The taker

The taker

Yesterday I was talking with my mentor about one of my clients. I asked him if I could forbid her to receive property, as cigagarrtes, etc.
He told no that is a right they have. And it's true, is the client law,and rights.
Why I wanted to take her privilege to receive property? Am I a mean person? NO!
I believe that will save her life. Let me explain; she is a taker and she uses the system. She is a 44 years old client who keeps coming back to jail, and treatment.
Using the system is easy because they have bed, food, and the only thing they have to do is to sit in groups all day long. So becomes comfortable. Then they have their family who send them cigartes, a and what they need. I will go in other way, and see if I can make her face her reality.
So today I had an individual session with her. I was would be a normal one on one. Wasn’t!!!
The first thing she told me was: “I am hearing voices”
Well in this kind of population, hearing voices means they want to be on medication. Once they get medication they will be sleeping all day long, and avoiding treatment. Is what they do to avoid treatment. I hear her with very calm. Of course my desire was to tell her” so you want to get high to avoid treatment”. I didn’t say it. I think I also getting better on that don’t tell what I think, and hold it.
Then she asked me she wanted to write her brother who is in jail. I said no. she complain by saying wants fair. Then she told me she wanted to check her hepatitis c, and see what is wrong with her liver.
Oh my, oh my… see, the takers, when they was using drugs they didn’t care about any of this, but now they will try everything to not be focus on their inside. It’s easy to be focus on outside issues.
She kept crying, and I realized that she is facing her reality. She is trying to run form it, but I wont let her.
I told her that I want to take her to the point that she will face what she lost because of drugs. Once she faces it she will be angry at drugs, and will not want to come back. I told her: ‘here is the thing, I am going to make sure this is the last time you come back to treatment. For me you are not just on e more case. For me you are someone that I want to see successes. I told her that she needs to change the way she thinks. She believes that the world owns her, and then she doesn’t stop to ask for this and that, and more that. I also told her that is having a coin flip side, because the true is when she thinks that the world owns her she will keep coming back until she dies.
I told her that she needs to surrender, and feel what she needs to feel in order to grow as a human being.
I let to do a phone call to her family. Guess what she did?
She started to cry on the phone asking for forgiveness.
Taker syndrome.
So, the family is getting ready to spend a lovely thanks giving, and then the addict calls to get rid of the guilty that is feeling.
Guilty transference!
So now we have a family in pain, talking about the addict, because the addict decided to avoid feelings and transfer it to her family.
I wrote about the 2 kinds of victims on this blog a long time ago http://ivonejft.blogspot.com/2008/06/two-kinds-of-victim.html
I told her that she will have this as her treatment work to do.
I don’t work much with books, hand out books. I work more with my head. See I believe we learn a lot when we questioning ourselves

Client is to write " what I don't have and I would like to have"
Client is to write " what I lost with my use"
Client is to write “This is my reality…" write a list
Client is read the book “emotional vampires"
Client is to write " I am ready to give up of… " write a list

So lets see what is going to happen.
My next individual will be… guess with who??? The angry client, lol. I believe I will be here writing again soon. Lol
Rock n’ rol

The scared client

The scared client
I already wrote about this client, this week.
Yesterday I looked at her she was with her face down.
Then I had all this going on with one of my clients who tried to kill another client, so at the middle of the morning I was already tired. At afternoon, one of my clients came to me to tell me that the scared client wanted to talk with he probation officer and leave treatment, and go back to jail.
I just thought: “oh God, here we come again, I don’t have patience for this anymore”
I called and she comes, and before I spoke she said: I want to see my probation officer, because I want to leave and g back to jail.
That really irritated me, and I didn’t react well. I said:
“-No. you are not going to see your probation officer because you need to follow the protocol. First you need to see the supervisor.”
She said “he told I could leave if I want to, and I can choose to go to another treatment. I don’t like this one because is too many people.”
My answer to her was: so today you are going to another treatment, then you are not going to like and you go to other. Stop feeling sorry about yourself, and face yourself. I know what you want. You want to go back and use drugs.”
She said: no. I just don’t want to be here, I want to go back to jail. They want me to do my testimony in front of this entire people, and I am not going to do.”
The testimony she is talking about is MRT (Moral Recognition Therapy), and they have to stand up and do their testimony in front of everyone.
I told her to go sit in group, and I would tell the supervisor that she wants to go back to jail.
She left, and I continue working.
I kept looking at her, and she kept crying, hiding her face.
I thought for a minute, and my heart spoke more high. I know what I needed to do, so I just needed to follow my heart.
I walk into the group, and she didn’t see me coming. I asked the person who was sit by her side to stand up, and give me her chair.
I sat over her, and I asked her: “so what you need to read?”
She looked at me, and she said: “this!
I told her: ok so let’s do it together. We are going to stand up together, and read it together.
She was admired, and then she told me: why are you doing this??? I already made up my mind! I am going back to jail!
My answer was: “yeah, it’s ok. If you want to go back you go back, but for now we are going to do this together.
She stood up with me, and she started to read and cry. At the end of her testimony she read “… and I compromise to do this treatment, until the end…”
I look at her and I said” what did you say? Say it again ;)
She smiled, because she found out that she wrote she wanted to stay.
Everyone clap at her, and then I left the group, and I blink my eye to her.
After 20 minutes, the supervisor came, and I told him that client wanted to talk with him because she wanted to go back to jail.
She started to run to the office saying: “no, no. I don’t want to go anymore!
I told her: oh. Ok. So wee need a schedule. Next time you want to leave needs to be between Wednesday, and Saturday while I am here 
She laughs
My first attitude wasn’t ok. But I changed, and I went to help.
I get out of my comfort chair and my bad attitude to go help her and make a difference.
Today I will sleep better at night

