quick look to guilty

quick look to guilt

what is?
the dictionary says #guilt# means feelings responsible or remorseful for offenses.
If a person does not take responsibility for past wrongdoings, we could describe that person as antisocial. (Someone who never feels guilt may have an antisocial personality disorder)
IRRATIONAL GUILT
EXEMPLE:
.... IF I CHANGE MY BEHAIVOR THAT PERSON WILL LOVE ME MORE
.... IF I WAS THERE THAT LATS EVENT WOULDNT HAPPEN FOR SURE
.... IF I WILL LOVE HIM MORE MAYBE HE WIL CHANGE
..... I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE TO HELP HER

GUILT AND SHAME

We can tell the difference between feelings of guilt and shame by looking at the ways we think about ourselves and our behavior.
If we think that our behavior was wrong and we feel bad about it, we are experiencing guilt. But if we think that our behavior makes us worthless and unfit human beings, then we've crossed the line from guilt to shame.
Shame has deeper roots than guilt.
It often comes from growing up in a dysfunctional family, a family where we were shamed by adults or abused by them physically or sexually. Shame is chronic.
A person who is feeling guilt might say, " i' m sorry for the way I’ve acted"
A person who is feeling shame might say " I’m no good. How can you stand being around me?"
GUILT AND ADDICTION
Coming to grips with the hurt we have caused ourselves or other people by our behavior might prevent us from doing the same thing again. Guilt can help us become responsible. Being responsible is essential to staying in recovery from any addiction.
MAKING A CHANGE BY USING RATIONAL EMOTIVE BEHAVIOR THERAPY ( REBT)
How can u find out if u r feeling guilt or shame?
One way is to listen to your self talk, that is, the thoughts you have about what is going on around u. I f you are telling yourself that behavior is bad and you need to change it, you are feeling guilt.
If you are telling yourself that you are worthless because you have behaved badly, your feeling guilt and shame.
Once you realize what your self talk is , you can decide if it is harmful or helpful guilt.


I must
What we think can make us upset, and being upset affects how we act.
Irrational thoughts can make it happen!
Sometimes we cant change what happened.
First we recall the event or situation that we believe upset us.
Then we take a look at our thoughts and beliefs about this situation. Next, we identify we are experiencing because of these thoughts and beliefs.
Finally we try to dispute or challenge the thoughts that are making us upset.
Look for " should" and " must" in your self talk.
When we think we should do something, we will fell guilt if we don't do it. It better to use the words " I prefer" rather than " I should"
Another word to look for in examining self talk is the word " awful" If we tell ourselves it's "awful" that we did or didn't do something, we will feel guiltier than if we had used the word " unfortunate" or " disappointing."
Another irrational belief that produces guilt is this: I must be perfect, have a perfect recovery.... at all the times and it's awful if I make a mistake. Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. Mistakes are wonderful learning experiences.
GUILT AND ANXIETY
EVENT - I dint’s make more hours one my boss asked me
THOUGHT AND BELIEFS - for sure Monday he is going to fire me, and after I cannot pay my rent and I’ll loose everything
FEELINGS - anxiety, guilt , shame , fear
DISPUTE AND CHALLENGE IRRATIONAL BELIEFS I really couldn't in that day, isn't because of that I am a bad employer. I also I have my compromises outside of my job.
I am doing a great job and isn’t because of that the world will fall down
SETTING A GOAL AND A PLAN OF ACTION
Once we realize we have a habit of making ourselves anxious and guilty, we can set a goal to reduce these negative feelings.
To practice identify your feelings everyday Keep a feelings journal and make entries daily
Not all depression is caused by guilt . Depression can be a reaction to loss or change. This is called " reactive depression"
Depression is sometimes biological, that is , it happens because of our biological and chemical makeup.
Depression can also be character related and involves our belief system.
Finally, these three kinds of depression can overlap, that is, one's depression might have elements of all three.
You acne change the need to be perfect, well, normally that need comes from a low self-esteem or living under fear. Normally this happen with addicts when they still feel guilt about their past, or can happen when we feel we should share like the other addicts or know better about the program or even, know all words in NA literature.
This irrational beliefs can bring guilt follow by the relapsed!
( soon I will do another work about perfection, but now let's keep going with guilt:) )
GUILT AND ANGER
Learning to express anger assertively is essential in a relationships. Feeling anger is ok. It's a feeling as valid as happiness.
Anger alerts us to situations in witch our rights are being invaded and helps us know when to be assertive.
When we feel anger, there is no need for guilt. However, we may be getting unnecessarily angry of irrational beliefs.
WHO'S TO BLAME?
When we catch ourselves blaming another person for something, it helps to stop and examine our self talk. We may find that we are really feeling guilt, rational or irrational.
Blaming can be defense against looking at our own behavior.
SUMMARY
Feelings of guilt are helpful when they can stop us from repeating a harmful or addictive behavior. But feelings of guilt can be harmful when irrational beliefs cause the feelings. For example, we may believe that our HP won’t like us if we behave in a certain way, or that our parents and friends won’t like us if we don’t behave the way they want.
These irrational beliefs lead us to feel guilt unnecessarily. As adults we need to dispute or challenge theses beliefs.
One way to challenge our beliefs is to check our own reactions to other’s behavior: Do we cut off a friendship if our friend comes to a different conclusion than we do on a topic? Of course not.
Habits take time to form, and takes time and practice before we can be rid of them.
So practice hard. You all feel healthier, happier, and more free.
And once again the base of recovery is ACCEPTANCE.
IVONE V.