The depress client

The depress client
When I arrive I noticed a client that was always in his room sleeping.
He barely was coming to the groups and was always with his head down very depress.
I looked at him and I could see the self pity taking control of him.
I confronted him in the first day, and I could see that made the things worse, and I could see hate in his face.
Like I said before he was spending 24 hours in his room and he just was showing up to smoke.
I realized that confront wasn’t the best way to deal with that client.
That client had surrendered himself to self pity and depression.
I started to hear that he didn’t eat at all.
Then came the day that we had to divide the clients, and I was going to have a caseload.
I asked for him in my caseload…well, lol, I had the opportunity to choose all my clients, and I got all I wanted.
I told him that he was my client, and he didn’t like it.
I asked him to come to see me and have an individual session and he refused.
As egocentric I could have the choice to take that personal, and rebellious against him…..
As a counselor trained by mentor I have another choice, and I follow it…..
I decided to leave him alone, and wait until he was ready to talk to me.
Like before in USA, I do the same here….I am not a office counselor!
I am a counselor who is always around the clients, sitting with them, talking banal stuff.
I am very intelligent, and that is very attractive to people, but I have other thing that is also very important and attractive - I am funny! J
But let me go first to the first steps before the funny part.
I decided to gain the trust of that person…..
One morning I walked into his room and I brought him a bread with sweet of orange.
He looked at me very surprise!!!!!
How come I was bringing him food!!!!!
My intention was to show him that I cared about him.
Then I started to ask him if everything was OK.
Never asked him to come to groups, or individual session, or do treatment work.
Then he started to come around, leaving his room, and I notice that he was laughing hard with my funny things.
A week passed….. And one day we was outside and he looked at me and he said “ you are my counselor, right?”
I said “ yes I am”
Ok, so I am HIV positive, and my life was like this…….”
Yeahhhhh, was beautiful!!!! Lol
I gained his trust
Last weekend he passed the weekend in my office listening music, and around me.
I went to pick him up today to take him to a tattoo place and he asked me to choose a tattoo for him.
Well, the result of this, is that since last week we see in him a different person.
We see that he isn’t in his room anymore like before, and he is always laughing and asking for help.
He started the step 1, and he told me today that he is taking his take to the step 1, and take it serious.
He also told me that step 1 is making him realize a lot of stuff, and he is feeling well.
He is also helping other clients from my caseload to do step 1.
What is the message in here?
Simple…don’t take personal if a client refuses your help
Give them time to feel secure to come over you.
Trust in your skills, and wait
How many time we say that this program is about attraction and not promotion?
Let them study you
Let them to feel attraction for your skills, and come to you to get what you have to teach them
that’s all
The clients like that we spend time with them. They need acceptance!
I take the break fast, lunch, snack time, dinner on the table with them.
In the other day I was late to have dinner and one came to take me and said “ ivone, your dinner is on the table is going to be cold, come” J
So cute!

Secrets

Secrets with the clients.....
I never have secrets with the clients. I believe that clients have to share those secrets with their peers, in order to build trust.
Also, I don't want to have that kind of relationship with clients, where I keep their secrets. I think isn't healthy.
My experience tells me that most counselors like to have secrets with the clients.
For some reason that brings them power, and feeds their ego.
Is like “ ohhhh, he/she told me. I must a very good counselor”
this is a mistake!
You may want to motivate the client to share that secret with someone else.
Now let me tell you something that never happen to me before.
I had a client who came to me and told me a secret. I advice him to go tell it to another client.
The other client got panic when the other client told him the secret.
They came to me in the morning and he was very upset “ why you chooses me to be told his secret? Why me? “
he was really in panic.
I told him “ well, do not focus on the event. Focus on the betrayed of the people that you must trusted just need to identify with the feeling of betrayed. That is it!”
the guy said OK, and left.
The other guy whom told the secret was confuse, and waa weird the fact that he shared and asked for help and th peer reacted bad to that.
Now...... was a mistake?
Was a missunderstanding?
Did I choosed wrong?
Nahhhhhhhhhhh, lol
So, what really happened, and why.
The client that panic was molested by his mother. He never shared that in group, and refuse to share that. The only person he shared it was to a psychologist whom told me.
I am his primary counselor, and I keep motivating him to share, and he refuses to share anything.
What I did is called “ transference”
I knew it that he would react when the other client was going to tell him about molestation.
I wanted a reaction.
Now lets see what is going to happen, and if that will make him share.
I am going to call him “ the lost boy”
going back to the topic ----- as a counselor we need to motivate clients to share secrets with their peers.
You need to understand that is a step 4 and 5 that has to be made with a sponsor.
We are not sponsors of our clients.
We are counselors, and counseling is more than NA or AA..

boundories

boundories...more, and more I believe that boundories are very importante in the couseling field.
One of the things I learned is that we have to learn boundories, and not take personal what clients do.
why are counselors that argue with clients? what is the point of that? for what?
what that will brings you? counseling is not a war.
Argueing with clients will just feed your ego, and will not build the trust beetween you and the client.
the point of couseling is just care the message and give to the client a new point of view, in order for them to be able to choose what point they want for their lifes.
Now, if you are a female counselor working with male population - you for sure , you dont want to that!
A man is raise to take care of the family, and has the need to be need by a woman, and be value by a woman.
If you as a woman humiliate that man in group then you may hurt that man very much, and you may loose him, and will never recover.
Take the pride of that man and use in a good way.
Show the male population that you believe in them, encourage them, motivate them.
teach them the value of having a relationship with a woman base on trust and not sex, and humiliation.
I keep believing that we need to look for qualities in the clients in order to build that, and use that for recover.