My new client vs. the Spanish client vs. girl dream interpretation

So I have this new client, that to be honest I am avoiding just for this week, lol, just giving her a hard time.
She is coming from NA and she believes that she knows everything, and has everything together.
Very, very angry client! I realized that she was the kind of client that will challenge me until the end.
She keeps looking at me trying to analyzing me. Trying to control me. Like any other client she has a very low self esteem. She tries to be funny, and she isn’t. I have this desire to tell her she isn’t funny, she shouldn’t even try to be.
Last Saturday I was explaining NA step 4, and of course she started to challenge me. she said:
I had a spiritual awakness!
I asked her: define spirituality.
She couldn’t!
I explained to her that spirituality comes from “what becomes more important in her life”
If she makes her car her spirituality focus (more important) then she will get disappointed, because one of this days the car will broke.
If she turns a woman (she is lesbian) she will be disappointed because the other person is a human being, and fails. But if she turns her recovery on her spirituality focus then she will be ok, and in peace.
Anyway she started to get all upset and cry, and I just let go with her little fit.
Now the Mexican client. Like my mentor said: she is a treatment smarter, and very dishonest.
I single her out, on that Saturday just to see her reaction. I said:
So, let’s start this group, and you can be the first one.
She looked at me trying to figure out if I was talking to her. She said: Me?
I said: yes, you.
I don’t want to talk! I don’t have anything to talk about.
I let it go. I just wanted her to know that she got my attention, and that means she will be watch.
So yesterday I came to work, and once I walk at the door I saw her with one of my new clients. I had this bad feeling, like a punch on my head.
After 1 hour I told to that my client that she was going to have an individual session with me.
The first question that I asked her was: are you a leader or a follower?
She said: I am a follower.
I knew it!
I had that feeling when I walked into the door.
At the end I told her that she was forbidden to be with the new clients like her. She was just allowed to be with the helders.
At that time I was following my heart, my feeling. I didn’t know that I was completed right.
So, afternoon came, and here it comes… I was right!
One of the helders came to see staff to report that the Mexican client was asking my client to run with her – to abscond.
We called them to the office, and I asked to the Mexican lady:
So, you are trying to run with my client….
No no Miss, I promise.
If you want to run you can go, because I am not going after you.
Then other staff spoke with them.
I looked at her, and I could see a very dishonest, rebel person.
Personal, I stay away from these clients, but as a counselor I decided to give her a shot.
So today she kept looking at me, and I asked if she was Ok. She stood up, with a big smile in her face, and come right way in my direction just to say she was ok, and she would like to speak with me, and she didn’t know why she didn’t spoke before.
I told her that was because her culture. She doesn’t trust but when she does, she really does.
I saw that was manipulation, all that smiles. She is just afraid that I will figure her out, and figures out what she doesn’t want me to know.
So I decided to play a game with her. I decided to ask her for help!!!!!
I told her: hey do me a favor. Make sure that all the clients are doing what they suppose to do.
I fed her ego, and her need of acceptance.
So let’s see if I take her where I want too, witch is to tell me everything about her.
Now the dream interpretation client.
She was suppose to go on ID run, (the clients go outside to get a new ID).
I notice that she wasn’t in group this morning, but I didn’t look for her. I let her buried herself. She is about to leave, so she needs to make her won good decisions.
10am, they called for the clients who go on ID run.
She wasn’t in group since 6.30am. then here she comes all make up ( make up is against the rules and regulations)
I asked he where she was all morning, and she said she was in her room cleaning.
Lie!
I asked her if she forgot was against the rules make up.
She said she dint forget, she wanted to be pretty for her picture.
The supervivor,a nd me just told her: you are not going anywhere. You are not ready!
She started to dialogue, argument, and challenging me.
Yes mam I will do whatever you want me to do. Yes mam I will take off the make up like you want me to do.
Then at the group she starts: well, I put make up on, and I was wrong, whatever…
They didn’t let me go, whatever…
She kept using “ whatever”
THEN, she says: I think this was a signal for God, exactly like says in the bible, I had to get this signal to be humble.
I just said: stop, stop. You are been dishonest. So first you say whatever, whatever, and then was a signal from God. I don’t buy it, they can, but I don’t. you do not manipulate me.
She got angry, screaming. Came to talk with me.
I am mad. Explain me what I did.
My answer was: you are not ready to talk with me. come to talk with me when you decided to be honest. Until then this conversation is over.
Now leave.
She went outside and screamed.
When she came back she made a mistake.
She asked something that would allow me to see if she is going to successed or not.
She asked:
That means I am going to get an extension?
I look at her and I thought “ here is the answer, you are going to go back and use”
I just answer: NO. you are not going to get an extension, because isn’t not that who is going to decide if you are going to go back and use or not.
That’s all for today

