The concept of forgiveness

We often hear people telling people " you must forgive"
I always agreed with it, since was the only thing I knew until now.
But now let me asking something, or just allow me to take you deep on this and give you another vison. What happen to the ones who got really hurt by someone?
What happen to them when someone tells them to forgive people that really hurted them?
And if they are uncapable to forgive?
What do you think they will feel?
Let me tell you ... Guilty and shame!
So here is the contradiction. You are telling a client " isn't your fault! You need to forgive in order to move on"
If you said "isn't your fault " that means that in front of you is someone feeling guilty and shame. When that person for some reason doesn't forgive that means she or he end up feeling more guilty and shame!
They will end up feeling more bad about themselves and more inadequate.
I am not telling that revenge is OK because revenge is a negative motivation.
I am just telling that sometimes forgiveness/ absolution its just another form of denial.
Its people pretending that pain didn't happen!
How come them acknowledge their anger if they already forgiven?
Sometimes "be ready to forgive" its just a way to avoid pain or painful therapy. Is like a shortcut to feel better for some days or even some months.
The problem is that its just "some" and then they may end up turn that anger against themselves.
Sometimes people need to earn the forgiveness.
So remember " forgive and forget" can be a major trap for your emotions.
Done :)

Major changes in my life

Major change in my life

So here I am going through change again. I am doing 2 new things at same time. Well, not new, because I already have done this before, but even like that is change and I still don’t react well to change.
I left the counseling field for a while. doesn’t work very well counseling in PT, or I just had a bad experience.
I went through a major grieve about counseling. See, I had this dream to become a counselor, and I did it.
I had become a counselor at Cornell and that experience made me rich as wisdom.
I didn’t like everything there, of course, but I had bases, discipline, and guidance.
every time I walked that door I knew it what to do and what had to be done. So that gave me balance as professional in this field. Deep inside of me I still regret that I left, and I keep looking for the reason why I am in Portugal.
When I saw that counseling here doesn’t work well, I went down, and I was very disappointed.
I looked for another job, but the major answer was “ sorry, you are going to disrupted the clinician staff, because you are too qualified”
Amazing huh…. All the training I had in Texas gave me more wisdom, and also didn’t give me a job in Portugal.
I hated where I worked as a counselor, so I had to make a hard decision; or I would keep going on that crap, and keep going against everything I learned or I would leave my dream, and say good bye for a while.
So I did it! I left this field, and I went back to my old job, old boss, and old colleagues.
I had become a sells person, something that I wasn’t doing for 5 years.
Its been complicate, I don’t sell like before.
My boss and my colleagues keep looking at me waiting for the big show…waiting for the old me to come back like I was before.
I have been there for less than 1 month, and didn’t happen yet. Its been hard to manipulate…I guess I had lost some of that manipulation.
I had to adapt again to train, and subway and the fast Lisbon. So many people!!! The first time I travel though train and subway, I got lost! Amazing…I didn’t remind how where to go, where was the places in Lisbon .
I felt like going crazy!
Then the other major thing is I fell in love, finally, I fell in love!
I am about to live with him, and I have doubts!
He has 43 years old, but he thinks that he has 20 years old.
I keep wondering how ready I am for that. I keep wondering what I am doing, and why and for what.
The things worked well until the day he lie to me. And u guys know, that you don’t want lie to me!!!!
I m scared that I may go live with an emotional vampire.
I am giving him the benefit of the doubt.
My sponsor is been talking to me, and she cares about me.
Even like that I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt.
So for now its just that.
I didn’t come to this blog for a while. This blog had a purpose and that is gone…..
I may find that purpose again