I just cried and cried watching my friends here

Disrespect at work place

Disrespect at work place
One crazy left, another came in, lol
Its so tired working with NA/AA sponsors playing counselors!
The good news is I just need to deal with it once a week.
These people don’t have any boundaries. They get too much attached to the clients, and they become clients rescue.
See, all of us have favorite’s clients, but get to the point to be their protector???? Come on now!
I came to realize that my favorite clients normally are the short ones. They are so little that they become cute, but I know how separate myself emotional from them. Today they are there, tomorrow they are gone.
But let me get to the point of the topic
So I have these 2 counselors who work together (thanks God, lol) that are so similar.
One thinks she is more qualified than my director, and supervisors and she thinks school degree is what matters. At the end she almost sent the “client that I don’t understand to jail” because her degree was too high to understand that client was mental hill and she would have to adapt to the client and not the client to adapt the counselor.
Then we have this other counselor who I call the “speed paranoid”
She drinks more coffee that you can imagine, and she wants to do everything that at the end she just does incomplete stuff. She confuses herself and others in seconds.
So last staff meeting I saw something that I really, really didn’t like it.
They both decided to disrespect my supervisor!!!!
What hell???? He is their supervisor!!!!
I just stand up, went to my office and close the door and was there by myself!
Who they think they are?
It’s sad!
I am waiting for the day that the big director one day snaps, and joins all of them them in a little room and tells them so some true….ohhhh she will snap, lol, sooner or later.
Me ? I am happy!
I work with the best person on that facility.
Someone complete different form me, and because of that I respect a lot.
The clients around us they have what I call a functional family.
They know that we like each other that we respect each other, and we make decisions together.
We even do groups together. We are a happy team together!
He is quite, I am wild, but we respect each other and we bring balance to the unit!
It’s cool!
I really don’t like see people disrespecting people that I like.
In this life we need to respect old people and our superiors all the time. I was raise like that!

Desire to change

so after my last post, when I decide to expose myself I made some decisions.
why I say expose myself???
It's easy for a human being to keep doing insanaty in secret, and that insane part just will get strong. Once exposed creats feelings of shame, and guilty due that expusure. Once I become emotional about it, I make decisions.
Being honest is my strongest weapon against insanaty.
today I decide to pay some more of the university, and now I am waiting for them to allow me to continue my lessons.
I didn't meet anyone in th elast 3 days, so I can say I am recovering
for now it's all