The homeless client

We have this very old lady who was a homeless before. She really was the kind who lives in the streets.
Her story is the same of others story. She grew up in the middle of screams, physical fights. She was molested, and physical bit when she was a child by her family.
She had chosen to be a homeless because she felt free. So that tells us she didn’t want to have any contact with the society.
You must think this is weird because if they don’t want to have any contact with the society, why they live in the streets????? Doesn’t make sense!!!
YES IT MAKES!
What do you do when you pass by a homeless person?
You avoid looking at her/he. You denied their existence because you don’t want to feel. You know once you allow yourself to feel, your heart is going to ask you to help them.
Is exactly the same when you see a child who isn’t normal. You try to not look. You saw, but you look to the other side. This is called denial, by the way.
Anyway, this is the case of some homeless people. They know THAT YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TALK WITH THEM! They are safe.
More dirty they are, more crazy they are, more avoid they will be. You run from them.
Being a homeless sometimes is a defense of mechanism, and an invitation to rejection.
They are just hurt people.
So today we had a group, and the group got out of control.The reason went out of control was because I confronted a client who is doing prostitution by mail. She writes sexual letters and then they send her money. She told me that she was a sex addict, like saying she was a secretary in a company. She said that normally, and I didn’t see any emotion. She also said that she likes to please men. I asked: tell me what you need to do. Tell me what price you have to pay for that. She pretended that she didn’t understand, and I asked her again: “tell me everything they ask you to do”
She looks at me weird, and she started saying that she goes down on them, and stays there until they finish, she does pedicure if they have a foot fetishes, she does this, and that.
I told her: see, you are not free, and is nothing to please about, because the true is you will do anything they want you to. You are their slave! You lay down if they want to; you sit if they want you to. Is like we do with dogs.
Sex should be free. Sex and pleasure is when you do it because YOU WANT TO!
The true is you didn’t have the lovely parents to tell you how beautiful you are, and how worthy you are, so you go have sex with those guys just to hear what your parents didn’t tell you. But the only thing you hear from them is, do that, sit, stand up, you are a good f. at the end they leave and you are alone again like a lost child.
Prostitution is a way for you to be attaching to someone. You are proof yourself that you will be rejected, and abandoned every day. You go, you have sex, and at the end they pay you and they leave, so that you put you again feeling abandoned.
See, here is the thing; what you really want to hear is “I LOVE YOU”. But do you know what? I love you! And I am here trying to save your life. Not because of you, but because of me. I want to go home and sleep at night thinking that I tried to save your life, and I did the best I could for you.”
Then was when the group got out of control. She stood up, screaming and crying and pushing halls.
Everyone was scared with her screams. Even me, lol.
I went over her room, and I told her: come here beautiful girl. She hugged me very tight. I told her:
See baby girl, you just need love. I know exactly where you are coming from. I know your pain. You are beautiful, and you are a surviver. So the clients started to scream with each others. The homeless client had a panic attack!
She ran from the group, crying, and she just said, I got to go, I am afraid of this screams.
I let her go.
She had hidden in another client’s room.
I walked over there, and I told her:
Come on out
She said: NO! I am scared!
I told her: this reminds you your parents and brothers, right?
She said yes.
I told her: do you understand now why you had become a homeless, and why you liked? You need to come out, and face it. Is time to stop running and hiding.
She told me: I am trembling. Do you think I will be ok if I live the room?
I reply: yes you will. Like I said before its time to face the screams, and let the molested little girl who is inside of you to come out and scream with them.
At the end I told her: you are what I consider a miracle, with a beautiful story to tell one day. She came out, and she found out she survived.
That’s all folks!

