Counselor Disclosure

by Ivone (CI)


Counselor Disclosure

It is always you who has to decided if youwant to have self-disclosure with the client. Somecounselors prefer to relate with clients in order notto make the client feel alone. Let me explain my pointof view on this subject. I hope that I will help somenew counselors decide if they want to have self-disclosure or not. I do not have any problem about relating withsomeone or telling my life story. Ten years ago whenI was in treatment I had learned something very interesting. I was in a treatment center where I didknow all the counselors they were an addicts, so Ithought I would have a counselor realating with me allthe time; I was wrong! They never related with me,they never even told me they were addicts. Every timeI was waiting for identification their answer werealways the same, “go talk with your peers about it tohave some identification” . In my mind, at that time,I thought it was absurd, how could they not relate tome? Why did I have to go to my peers? I knew they werean addicts, because I saw them before at the meetings!It didn’t make any sense to me at that time. There were times when I didn’t want my peersknow what was going on with, and even when I couldn’tmake my counselor to relate to me, I had to share thatin group. I remember how freighted that was to sharewith others things I didn’t want them to know aboutme. It was horrible, the feeling of emptiness after anindividual session, when I felt so vulnerable andalone. I left feeling I was the only one. Thosefeelings of be the only one were so uncomfortable thatit made me go to my peers and talk about the therapysensation. I wanted someone to relate with me, I didn’t wantto feel that uncomfortable feeling of being the onlyone. After a few years in recovery I came to understand why it happened like that, why they neverever related to me. I realized they were giving me themost powerful tool in the whole treatment! They weretraining me to learn how to ask for help. They wereteaching me how to depend of my peers and not them. The truth is when someone leaves treatment theycan no longer depend of their counselors. They have to depend of their sponsors, and NA\AA members. Sharingat the meeting with people we barley know is part ofthe recovery. When I found out the counselors wouldn'trelate to me I had to have the courage to share withothers where I was at that time in my recovery, I hadto share my secrets with others in order to getidentification. That experience made me able to start asking forhelp. As a result of that once I got to the meetingsit was more easy for me to share, ask for help, and totell my sponsor everything about me.

Thank you all for reading my story.