the counselor is now sick

I have been having the craziest days off ever!
So I am been thinking to come here and just let the world know how my dating bullshit is going on.
So at the beginning I really thought I was going to meet the one!
I thought would be quick, but wasn’t!
I started this dating with an open heart and now its close!
I believe I went back to my old me.
Anyway, so I met this beautiful Engeneer Indian guy who I liked. After 2 weeks I was breaking up with him.
I met another one who had become my friend and sometimes I call him, like once in a month to hang out with him.
The first time I was with him, I thought that probably we would become more than friends, but soon I realized that wasn’t possible, and since then I just call him when I want to go to his house.
Last time he had decided to give me therapy….and I came out of this house without even knows my name.
So, he decided to say the difference between me and Sharon stone and the movie basic instinct were NONE.
So I asked him if he was calling me sociopath. He said no, but, he said my only goal wasn’t to get a relationship but play sexual minded, and once I am in a mind of a man is game over for them.
They guy really believes that, because one day he asked if I was going to kill him, LOL
Oh my…..I have been hearing and experience the craziest shit in my life….
Moving on.
He had decided with the therapy to not let me stand up from the bed.
He said” wait, stay, and feel me”
What the fuck? I don’t want to feel u…I don’t want to feel shit!
He said I am a vampire, isn’t going to be a man that can control you ever.
lol, lol, really???? What’s new?
He says that I refuse to connect with someone. When I ask him why he said that he answer “because you just like to have sex in my balcony, when you know that I will be freaking out afraid to be seen by my neighbors.. You like to see fear in my eyes, and that isn’t normal. You have sex like a man does. You act like a man, you should be more feminine”
Ah! Who said I was normal?
My point is…..if I see he isn’t emotionally available why I should stay in bed with him????
To be living in illusion.
We argued, and I told him he was afraid of me, and to quite to try to make me fall for him, and then I was mean by telling him, I wouldn’t fall because I am already in his mind and that means game over for him. I will have him when I want 2.
I know, I shouldn’t have said that! But at this point I am already frustrated, and this is the signs that I believe I am going back to the old me.
I don’t want to be with him. He doesn’t want to be with me, but the true is we keep coming back to each other, and once we are together is passion!
See, is something going on between me and this guy I don’t understand. What I know is for some reason I decide to hurt me.
Before we was together we was texting each other back and forward, and I asked him how long he didn’t have sex.
He answer me “1 month ago”
Dam..was like a knife in my heart!
He asked me the same, but I didn't answer - I had a plan! I was going to hurt him back - but more that I got
Acting normal would be letting go, but I wanted him to feel what I felt so I told him to come and pick me up at that moment.
So I went through with my plan…..while we were having sex I asked him “so, do you still want to know when was the last time I had sex?”
He said “ yes”
My answer was “ yesterday!”
He went ice and he looked at me with a very open eyes “ are you serious? Are you telling me you had sex yesterday with another man?”
“yep”
And I started to laugh - really laughing
And then I asked “ what did you feel when I said that?”
Look it here….I know this is insane. I know this is sick, but something happen to me and I know I am acting crazy.
This is not the first time happens to me. The first time I was coming out of a bad relationship and I had loose a child and I decided to go to North of Portugal and I did the same. I was in my 6th year in recovery. Until today the NA people from the north of Portugal still don’t talk to me, so we can see for this how messy I was.
Now is true or not what I told him about having sex the night before?
Yes, was true!
I met this beautiful guy with piercing and he was really nice.
But for me he was a bad boy I was going to seduce just for fun.
For some reason I am hunting ego and power.
I left quick as I came in, and next day by IM on yahoo I told him to go fuck himself.
He said I was crazy…..who wouldn’t?
Next day I think why in the hell I told him to go fuck himself??? Why??? why????
I had this doctor/ scientist cancer research that wants to have a relationship with me.
I never had nothing with him, but here is a normal guy, usefully who wants to be my boyfriend and I said NO.
Go figure!
So now I went out with this guy - normal one- who is an account something, which is buying a house, and has a BMW Z4
Didn’t like him much because he is short like me, but we talk. He asked me a bunch of questions.
After 2 days I went out with him again and without asking he just kissed me.
I asked him “where that came from? That was weird!
He just laughs and said he didn’t know.
For some reason I was relaxed at the second date and I kept acting like a clown and he kept laughing. He told me that I am unique!
Really? What new?
I am ready to tell him I don’t want to see him ever again.
Why? I don’t know!
In other day I got an email from the crazy guy I lived with in Fort Worth asking me to come back to him.
?????????????/ What?????????????
After all this time he asks me to come back to him???? hello!
He decided to knock on my door without authorization.
When I open the door and I see was him, I couldn’t believe!!!!
“what are you doing here?”
He said I love you I want you back
My answer was” oh, I have bad news for you. The girl you met is gone…now this one is the old me. Doesn’t feel shit, doesn’t even care!
In his way home he got a flat tire and he called me to come and help him between Irving and Fort Worth.
My answer was” what? Call someone else. I don’t care if you are in the middle of the road”
He text me saying “ who are you? You really changed!”
Yep!
I did!
So, what is the point of my story.
I think I need help! Not sure yet!
Let’s see
So, my sex addiction is active
I am angry
I am destructive and suicidal
Ok then, I need help
Now, why? Why I am all of this? What happened? I need to know!
Why I went back to my old behavior?
Why I don’t care anymore?
Here is a video that shows me at this time
If I was too graphic I am sorry folks ….I just know one way to write - is telling everything!
I decide to not see my friend again
I decide to stay home this weekend
I am getting tired
soon I will stop all of this
I am so home sick
I need to go there, and be with my friends - I need a restart!

The client that I don’t understand - but I try!