Is there possible

Just a thought, just wondering
Can be possible that exist many types of relapse?
Can be possible that many relapse not because they have a disease but because they found a way to get what in conscience they want?
How the brain really works?
Why is so hard to recovery?
The client I like to work most is the ones they already relapsed more than 2 times. Since I am been working with a few a keep wondering, why they keep coming back. Then I let them to make phones calls to their family, and what I see? What I listen?
I listen them saying: bring me, bring me, give me, and give me.
Can be possible that some of them go back and use as a parents revenge?
When they are on the phone they don’t show any compassion for their parents. They act as “you have to”
Is there possible that they have an addiction named “asking for attention in a wrong way”?
Is not the same that saying: “here! Now, take care of me! Can you see me now?!”
This thought came from watching children.
Children learn in a very young age how to get their parents attention.
Most of them they know if they cry strong enough they will get what they want.
If your children are in a public place and start to cry and scream, what are you going to feel first of all?
Are you going to feel sorry for the children? NO
Your primary feeling is SHAME. You are feeling shame because your child is screaming and everyone is looking at you.
What are the feelings that human being wants to get ride all the time?
SHAME and Guilty.
The society expects that you know how to control your children, and if they start scream people will give you a weird look.
So, you react to your shame, and you will give to your child what they want right way.
Isn’t an addict an immature person, in an adult body?
Yep, it is!
So, can be possible that they keep doing that while adults?
Yep. I think so.
Isn’t the same that most of them relapse in a relationship?
Yep it is!
Hundreds of them relapse in a relationship to get attention from their partners. Is the last ultimate.
They have tried everything to get their attention, and then at the end they will show their last card….relapse.
What a partner does when his/ her partner relapse? They start right way taking care of the relapse one.
See, doesn’t matter if the other one is an addict or not. What matters are just co dependent people date addicts. Doesn’t really matter if they are also addicts or not. They are for sure codependents!
Now let’s look to the family.
The reality shows us that once one child had become the addict the others brothers and sisters will be ignored, because the family will spend their time taking care and rescue the addict. All the rest of the brothers and sisters will be neglected in this process.
So how we explain that after that one of the neglects becomes also an addict?
Simple, they know that using drugs will make their family give the same attention that they saw the other sisters or brother having. They know is the only way to get attention!
Is like anger. Anger can be an addiction because anger people they know they will get attention through anger and intimidation. Works! Why they should stop? They won’t!
They found a way to blame people, places and things in order to not feel guilty.

Criminal personality 1

These men don’t concede the idea that a woman can have a man friend without having sex favors, or seduce include.
These men use women as an object to fill their narcissistic behavior.
As emotional vampires they are very romantic, and seductive in the beginning. They give huge speeches about good and evil, about good and bad. They use the mask of sanity. They will show competency and care.
Because they are incapable to feel intimacy, or have moments of touch they will just focus themselves in the object. They look for instant gratification. They live based on “I want, and I want it now”
They will try to treatment, or NA to manipulate judges, probation officers.
In their relationships they will manipulate a way to have contact with the boss of their spouses. If they are very criminal minded they will get to the point to find away to be at their spouses job. Because they are very manipulative and deceived due their low self esteem, and insecurity.
They will try to give gifts to your boss in order to control you. They are vampire! They will be everywhere, anywhere.