Contact : ivonejft@yahoo.com

Process

I am going to write about all of the topics because for me they are connected. I spent a big part of my life mad, and I also I found out in recovery when the things aren't like I want I also get mad. Normally when that happens it’s because how I am feeling inadequate, and of course I feel no power over things, people and places. My first reaction to this is temptation to control (fight), and finally when I get tired I surrender. It isn't often today because I feel more mature and more aware when it is time to use my sponsor, but it still happens sometimes, maybe one day I will have balance, lol Surrender for me is a way to be in peace, and when I surrender all my mind , body and spirit relax, I even can breath better:) When I use my sponsor I always obtain what all my life I was looking for.... fix its funny , in my active addiction I looked for the next fix in an unhealthy way and now when I have the opportunity to get that healthy fix from my sponsor that always take me more time, like sometimes it takes me a day to realize "maybe I should ask for help"! When I call my sponsor she helps me fix my mind and my beliefs and that helps me to put myself together and think clear. My sponsor told me to look in a dictionary for the words of a step I am doing now, my first reaction was: why, why and why, I am not in school, this is ridiculous! See I got mad and had a little fight in my mind with my whys, but at the end my answer was " there must be a reason and it don't hurt me and I can learn something with this" - I surrender it takes too much energy when I don't surrender. Not surrendering keeps me from enjoying life or even seeing life and beautiful things around me. Sponsorship for me is a way to give and receive energy and light. Working with my sponsees is very therapeutic for me because they put me in touch with my feelings. I do not scream, or try to control my sponsees and I refuse be the type of person who just gives feed back. What I believe is I have to take time to know who they are to make sure what I will tell them or even what I tell the to do isn't going to harm them more than they already are. I believe recovery is a process of learning and understanding and I let my sponsees to have their process of learning and understanding. With learning and understanding people will change a little bit everyday day. I just can't put in her head you are an addict so I will treat you as an addict. I know they are an addict but what I also know is they are a human being! This is also what I expect from my sponsor and so far is been working well. Sponsorship is also a way to do service work. In beginning of my recovery I did service because that was the suggestion, after I did because my friends were in that group, one day I found myself doing service because I care and I want to give back. This was also a process for me, a process to feel gratitude. I remember one day I went to share (Portugal) at a hospital where the HIV patients were and I was all obsessed about my share what I would say, you know ego stuff and my ego blew up when I saw someone there in terminal phase WANTING recovery, that made me think how little I was and futile. I went home feeling gratitude that God had given me a second chance on life. I feel gratitude because today I am not blind anymore, I can see, I can make decisions because NA gave me the tools I was looking for all my life. The tools I didn’t have when I was a child and teenager, I was living in circles, confused ones, I even didn't know I had feelings or even I could give names to the feelings. I didn't know how to speak because I was told to shut up, and NA gave me my voice and most of important gave me myself back. NA gave the opportunity to learn how to accept myself and was ok to be myself because I can be genuine today. When I forget to be grateful I become the mad Ivone who decides to sabotage everything around me because I believe the world is against me, so when I forget I go back to the self pity hole. I try not to forget today because NA gave me a tool which is to do a gratitude list. My first things in gratitude list is: today I can shower, and walk without pain in my body, so simple All those tools NA gives me allow me to change to be a better person to myself and others. Keeping myself free of drugs allows me to change during my recovery process. Recovery, life, steps, sponsorship, meetings, service and even my age make me change. My best experience of change was when I changed my spiritual focus of drugs, and places and people to NA and people in recovery. This was my best decision until today, but like everything I had also to give time to that process. I remember when I walked into NA doors I was still very focused on the people I left behind, was what I knew , was what I had had, and with time and I realized I wasn't missing those people anymore because today I had other people in my life, people in recovery I could relate to. Change for me is always a process like I said before, sometimes it's easy, but sometimes takes times because sometimes I have to change the way I think and see the reason about my believes, where my believes come from. Sometimes I resist changing because I am afraid of what I don't know and I can't control.
Unity is what I find in NA; A group of addicts together trying to live life without use of drugs; Unity when we help each other; Unity when we keep our meetings open; Unity when we carry the message; Unity, together we can what before we couldn't alone