The client that I don’t understand - but I try!
So like I said before she isn’t my client anymore, because she is taking now psych meds.
So now here is what is happening between counselor and client.
This client is very mental hill. Once again her drug of choice was ecstasy.
She was seen by two doctors and each one diagnose complete different form each other.
Why? Because this is a client that should be under observation, to be diagnose correct.
Like I said before she has normal conversations, but then when she is alone you can see what is really going on with her.
Her dynamic with her counselor isn’t going very well.
She is very paranoid, doesn’t give to her the assignments because she believes the counselor is destroying it to sabotage her.
She tells that her counselor is been following her since high school.
Paranoia - symptom of????? Hello!!!!
So last week the counselor asked the team to join her as witness with the client.
So the client came to the office and what I saw????
I saw counselor and client having an argument!!!!
I saw the counselor saying to the client” here, I am the counselor! You are the client!”
Come on…… now….
When she was my client my mentor told “don’t push her! Try to understand the client!”
Was exactly what I did, and that made me gain her trust.
I kept seen the counselor getting angrier because the client decided to answer to me, and talk to me and not to her.
Well, I just kept acting with the client like a learned to do it…with love, compassion, and understanding.
So now what is the result of this?
They want to send a mental hill person whom they don’t understand to jail!!!!!!!!
Isn’t human
Is ego
Isn’t human!
I am sad with this….she is just mental hill

Counselors vs. predators

Counselors vs. predators

Well, lets stop using the word predators and lets define it.
Normally when you read this work what comes to your mind is chasing, after of.
Let me give to it another mean
Here what happens in this field sometimes.
Sometimes counselors make bad decisions, because their ego, and because they are not aware of themselves.
Once again I keep fighting for what I believe, and let me tell you what is:
“ if you never did treatment, please DO NOT be a counselor!”
At least make some therapy to be aware of yourself, and your limitations as a human being.
I have this collegue of my who had decided to play the seduce game with a client. Of course he lost!!!!
Is he a predator???? Can we call him that????
NO, we cant!
So lets call him what he really is - sex and love addict!!!
See, we come to work in the field of drug addiction, and you think what matters is been clean ( if u are an addict/ alcoholic)
You get yourself focus on a secondary problem, and you forget the primary.
We had become a sex and love addict before who used or drink!
You think that AA/NA will give you the power to be above of that, but doesn’t!
AA/NA just treats the secondary problem - drug addiction/ alcoholism
And here you coem to this field without be aware.
Me and my other collegue we spoke before that something was wrong with this cousnelor.
He was acting weird, very anxious, and he will desapear for 1 week, over and over again.
Why he desapear???
GAME OVER!
So here he comes, with a lot of clean time, and with a lot of years as coinselor thinking he could play the game without loosing it.
He starts to play the seducing game with one of our clients.
Of course she accepted the invention because she is in need at this time.
So what I said GAME OVER???
Because the client fell in love with the counsleor!
So now how he is going to resolve that????
He cant anymore! Its over!
So now he has a client who doesn’t accept rejection and kows that she can twist his world.
In his mind he promisses: I am going to end with this tomorrow!”
He tries, so why he doesn’t do it????
Because now he is afraid - he lost the control!
He has afraid that th eclient gets mad and tell the true, so he runs from work, calling in sick.
He has a contract with the client, and she now has the power to end with his career if she wants too.
He tried to manipulate me last week by saying “ oh I am so glad I am moving.. See in here its had for me to be a counselor because if I play with them they are going to think I want to sleep with them”
I thought” why in the hell you are telling me that???”
Now that I am writing, I am thinking that he maybe was asking for help.
But at that time I just thought: “ this doesn’t make sense! Since I am been here he already was moved like 4 times! He should be mad and feel used, and he is happy????? Something is wrong with this dude”
Yep, something was wrong! He had an opportunity to move away from the client.
The client also acted weird, and me and my collegue noticed that.
The client cried her eyes out when she found out she was getting 60 days extension.
Last week she found out that extension wasn’t going to be 60 days, and she was going home soon.
She reacted sad, with a lack of happiness!
Now we know! She is in love
This is what happens when 2 sex and love addicts meet - the status is over!
Is no longer the counselor and the client
Is just 2 broken children whom become emotional vampires, playing with fire!
Before you come to this field make those questions:
- what is my core issues?
- am I a sex addict?
- am I a love addict?
If yes, that means that ANY TIME, you can even play once!
Once you play - GAME OVER for you!
To be more clear - if you are a drug addict will you go to a dope house?
Will you play with an addict who is still using drugs?
Guess not!
So take this serious, and don’t be ignorant
My name is Ivone, I am an addict, and a sex and love addict - BUT I AM AWARE OF IT!
ARE you?