When hurt or betrayed they will focus in the object again, and not to understand the problem and get to the solution. They will look for revenge.
Normally they are very criminal minded. They are the ones that already were arrested more than once. Very institualized person.
Because their lack of emotion they go through the end. Before the end they started acting more criminal than ever. They are not aware that they will be back to jail soon. They are just very criminal, because they have chosen.
They have a distorted image of their self’s. They see their selves as a martyr, and a victim in their relationships.
They will tell you all the stories about their relationships, but they will not tell you the play the had role on that relationships.
They will tell you were their fault..
Because they are narcissistic they will leave to watch others mistakes, never their own mistakes. They can’t! Their ego is their vital force of survive.
They had grown watching their mothers having more than one man. They grew up watching their mothers fighting with those men.
They had lost the respect for a woman, and they see them as objects.
They will tell a newcomer to keep coming back, and to fight the disease, and after they will leave the meeting masked as vampires and go look for the disease, and then the message is other: here come with me, I will pay you for you to be more sick, and to keep being in the streets. Why? Because I want revenge, I am a martyr; I want to feed my ego, my narcissistic side. I really don’t care if this money will give you an Overdose. I just don’t have a soul, and I want to kill yours a little bit more. I am not comfortable with strong women, because they will a dangerous to my ego. I am comfortable with you weak women, because you are just weak as me. Because I am uncomfortable with intimacy, I easy get bored. Because I am bored I am come to look for you, because I know you will give me the same feelings as drugs gave to me once. I came from a meeting where I am known as an addict in recovery. Here I am known as an emotional antisocial vampire.”

These vampires normally start their recovery in an old age.
They lie and deceive for years and years, until they are very old.
Because they are so criminal minded is nothing that we can do at that age.
They are incapable to feed their spiritual side. No sponsor, no counselor will be able to change them anymore.
They are what I call “lost cases”
They will die alone, without knowing love, or kindness.
“The Mask of Sanity
The title refers to the normal "mask" that conceals the mental disorder of the psychopathic person in Cleckley's conceptualization.[2]
Cleckley describes the psychopathic person as outwardly a perfect mimic of a normally functioning person, able to mask or disguise the fundamental lack of internal personality structure, an internal chaos that results in repeatedly purposeful destructive behavior, often more self-destructive than destructive to others. Despite the seemingly sincere, intelligent, even charming, external presentation, internally the psychopathic person does not have the ability to experience genuine emotions. Cleckley questions whether this mask of sanity is voluntarily assumed to intentionally hide the lack of internal structure, or if the mask hides a serious, but yet unidentified, psychiatric defect.[
The psychopath very seldom takes much advantage of what he gains and almost never works consistently toward a goal in crime or anything else, seemingly lacking purpose.
Criminal ends, though condemned, can usually be understood by the average man. It is not hard to understand why a criminal steals money. However, the psychopath, if he steals or defrauds, appears to do so for an obscure purpose, sometime incomprehensibly throwing away so much of value for short-term gains.
The criminal usually spares harm to himself as much as he can and harms others. The psychopath, although he causes sorrow and trouble for others, usually puts himself in a shameful position. His most serious damage to others is often through their concern for him and their futile efforts to help him.
The typical psychopath, from Cleckley's observations, usually avoids murder or other offenses that lead to lengthy prison sentences. The larger part of the psychopath's antisocial behavior can be interpreted as purposely designed to harm himself. Cleckley adds that most of the people who commit violent and serious crimes fail to show the chief characteristics of a psychopath.
Narcissism, relationships and self-worth
According to Freud, to care for someone is to convert ego-libido into object-libido by giving some self-love to another person, which leaves less ego-libido available for primary narcissism, and protecting and nurturing the self. When that affection is returned so is the libido, thus restoring primary narcissism and self worth. Any failure to achieve, or disruption of, this balance causes psychological disturbances. In such a case primary narcissism can only be restored by withdrawing object-libido (also called, object-love), to replenish ego-libido.
According to Freud, as a child grows, and his ego develops, he is constantly giving of his self-love to people and objects, the first of which is usually his mother. This diminished self-love should be replenished by the affection and caring returned to him.
The psychopath is defined by a psychological gratification in criminal, sexual, or aggressive impulses and the inability to learn from past mistakes. Using Freudian terminology, the psychopathic personality occurs when the ego can't mediate between the id and the super-ego, thus allowing the id to run off the pleasure principle, and the super-ego has no control over the actions of the ego. In other words, individuals with this disorder gain satisfaction through their antisocial behavior as well as lacking a conscience.
Psychopathy is frequently co-morbid with other psychological disorders (particularly narcissistic personality disorder). The psychopath differs slightly from the sociopath, and may differ even more so from an individual with an antisocial personality disorder diagnosis. Nevertheless, the three terms are frequently used interchangeably. While nearly all psychopaths have antisocial personality disorder, only some individuals with antisocial personality disorder are psychopaths. Many psychologists believe that psychopathy falls on a spectrum of pathological narcissism, ranging from narcissistic personality disorder on the low end, malignant narcissism in the middle, and psychopathy on the high end.
An almost all-pervasive misconception is that psychopaths are doomed to a life of violence and crime; however, it is possible for psychopaths to become successful in many lines of work. Psychopathy is frequently mistaken with other similar personality disorders, such as dissocial personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and schizoid personality disorder (as well as others).
Symptoms
Common characteristics of those with psychopathy are:
Grandiose sense of self-worth
Superficial charm
Criminal versatility
Reckless disregard for the safety of self or others
Impulse control problems
Irresponsibility
Inability to tolerate boredom
Pathological narcissism
Pathological lying
Shallow affect
Deceitfulness/manipulativeness
Aggressive or violent tendencies, repeated physical fights or assaults on others
Lack of empathy
Lack of remorse, indifferent to or rationalizes having hurt or mistreated others
A sense of extreme entitlement
Lack of or diminished levels of anxiety/nervousness and other emotions
Promiscuous sexual behavior, sexually deviant lifestyle
Poor judgment, failure to learn from experience
Lack of personal insight
Failure to follow any life plan
Abuse of drugs including alcohol “