Ivone

Clean date 03/06/1998

Step 4

STEP 4

Since I have been in recovery I hear a lot about how scary step 4 is. I see people getting stuck on it because of this fear. In my opinion this is a contradiction because before step 4 we did step 3, and step 3 tells us we decided to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, and have faith and trust. This step prepares us for step 4. I don't see why step 4 can cause so much fear. What I see is step 4 is big, and I have to write more. But it's like it says: We made a deep search.
For me all the steps are about grieving. Step work is a way to grieve. When I do step 4 I write about myself and that gives me the opportunity to be aware of myself, and then I can have some wisdom to handle the world around me. Writing is a simple way to become aware. When I write in step four about resentments, secrets, etc I am getting rid of the garbage I carry in my heart and my soul and at the end I will be free because I will have more space in my heart and soul for love and compassion.
What matters is the honesty in recovery! I can do step work 10 times but if I am not honest in what I write what good I am going to take of it? When I decide to do step work I also decide I have to be honest. That is the key to [succeeding] in recovery. In my country Portugal we have a slang about it, we say: I hurt my leg, but if I complain about my arm, I will get help for my arm and not for my leg where I have the pain. This is my own opinion. Today I have a [choice] VOICE to agree or disagree, just that. Step 4 gives us the possibility to work through our past life and our present. Give us also the possibility to work through cross addictions we may have. This disease is so strong that once we are free from drug addiction it can take us to another compulsive behavior. If you look careful we are able to work on that in step 4 because step 4 explores the 7 mortal sins.
The step 4 is a spiritual journey to know ourselves in a deep level. Like it says in step 4, How And Why "…our disease involves more than simple abstinence from drugs!" Step 4 also advises us to share with others our reservations. Reservations are thoughts we have, and we don't tell anyone. Sometimes we don't tell because those thoughts occur fast in our minds and we just don't pay attention. Other times because [it] sounds ridiculous to us. I can guarantee you those thoughts are not ridiculous at all, they our unconscious trying to become conscious.
An inventory process is like I said before; a way to be aware of who I am. Once aware we can make more choices in our life and no more can we use words such as "I don't know why I did or said it", or "It was my disease". Yes, step 4 is also a process to stop blaming the others and the world and take us out from the most dangerous space named self pity. Some worry about reading the fourth step to their sponsors. [What will they think about us?]WHAT THEY MAY THINK ABOUT US? We fear the exposure, we fear we will look [like the sickest person on Earth] AS THE BIGGEST SICK IN WORLD. Well, let me tell you something, I believe we have very similar stories. [Have you ever heard a speaker and started wondering how they know your story or that they might even be talking about you?] Never happen to you when sometimes you are listen a speaker and you start wondering… how is know your story our even wondering if the speaker is talking about you????
That is the magic in NA! We are not alone! That's why this program works so well because in NA we find what we don't find anywhere; identification.
Step 4 is not a boogie man; it's spiritual because we will find relief by giving the possibility to someone to relate to us. We will find courage to share other things in our life and no more [will we see] we have to look at [ourselves as a failure or as a sick person] US AS A FAILURE OR A SICK. Because in this NA world we will find someone who can relate to us no matter what or how bad we think we were.In our case when we start using we cope with those feelings with [drugs] DRUGS/ALCOHOL (see clarity statement) and we make sure we have enough dope to not allow us to feel, so we didn't learn how to feel. Once we get clean all those hidden feelings show up and give us the sensation that they are too much, too strong. My experience tells me the feelings don't kill!!! I found out I can survive feelings and emotions. Naming the feelings is a way to learn and identify what we feel. [They are] IT also a way for some of us to stop using so many times the word FUCK, the word Fuck isn't a feeling!
The resentments are the number one enemy to our recovery. Normally the resentments take us to a place of anger and self pity and it's our nature to feed it if we don't share it. Share it!!! Get rid of the garbage! [Surrounding yourself with] SURROUND OF resentments, self pity, and anger is dangerous because we become hostile and depressed. The way we look to the people, places, and things can affect our recovery and the way we think about those can make us prisoners again. Prisoners of what we think and believe. The step 4 works in this part as a cable to set us free, when we write down the role we play in [our] THOSE resentment. That role play isn't to confront us but just to give us an opportunity to move on. Forgive doesn't mean forget! Forgive means, I choose not to live with those resentments and be free of that. Freedom means, being able to enjoy life.
Page 43 and 44 takes us to a place named childhood. I believe for most addicts this is the most important but also most painful part to write. I also know from my experience it's the most beautiful experience I've had. Why? Simple, because through this I found out about my fears. Why I had so many? I found why I had fear of failure, of success, abandonment/ rejection, intimacy, fear of loss, why when people joke with me I feel they are making fun of me, [etc…].
I found out that all of the garbage fed to me by my parents and others as a child became part of my disease. Facing that painful journey and becoming aware of it made me feel the most incredible feeling of freedom. I came to look at myself not as an alien but someone who had to relearn how to feel about myself and to relearn to look at myself as a worthy person.
Today I know I am a woman in recovery with value and worth, and with some success in recovery to tell about. The biggest success I have after 9 years is I am still clean and everyday it's a success! At page 45 in end says: "We look for the times when we made decisions that hurt us… we also look for those times we made bad decisions that worked out well" I usually say: " my bad and good decisions are my experience in recovery which give me the opportunity to give back". I can tell you what did or didn't work for me and like that help others to make their own decisions. The danger is not making a decision at all because that will make us feel anxious, confused, depressed, angry. Page 46/47 tells us the only way to get to a spiritual place is to write down those steps and be honest because like someone [once] said "the truth will set us free". Doing step work is like I said before a way to get rid of the "GARBAGE"; resentments, secrets, blame, shame, etc… will come out of us and after we have more space inside of us to fill and is when we are able to receive love, to feel compassion, to see how beautiful this life is and how lucky we are to be alive and free spiritual[ly]


Good luck in this journey! Be Cool!