Get out of the office…move around please!!!!

Get out of the office…move around please!!!!
So today I arrived to work after my 3 days off. Once again the clients were screaming at each other, and just out of control.
Their out of control made the new CI quite her job in her first day.
I have been notice that something is wrong, but I never know what was. What I know is every Wednesday the clients are crazy.
Made me wonder how I left them OK at Saturday and how come Wednesday when I came back they are just acting out.
I look at their faces and they are exhausted, depress!!!!
So today I had a group about “negative garbage” and I decided to ask them what is going on.
They answer was:
“When you are not here this unit become a complete chaos, and everyone starts to do what they want.
When you are around this doesn’t happen because you bring us structure, and you treat us equal. “
My answer was: but you have more 3 counselors on duty, why are you saying that I am the only one who brings you structure???
“Because you are the only one who cares. When is a problem on the unit you go there and you tried to find out.
You talk with us and you go inside of our inner child”
So dear colleagues, what this is telling us???
Am I the best counselor in the universe????
NO I AM NOT!
What do I do?
I connect with clients.
My colleagues they spend their day inside of the office. Rarely do they come outside. They spend too much time on the computer, talking with each other, etc
This is what I do:
I start my work Wednesday, and right way I start to do individual sessions. At Thursday 5 pm I am done with individual sessions, and then Friday and Saturday I spent my time around the clients.
I sit with them, and I become one of them.
Become one of them????
Yes!
I just sit around and we talk about superficial stuff.
We talk, we play, we laugh, and we listen to music, and dance.
I am the counselor, I am the staff, but I also make myself leave the office and go meet the clients in a more deep way. The only way to do that is make myself one of them.
This is called - building trust.
See, when I am doing an individual session the client acts the way she thinks I want her to act.
She is nervous, anxious because she knows at that moment I am analyzing her. So I just get half of her.
When I am around them I get much more, because they are relax, so they give me much more information about them.
They also know when I am serious I am serious and they don’t play with me, or make me fool.
Normally at 8 am of the morning I sit with them in the morning meeting. Why?
Simple, to see how they are doing, what concerns they are going to bring.
I just choose to connect with them.
For them structure means they know what expect from me.
They know that I am going to make sure the rules and regulations are going to be follow, but they also know that I am going to have fun with them if everything is going ok.
I believe I am become what my mentor wish for me - the middle counselor - not too bad - not too good
I know isn’t “middle”, I know is another word that I just can’t remember now.
One of the things I am realizing is I am become for them a leader.
I am not trying to be pretentious, but how you explain all the counselors are in the office, and the clients when they have a question, a problem, a need, they just say my name, and they just ask me?????
So we are 5 counselors on the duty, and they come to the door and is always, Miss V. ( my name)
So here is my advice….. Connect with the clients.

Investigate what you need to investigate in order to bring the unit together and healthy.
Don’t let things go to far.
Don’t have favorites, and don’t protect your clients or hide information about your clients.
Show clients that you are also a human being.
Don’t split staff, even if you don’t like each other please come together and not dysfunctional. They already are coming back from a dysfunctional family, so they don’t need that again.
When you are about to have your days off, please, before you go relate with staff about everything you may think is important to tell. That will prepare the other staff who is coming in.
See what is going on in their world. Don’t make yourself better or low than them…
Equal!!!!

Yes you are a counselor….
No, you are not a client….
This is not about that, don’t take it personal….. Is all about - building trust!
Done ;)
And now stay with my baby....ADAM LAMBERT.