Martyrs often seek sympathy for their plight. They seek support, advice, and help from others. Yet they seem stuck in their current course of action and seem to be unable to resolve it. Victims frequently never seek help. They are often frustrated and lost as to what needs to be done to get them out of their current situation. Once victims have been offered help and make a conscious choice to remain stuck in their situation, they become martyrs.
Martyrs have a story line which is stereotypic and habitual. They rarely change their tales of woe. One can meet them several years later and find them still suffering from the fate they were experiencing when you last talked to them.
Martyrs often mask their behavior with an aura of willingness and desire for behavioral change in their lives. Usually they are only fooling themselves, since the others in their lives can see by their behavior and attitude that there is no possibility of change.
Relishes the attention received in talking about the problem
Creates crises out of everything but blocks all solutions
Holds a ``yes- but'' attitude to all new ideas
Lack healthy self-esteem or self-concepts.
Have little belief in themselves.
Come from high-stress families where their rights were never respected; therefore, they lack the competencies, skills, and abilities to stand up for their rights.
Lack information about assertive behavior and have no experience in using assertive behavior.
Lack of ``others'' in their lives who can point out alternative healthy solutions to their problems.
Are timid, scared, and suspicious of help being offered to them.
Are skeptical about someone really wanting to help them.
Victims often hold to some of the following irrational beliefs in their lives:
Victims often do not stand up for their rights because they suffer from the irrational fear of:
disapproval
rejection
conflict
taking a risk
the unknown
change
confrontation
being overwhelmed emotionally and physically
loss of self-respect
making a mistake.
Lack knowledge of assertiveness and may be either extremely passive or overly aggressive with their antagonists.
Manipulate their helpers. At first they are cooperative, open, verbal, and apparently honest in their assessment of their problems. However, once an objective helper begins to point out the martyr's contribution to the problem, they feign newer, bigger, and more complex problems to keep the helper's focus off of them.
Everyone needs me and they would be lost without me.
I must find a way to pay back those who hurt me.
I never get angry; I just get revenge.
My behavior is healthy, OK, but misunderstood by others.
The louder I complain, the greater the chances of being heard. “

End.