como conselheiros temos que ter mente aberta

Muitas vezes nos pergunta-mos:
- Porque e que escolho sempre as mesmas pessoas na minha vida?
- Porque e que tenho relacoes com pessoas que nunca estao emocionalmente disponiveis para mim?
- Porque e que as minhas relacoes nunca dao certo?
E com estas perguntas ha mais uma serie delas que nos perguntamos e ainda estao por responder.
convido vos a entrar nesta viagem curativa de auto- descobrimento
Fase 1 - SCREENING
a) conhecimento da pessoa
b) historial
Fase 2 - ASSESSMENT
a) procedimento onde o conselheiro identifica problemas existentes
b) desenvolvimento do plano de tratamento
Fase 3 - Plano de tratamento
Plano de tratamento elaborado e consentido pelo cliente
* o plano de tratamento podera ser alterado se houver necessidade, e o cliente sera informado da alteracao e o porque foi alterado.
Muitas vezes descobrem- se coisas que nunca foram significativas e passam a ser prioritarias para se tratar para que assim a recuperacao seja entao possivel

Denial

The following are common, normal feelings often experienced when a relationship ends. There is no right or wrong feeling to have - we each react to the end of a relationship in our own unique way.
Denial. We can't believe that this is happening to us. We can't believe that the relationship is over.
Anger. We are angry and often enraged at our partner or lover for shaking our world to its core.
Fear. We are frightened by the intensity of our feelings. We are frightened that we may never love or be loved again. We are frightened that we may never survive our loss. But we will.
Self-blame. We blame ourselves for what went wrong and replay our relationship over and over, saying to ourselves, "If only I had done this. If only I had done that".
Sadness. We cry, sometimes for what seems an eternity, for we have suffered a great loss.
Guilt. We feel guilty particularly if we choose to end a relationship. We don't want to hurt our partner. Yet we don't want to stay in a lifeless relationship.
Disorientation and confusion. We don't know who or where we are anymore. Our familiar world has been shattered. We've lost our bearings.
Hope. Initially we may fantasize that there will be a reconciliation, that the parting is only temporary, that our partner will come back to us. As we heal and accept the reality of the ending, we may dare to hope for a newer and better world for ourselves.
Bargaining. We plead with our partner to give us a chance. "Don't go", we say. "I'll change this and I'll change that if only you'll stay".
Relief. We can be relieved that there is an ending to the pain, the fighting, the torment, the lifelessness of the relationship.
While some of these feelings may seem overwhelming, they are all "normal" reactions and are necessary to the process of healing so that we can eventually move on and engage in other relationships. Be patient with yourself

Steps

1ºSTEP I cant, i dont want surrender its be honest (drugs bad life), acceptance

1- indentify losses and to accept to fight from what i am at the moment and what i have

2 - indentify to the mechanisms of defence

3- acceptance of "is an incurable illness

2º STEP somebody can, faith, to believe the high power, to improve self esteem, to value the small changes, to return the health is to return the domain of the life. Insanity - it is the Inability to handle with subjects to do..dutis and responsabilty in society and still not to recognize its proper illness and the track of destruction left by this deases.

3º STEP I to leave itself, to fill the emptiness left for the drugs with the high power, to deal with the anxiety [ what I go to make ] tomorrow, to deal with the Real [ I I am thus ] and with unreal [ that I can ] deal with the limitations [ more not to be than I am ]

4º STEP meet I + I , face the facts (unconfortables) see the value of freedom

5º STEP to show as I am for I + ANOTHER ONE + GOD, the feelings, mechanisms of defense, fear of the stranger, objective to work the honesty, humildade, responsibilities, to identify /reconguinese and to ratify the unhealthy behaviors and losses.

6º STEP I + GOD. I am ready to effect the changes

7º STEP GOD + I. To beg to effect the changes [ not it infidelity ]. Identify/recoguenise consequent behaviors of the defects/imperfects and the decurrent ones of the addiction

8º STEP self-knowledge, to carry through the list of situations/names of the wronged ones and to remember that the wronged ones of today will be the ones of tomorrow.

