Certificate

Certificate

love - relationships

What really means to like someone?
How that does it feel?

Well, I have been having all my life dramatic relationships.
I believed at that time that love or be with someone would implicate strong feelings and a good make up!
Today I am afraid of the word " make up"
I would fight and argue in the relationships in order to make up.
My relationships all base on make up.
As a counselor I had learned that has to do with the abandonement. I sabotaged in order to restart.
When the relationship was OK I would get bored.
Now I love that what I would call boring.
I made new choices base on what I learned.
I said before that I hate make up now because its not what I want anymore. I don't want figths, screams , or arguments
I want a relationship base on spirituality!
That doesn't mean that isn't there a rush. Of course is there the rush of being in love. But thge most importante is we can go wild but we do it in peace.
Today I like a relatonship that brings me tranquality and peace of mind!
I love the touch and just be there. .. Just feeling.
I am not there anymore to control or to be controled.
Isn't a game anymore!
When I feel that I am getting into a relationship that would bring anxiety I right way end up it.
I truely believe that universe knows what to do and what to bring us.
So people love and be love!
If u see that the person who is with you doesn't undertstand you or don't treat in a equal way, so u may want get the F... Out of there soon as possible.
Live love
Live passion
But please... Don't live drama!
Done :)
Ivone V.

bad luck vs hard life

Everything was going just fine until last monday.
I was home ready to sleep and I though about going to facebook webpage. Once there I got an email saying that my mothers house was burning out.
I couldn't believe what I was reading.
I went over there and I got in touch with a very sad picture. The cat was dead. The house was burn and she was ok like if it didn't matter.
She was not in touch with reality and I have doubts if she already is.
I didn't tear apart. Until today I didn't !
Is like I...
Is just wierd how easy I didn't get emotional.
So here I am dealing with this and I DON'T WANT IT!
I just want to run and hide and be very far away.
I keep looking at my mother and have contradictions feelings.
I guess that's why I didn't tear appart or even didn't allow myself to have to.
I look at her and sometimes I feel sorry for her.
Other times I look and a question " how you dare have made me your mother since my young age? "
I wonder when this is going to end and I wonder if I am going to be free ...one day
Isn't fair. But as someone told me " life isn't fair"
But I am so fucking tired of this fair thing!
Were moments that I questioned God!
Hell yeah, why shouldn't I question Him!
Were meoments - may mean guilty of some kind of ofense towards GOD!
Today. I am writing this because I am angry and deeply sad.
I am also scared!
Don't know exactly how to handle with this situation and having my neighbors trying to take her out of there.
I am also scared for my mother.
My head is blowing up.
My boyfriend is working by my side and as handle with this with me, but I am ressenting him and all the world.
You may want to call it self pity. I call it bad luck and hard life.

its the silence gold?

Is the silence gold?
I rember one day I walked into my ex directo office and I said " why I fight so much for what I believe? Why I just don't shut up?"
I was trying to remember his answer but I don't!
I do remember that we went through this subject and I was feeling bad about it.
I was having some kind of the problems at work because I couldn't shut up and I would fight for what I believed. At the end people would look at me as if I was crazy and I was left alone.
So didn't work very well ivones fight!
For some reason I am quite now. I don't fight like before and I shut up when I see no point going through all this process.
Its is that good?
Am I avoiding something?
Or finnaly I am letting go when I see bull shit?
Not sure about it!
What I know is when I decided to shut up I transfer my energies to something else.
See, I don't like anymore that side of me who would tell people how smart I was and how clear I was, and I was on their game so they couldn't decived me!
Yeah, was a waste of time and would appear arrogant and at same time naive!
The true was, if I was so smart why the hell I would go through all that fight and try to proove something?
I guess I don't need that as much as a did before!
I am like I am, and I have my own oppinions and people around me don't need to be like me or think like me.
That also makes me unique since is no one like me. So its good to have our own way of thought.
This change also gets me to a place that I am become less impulsive.
So like one ex collegue I had would say " its all good" :)

reservations why that happen?