The interpretation dream girl

The interpretation dream girl

Like I posted before I gave her the assignment to do, and she cried her eyes out, didn’t want to do it.
When I arrived last Wednesday she came to me and told she finished it.
I was surprise because she was ok with that.
So, I read it and here what happen:
All the work was about illusion. See when your unconscious tells to your conscience to defend it self of a huge pain about to come. The unconscious is aware that you are going to have a terrible pain.
She turns her work into illusion, and there was just words like:
“They asked me to married them”
They asked me to stop work”
“They asked me to cook”
“They asked to have their children”
“They asked me to travel with them”
I didn’t see what they really asked her, and what price she had to pay.
In other day I heard her saying that she likes to read, and then she fantasies that she is in that book. That showed me I was right.
One of my last posts I am describing a client who lost her son. I am describing the pain she went through his dead.
I told this client that she is avoiding to go through the same pain. She knows if she writes about her mother, a and about these men that the illusion is over, and that means lost and grieve. She knows once she faces the true that will mean loosing her mother like if she was dead.
Here is the thing, I am not an anti parents, I just know that are millions of people suffering because traumatic childhood experiences. Are millions of people walking like ghosts without having a clue why they suffer, why they married and remarried so many times, why they are sex addicts, why their relationships don’t work.
Here the thing, are other million who are at this moment in dead row, because they committed horrible crimes due their lack of emotion.
Did they born like that? I don’t think so. Something happen. Something very traumatic that unconscious they had become with lack of emotion.
Until we don’t stop to give a look of what happen , nothing will going to change, and we will keep killing people that don’t have a clue about their lack of emotion.
As members of society we need to do some evolution.
This client reminds me a movie that I saw a long time ago: “the monster” with Charlize Theron. Is a story of Aileen Wuornos who is a drifter prostitute who kills many of her "johns." Nearing suicidal despair, Aileen wanders into a bar, where she meets fellow misfit Selby and falls in love. To keep their relationship alive, she continues hooking, only to fuel an increasingly escalating deadly rage that leads into a lurid string of killings and the media's designation of her as the 1st female serial killer.
Why this woman had become a serial killer?
I explain, because until that day she had pretended that she had a lack of emotion. Her brain was exercised to not feel, not care. Her brain was exercised to bend over and pretend that she was in another place. We become what we believe we are!
Finally she got what she is been exercising; lack of emotion.
The lack of emotion becomes rage.
This client of mine walks through the unit very calm. She doesn’t get angry. She is starting to show me rage. I can see in her eyes how much she hates me at this time.
I am the one who is trying to take away the only thing she has - fantasy.
I am the one who is making conscientious.
She told me: so you want me to write a porn story.
I said: no, I just want you to see the price that you had to pay, and the price that you are paying because you don’t want to face what happen to you.
When I read her work was there that her mother asked her to have sex with her brother, and do certain things to him. She wrote that her mother would sit in the couch and watch with a weird face. She wrote that she agreed to her mother to do that because she wanted to protect her brother.
She didn’t write anything else about. She didn’t write witch things her mother asked to do to her brother. I also suspect that her mother was teaching her how to have sex through her little brother. Like a teacher giving a class to a student.
See normal children have fantasies, such be the batman, Cinderella, Spiderman, etc. then they grow up normally and they have other goals, such become independent, buy a house, have a family, have a car. The molested children they don’t live that phase. They keep growing up pretending there are Cinderella, and one of these days a charming Principe will rescue them. They keep fantasies that they are the batman and they become the rescuers of unhealthy people, and they will be miserable all their life.
They will grow up with disappointment as their shadow.
This client is still the Cinderella, and each client had become the charming Principe. She believes that one of them will rescue her in a white horse, and she is not capable to see the price that she is paying for that.
She keeps lay down in the abuser bed, and believing their good people because she lives in fantasy.
What do you think is going to happen once she finds out they are not Principe’s, and she is not a Cinderella? She will feel exactly the same that the other client is feeling because her son dead.
This client will have to buried the Cinderella.

Here more understand of this work:

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is a comprehensive, active-directive, philosophically and empirically based psychotherapy which focuses on resolving emotional and behavioral problems and disturbances and enabling people to lead happier and more fulfilling lives.
rational emotive therapy
a form of therapy in which a patient is asked to reject irrational attitudes and assumptions in order to deal effectively with stressful situations.

One of the lost children who was killed because no one stop to ask her why she was a prostitute : Aileen Wuornos

Here some videos about her

Relapse prevention emergency / Intervention

I will explain about this relapse prevention that happen Saturday, but before of that follow my thinking.
I had this client, who had become my client in her last month.
This client came from other unit, and in the middle of the process she had 3 counselors.
Client likes to avoid feelings, and avoid change, so when they change counselor becomes easier to avoid feelings and change. Not by porosity, but because they have to go through the process of trust again, so is like a restart for them.
Let me explain, when the client meets the counselor the client is suspicious, and disconnected with that counselor, so the client will tell a little, will open up a little, or in wont. With the time client start to trust counselor, and start to open more, and allow that counselor to work on them. When they change counselors they go back to the beginning. The client stops to move on, and goes back. Because they are suspicious by nature they will spend their time analyzing and comparing the difference between the old counselor and the new counselor, in the order to decide if they will allow the new counselor to be their counselor. Of course they are not telling them “I don’t want you”, they will just refuse to follow directives, and they will be on their own.
I don’t want to seam arrogant of, or stupid, or even make myself better than others, please don’t get me wrong, I am just trying to explain what I learn recently.
I changed unit so I had to leave my clients. I started see them in scrubs a lot, and I started wondering why they were so many times in scrubs.
My mentor taught me to think outside of the box. He told me when a unit isn’t going good is because the counselors are not doing what they suppose need to be doing.
I still remember a thought I had while I was in cantine: well, well, you have been doing whatever you want and now you keep being in scrubs. You know with me you wouldn’t have time to be in scrubs because I would figure out your plan before you put it on action” so that means that Some of them even refuse to go back, and they decided to not trust the new counselor.

