 - pray for them
8 -write 3 things about what u can do with them or for them, like u can sit besides them and not in the other corn of the room.
don’t create unreal expectative about what they r going to do or not
9 - remember:
. be patient with yourself
. without compromise, that means u r not going to wait that person gives something back to u or even forgive u
. forgive isn’t forget
. forgive its to myself and not to others
10 - to forgive ask for help to people who already know how to forgive and understands u
indirections on preventing resentments
the people will do all the time things u make us uncomfortable , but u can learn how to prevented it
. think about it and talk about it without ááexagerating . keep yourself in reality
. keep yourself active. the resentments grow up when we are inactive.
is in that time we feel powerless and without hope.
do not give permission to yourself to act like a victim
. keep yourself in the present as much as you can
do not come back to old wounds.
keep in touch in what is hurting u now, u can confront someone without live again the old wounds
. keep yourself in this subject. take the position than u don’t like some behaiovors of that person and not you don’t like that person
.ask for help, don’t let the anger become resentment and hate
. do not depend on another person to have serenity. search yourself for your serenity
be good to yourself:)
done
IVONE DO VALE
10-18-2006

if you use today

if u used to today ...please do not share hummmm... I changed my point of view about that... why newcomer can’t share?
who wrote this rule?
our 3º tradition says: the only thing you need it’s the desire to stop using.... this program it’s about 12 steps and 12 traditions. the new comer gives us what they have in that moment. who am I to shut up the newcomer?
I am not different of newcomer. let me remind you some : I am here today, and I have a meeting room to go today because a newcomer. let me talk about all our beginning.... this program stared with A.A. thanks them we have N.A. the first meeting of jimmy k was a A.A. meeting why?
the 12 program started with 2 people - one in recovery(Billy w.) another using (bob) Billy w didn’t go to talk with someone with more time than him. he went to yellow pages and he tried to found someone without recovery. do you remind what he said to Bob at the end?
... you helped me today... you helped me don’t go back and use again.... so, I am here today because the newcomer named Bob.
open mind friends.
who wrote that in past "that rule" maybe was wrong. why you don’t think about that for a while?
do you remind your first meeting? what do you felt when someone lasted you speak?
acceptance not rejection. just think about that and stopped doing the GOD job. by the way... do you remind what son of God done?
he always choused be with people who was sick. the newcomer isn’t just a newcomer IT´S ONE LIFE, and when he/her enter in a meeting room we all have that life in our hands. we have to take care , not say” you can’t speak" the newcomer won’t understand that stupid rule. give them time, let they give what they have to give.
the newcomer can be you next sponsor. done. one day I will banned of this site, I know it, but I fight for what I believe. you taught me how to love and felt love inside of me , now I have something to say.
ivone v. Portugal
--------------------------------------------
I WAS THINKING ABOUT JESUS, NOW FOLLOW THIS: GOD CHOOSED JESUS RO CARRY THE MESSAGE, JESUS CHOOSED 12 DISIPLES TO CARRY THE MESSAGE TOO, WE HAVE A 12 STEPS PROGRAM, OUR SPONSORS CARRY THE MESSAGE TO US, WE CARRY THE MESSAGE TO OUR SPONSEES, OUR SPONSEES CARRY THE MESSAGE TO THEM SPONSEES.
SO, CAN YOU SEE YOU REALLY ARE THE TOOLS GOD? CAN YOU SEE WHY YOU ARE IN RECOVEY?
CAN YOU SEE THIS IS NOT ABOUT CLOTHES , CARS, MONEY, A NEW HOUSE, A NEW CHILD, BOYFRIEND.
THE TRUE ABOUT WHY WE ARE IN RECOVERY IT´S WE WAS CHOOSED TO CARRY MESSAGE. GOD AND JESUS HAD THE POWER TO MADE EVERYTHING THEY WANT, BUT THE ONLY THING THEY MADE WAS CHOOSING PEOPLE TO CARRY MESSAGE.
THAT IS THE REALLY TRUE. SO , WE MUST HAVE TO STOP ASKING GOD FOR HELP HELP AND MORE HELP.
WE HAVE TO ACPETED THIS CHOOSEN AND HELP HIM TO CARRY HIS MESSAGE. MESSAGE IT´S SIMPLE : BE GOOD TO YOURSELF AND TO ANOTHER. HELPING THE WORLD , MAKING A BETTER WORLD.
NOW I AM BELIEVING IN THAT.
I KNOW THIS IS NOT ABOUT RELEGION...BUT IS ABOUT LOVE AND SPIRITUALITY