Seams like I am full back to writing stuff!
Today I was waiting for the train to go home and I start to think about reservations.
What they are?
What they are use for?
Are they some of mechanism of defense?
I guess they are too.
Are too because it can be use in two ways.
Reservations is always what you don't say. What you don't share. Those are little secrets that you keep in your head.
I also call it a backup plan.
Reservations its human!
Reservations are use to avoid pain and normally works like this " if this doesn't work I will..." " Maybe if... I will get better luck"
Reservations and denial are smiliar or maybe the same, its up to you how you look it.
People can get caught on their own reservations if they don't share it.
Can bring confuse.
See reservations happen when you don't totally believe in something.
As an example I have recovery and relationships.
Let's start with recovery:
" If the things don't go like a I want, I may end up going back and use"
" Well I am telling to the counselors what they want to hear but then will be my way"
Why this happen?
Huh... People are too scare of change. Until then their way was everything they knew, so can you imagine if you want to take from them everything they have ?
Can you imagine how they feel and how they will react?
If you are telling someone to do a new way that means you are taking out the old way and that means grieve :) pain
Reservations will allow them to get more time to get use to your new suggestions. They will try it very slow and that as a name - recovery is a slow process. Right?
Right.
Relationships:
What people fear most?
Rejection/ abandon
I don't believe that when you start a relationship you give yourself complete!
How many times do you say " well let's see how this will work out"
How many times you do "sex games" with other people or little cracks of seduction?
Those are reservations!
So reservations at the end its just insecurity!
Its just a way that makes you believe that you are in control of any situation.
Unreal but a fact.
Done :)

therapy??? huh

This country isn't ready for therapy. My culture is latin so therefor latins think they will solve problems inside of the family and no need for therapy. The concept of therapy is none! But what I want to talk about is therapy sabotage.
People come to therapy when they are very unstable. Emotinal break down. Therapy as this magic of resolution. Short term resolution. People get a little relieve and that take them to think they are OK and already pass.
They don't undertstand the only thing they had was a temporary relieve and they need to do work and keep working on their selves.
People feel they are in control again so they don't follow the therapist suggestions. Us as counselors keep seen those people caming back to the same feelings.
The answer was told them in their first therapy but they keep waiting and going through short cuts.
They avoid pain.
Also they avoid pain through share.
Are lots of peolpe that believe if they share the same subject with their therapist then with sponsor then with 10 friends then at the meetings that everything will be all right!
Mistake!
They are just getting relieve to the problem and not solving the problem.
The problem will ketch up with them soon again.
They have been spending years in the path doing the same over and over again.
They are uncapable to realize that isn't working anymore and they may need something else.
They keep beleving that NA/ AA is enough and they don't realize that their problem goes beyond addiction.
Addiction isn't the problem anymore!
Its you!

does a bad relationship stops you to fall in love again?

Does a bad relationship stops you to fall in love again?
Nahhh
This is what I believe - doesn't exist bad relationships.
Is always a reason for you to be with that person. If you are not too focus on your ego or emotional vampire status you will understand why that happen to you.
But, you won't understand right way! You will understand!
Sometimes people cross our path to teach us something or because we become important to them at that moment of their lifes.
You need to relax when you are in a relationship and don't make that relationship the focus of your life and who you are.
People keep change their nature because relationships and then they become alone In THE RELATIONSHIP.
If your partner has a bad behavior or even an addiction will be fair that you make him or she aware about your feelings and how much that is hurting you. After that if he or she keep acting out on that behavior that tells you that its time to go.
For years that I hear people saying " he may change" , I won't leave because my children " he/ she may work out through therapy.
Ego and fear...
Let it go
Move on
Set yourself free
You are living in you own prison of your ego.
More you live through ego, more pain you will have.
Talking about myself I have my moments too.
My ego its alive, I wish it wasn't.
I have those times of crazy in love. Those that I hear my brain " the love of my life" lol
Those are just moments. Quick I get in touch with reality. Lol
When you want to change someone ask yourself fisrt:
- did I changed?
- if yes, how many years that I took to change it?
- was that simple as I am telling you?
Ask those questions to yourself
Done :)