9º STEP act of pardon to another one. Repairing without justice does not exist

10º STEP today to repair me. If I not to place respect/honesty with me, other they go to act equal I. Of the situations I have the positive and negative side. The hard will 3 minutes, but the fancy increases and if drug [ the will is of a high power ]. The emotional fallen again one is for the manipulation

11º STEP I pass to carry through 2o and 3o daily steps

12º STEP I pass to take the message to donate itself, the gratitude, therefore when you it arrived everything was ready

topics

I am going to write about all of the topics because for me they are connected. I spent a big part of my life mad, and I also I found out in recovery when the things aren't like I want I also get mad. Normally when that happens it’s because how I am feeling inadequate, and of course I feel no power over things, people and places. My first reaction to this is temptation to control (fight), and finally when I get tired I surrender. It isn't often today because I feel more mature and more aware when it is time to use my sponsor, but it still happens sometimes, maybe one day I will have balance, lol Surrender for me is a way to be in peace, and when I surrender all my mind , body and spirit relax, I even can breath better:) When I use my sponsor I always obtain what all my life I was looking for.... fix its funny , in my active addiction I looked for the next fix in an unhealthy way and now when I have the opportunity to get that healthy fix from my sponsor that always take me more time, like sometimes it takes me a day to realize "maybe I should ask for help"! When I call my sponsor she helps me fix my mind and my beliefs and that helps me to put myself together and think clear. My sponsor told me to look in a dictionary for the words of a step I am doing now, my first reaction was: why, why and why, I am not in school, this is ridiculous! See I got mad and had a little fight in my mind with my whys, but at the end my answer was " there must be a reason and it don't hurt me and I can learn something with this" - I surrender it takes too much energy when I don't surrender. Not surrendering keeps me from enjoying life or even seeing life and beautiful things around me. Sponsorship for me is a way to give and receive energy and light. Working with my sponsees is very therapeutic for me because they put me in touch with my feelings. I do not scream, or try to control my sponsees and I refuse be the type of person who just gives feed back. What I believe is I have to take time to know who they are to make sure what I will tell them or even what I tell the to do isn't going to harm them more than they already are. I believe recovery is a process of learning and understanding and I let my sponsees to have their process of learning and understanding. With learning and understanding people will change a little bit everyday day. I just can't put in her head you are an addict so I will treat you as an addict. I know they are an addict but what I also know is they are a human being! This is also what I expect from my sponsor and so far is been working well. Sponsorship is also a way to do service work. In beginning of my recovery I did service because that was the suggestion, after I did because my friends were in that group, one day I found myself doing service because I care and I want to give back. This was also a process for me, a process to feel gratitude. I remember one day I went to share (Portugal) at a hospital where the HIV patients were and I was all obsessed about my share what I would say, you know ego stuff and my ego blew up when I saw someone there in terminal phase WANTING recovery, that made me think how little I was and futile. I went home feeling gratitude that God had given me a second chance on life. I feel gratitude because today I am not blind anymore, I can see, I can make decisions because NA gave me the tools I was looking for all my life. The tools I didn’t have when I was a child and teenager, I was living in circles, confused ones, I even didn't know I had feelings or even I could give names to the feelings. I didn't know how to speak because I was told to shut up, and NA gave me my voice and most of important gave me myself back. NA gave the opportunity to learn how to accept myself and was ok to be myself because I can be genuine today. When I forget to be grateful I become the mad Ivone who decides to sabotage everything around me because I believe the world is against me, so when I forget I go back to the self pity hole. I try not to forget today because NA gave me a tool which is to do a gratitude list. My first things in gratitude list is: today I can shower, and walk without pain in my body, so simple All those tools NA gives me allow me to change to be a better person to myself and others. Keeping myself free of drugs allows me to change during my recovery process. Recovery, life, steps, sponsorship, meetings, service and even my age make me change. My best experience of change was when I changed my spiritual focus of drugs, and places and people to NA and people in recovery. This was my best decision until today, but like everything I had also to give time to that process. I remember when I walked into NA doors I was still very focused on the people I left behind, was what I knew , was what I had had, and with time and I realized I wasn't missing those people anymore because today I had other people in my life, people in recovery I could relate to. Change for me is always a process like I said before, sometimes it's easy, but sometimes takes times because sometimes I have to change the way I think and see the reason about my believes, where my believes come from. Sometimes I resist changing because I am afraid of what I don't know and I can't control.
Unity is what I find in NA; A group of addicts together trying to live life without use of drugs; Unity when we help each other; Unity when we keep our meetings open; Unity when we carry the message; Unity, together we can what before we couldn't alone

Ivone V. From Portugal and member of Irving group Clean date 03/06/1998