So are there these 5 clients who refused. One of them asked to the supervisor to have me as a counselor. Other one had 21 help notes, and she is about to have her first adm. hearing. The other one is on her way. The other one who already left said “no mam, I am going to do like my other counselor told me to do”
When she came to say goodbye to me she said: she never knew what to do with me”
The last one I hear her saying to her peers in haunted house: she doesn’t have an individual session with me because she told I was healthy”
I look at her and I thought: you are not healthy!!! You are a Pathological Liar

This one had become in trouble Saturday for bowering and leading, and lies.
Her process have been being in other bed with one of her sisters. She sells cigarettes, and all king of stuff, and she already had an adm. Hearing.
Now ,
Did I have this problem with her clients, when they became my clients?
Yes, I had!
They would come to indv. Session very suspicious and they wouldn’t tell me shit. Others would come very happy, saying that they felt fortunate because people say that I am one of the best counselors there. So what I did to the ones who were suspicious, and went back on her recovery? I didn’t give up! I knew it I couldn’t work directly with them, because they were close mind, so I start to work on others, and let them watch how others would react to my understand of them.
This was the key, since they were in the comparator state. THey start to see others changed because I said something to them, and they started to hear “you have a good counselor” that made them wanted me, and wanted what they saw in others to their selves. They came close to me. They started for showing me all the pictures of their family, and suddenly they were telling the history of their life’s looking for answers.
I have this two clients who said: I am just sorry you wants my counselor since the beginning because if you was I know I would find out more stuff in me to be aware and change.
Now let’s go back to that client that I mention in the beginning.
Client told me before 3 days of discharge from treatment that she was going back to her ex.
What????????
You are going to use!!!!!!!!!!
So here I was with day to work on her, because she will be discharge when I am off, so I just had 1 day / Saturday!
Should I let go? NO. What can I do???
I told the status team to leave me alone because I need to think, and I could be interrupted.
What can I do? What I can do to prevent a relapse?
I made group based on relapse prevention
The title was: why I sabotage? Why I go back and use? Why I never finish what I say I am going to? Why I ran on job search? Why I abscond?
Fear of successes??? Why????
I explain to the clients that once they finish something IS OVER! DONE! And that will make us feel LOST/ ABANDONMENT
They will go back to that primary feeling that they had with their parents.
50% were abandoned physically; the other 50% were abandonment emotionally.
They are not stupid, or morons, or ignorant. They just don’t want to feel the abandonment again. The only way to not feel abandonment again is to give up before they finish because that will allowed them to RESTART again. Over and over again. That’s one of the many reasons that they keep coming back.
How many clients already told you that they relapsed because they were bored????? A lot, right!
Once its finish, once it’s done, they feel abandonment, so they will don’t have that internal fight, and the conclusion is they will get bored!
So after the group, she opens a door to me. I sat her in the middle of the circle and I told her to tell her ex what she felt with him. I told her to start:
“You need to apologize to me for…”
Then one of her sisters sat in front of her and she pretended that she was her ex.
Was crazy!!!! For moments I thought: shit, maybe I shouldn’t be doing this, lol
They started to fight, and the client started to scream at her ( the one who pretending that was her ex), and cussing her out, standing up on her face, telling she would bit up her, leaving the group slamming doors, coming back to fight more. The one who was been her ex, I told her to tell her:
Go, go, go use, is what you do best. Go ran, keep ran like you always do.
The client looked at her and said: No fuker, I won’t go back and use!
She stand up and she went where was the mail to be send, and she trash a letter that she had to send him.
At the need she told: I was going to use, and you just saved my life! I don’t want to use anymore. I would call you if I have a desire to use.
She started to cry saying tank you tome, I wasn’t expecting and I felt my eyes with tears.
I was grateful because I was able to make the difference in her life for 5 minutes.

Now something for fun..guess this:

It is a story about a girl.





While at the funeral of her own mother, she met this guy whom she did not know.
She thought this guy was amazing, so much her dream guy she believed him to be, that she fell in love with him there and then...
A few days later the girl killed her own sister.

Question: What is her motive in killing her sister?