mistakes between addicts in a relationship

Mistakes between adicts in a relationship

I believe all of us already went through this and did those mistakes. My experience as an addict through the years taugh a lesson that I would like ti share with u guys.
Meetings together ... If u have a mature relationship so I will tell u why not. But if your relationship is new u may don't want to take your boyfriend to a meeting with u. Is private! Its time that you have for yourslef. Its your time, not us time!
Why is so missunderstandings when this happen?
Well, egomaniac stuff gets into between!
One of them wants to show the other how many friends she or he has, how popular she or he is, how good they share, bla, bla,bla, etc
BS ... A bunch!
Then other mistake and here is the ego again is when they insist to show each other how to live the program. So isntead of they have their girlfriend or boyfriend they get sponsors. And here they are wasting their time teach the program to each other.
This is just a replic of what their parents did to them " u have too" u must too", "you should"
They keep that cycle without knowlegde that they are drawing their relationship in " U HAVE TOO"
Control will demage a relationship very fast. You start to feel tired and sad.
Of course we may want to know that is a big chance that addicts are the perfect emotional. Vampires.
Why emotional vampires? Simple, because ego is always there. The things need to run like they want and they rule and run.
Ego is equal to being insecure.
So if you are an addic and you are in a relationship with one, give him or she a break and let the things flow.
Your time isn't their time.
You are one and not the same!
Keep it cool!

The concept of forgiveness

We often hear people telling people " you must forgive"
I always agreed with it, since was the only thing I knew until now.
But now let me asking something, or just allow me to take you deep on this and give you another vison. What happen to the ones who got really hurt by someone?
What happen to them when someone tells them to forgive people that really hurted them?
And if they are uncapable to forgive?
What do you think they will feel?
Let me tell you ... Guilty and shame!
So here is the contradiction. You are telling a client " isn't your fault! You need to forgive in order to move on"
If you said "isn't your fault " that means that in front of you is someone feeling guilty and shame. When that person for some reason doesn't forgive that means she or he end up feeling more guilty and shame!
They will end up feeling more bad about themselves and more inadequate.
I am not telling that revenge is OK because revenge is a negative motivation.
I am just telling that sometimes forgiveness/ absolution its just another form of denial.
Its people pretending that pain didn't happen!
How come them acknowledge their anger if they already forgiven?
Sometimes "be ready to forgive" its just a way to avoid pain or painful therapy. Is like a shortcut to feel better for some days or even some months.
The problem is that its just "some" and then they may end up turn that anger against themselves.
Sometimes people need to earn the forgiveness.
So remember " forgive and forget" can be a major trap for your emotions.
Done :)

Major changes in my life

Major change in my life

So here I am going through change again. I am doing 2 new things at same time. Well, not new, because I already have done this before, but even like that is change and I still don’t react well to change.
I left the counseling field for a while. doesn’t work very well counseling in PT, or I just had a bad experience.
I went through a major grieve about counseling. See, I had this dream to become a counselor, and I did it.
I had become a counselor at Cornell and that experience made me rich as wisdom.
I didn’t like everything there, of course, but I had bases, discipline, and guidance.
every time I walked that door I knew it what to do and what had to be done. So that gave me balance as professional in this field. Deep inside of me I still regret that I left, and I keep looking for the reason why I am in Portugal.
When I saw that counseling here doesn’t work well, I went down, and I was very disappointed.
I looked for another job, but the major answer was “ sorry, you are going to disrupted the clinician staff, because you are too qualified”
Amazing huh…. All the training I had in Texas gave me more wisdom, and also didn’t give me a job in Portugal.
I hated where I worked as a counselor, so I had to make a hard decision; or I would keep going on that crap, and keep going against everything I learned or I would leave my dream, and say good bye for a while.
So I did it! I left this field, and I went back to my old job, old boss, and old colleagues.
I had become a sells person, something that I wasn’t doing for 5 years.
Its been complicate, I don’t sell like before.
My boss and my colleagues keep looking at me waiting for the big show…waiting for the old me to come back like I was before.
I have been there for less than 1 month, and didn’t happen yet. Its been hard to manipulate…I guess I had lost some of that manipulation.
I had to adapt again to train, and subway and the fast Lisbon. So many people!!! The first time I travel though train and subway, I got lost! Amazing…I didn’t remind how where to go, where was the places in Lisbon .
I felt like going crazy!
Then the other major thing is I fell in love, finally, I fell in love!
I am about to live with him, and I have doubts!
He has 43 years old, but he thinks that he has 20 years old.
I keep wondering how ready I am for that. I keep wondering what I am doing, and why and for what.
The things worked well until the day he lie to me. And u guys know, that you don’t want lie to me!!!!
I m scared that I may go live with an emotional vampire.
I am giving him the benefit of the doubt.
My sponsor is been talking to me, and she cares about me.
Even like that I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt.
So for now its just that.
I didn’t come to this blog for a while. This blog had a purpose and that is gone…..
I may find that purpose again