A bless day - client gratitute

I feel bless today!!!
Two days ago a client bipolar with sociopath personality decided to fuck up my car with a stone.
I got angry, but I kept the cool. Is always hard to work with dual diagnosis, and this is the second time I get sociopath personality clients.
I got down, and was overwhelmed with this situation, and made me wonder if wouldn’t be better to not be a counselor anymore.
However, I kept doing my job.
So today, I got a phone call from one of my clients. I already wrote about him here “ the depress client”
He is been at the hospital, very sick, and he almost dies.
Was the second time he called me form the hospital, but today was different!
He called and he said “ heyyy, I am so, but so glad to hear your voice”
The client told me on the phone that when he was facing dead that he realized I was the best thing that happened in his life after his daughter
He told me when he was on isolation due is condition and he got very depress, and scare, and he kept having a desire to have a cell phone to call me. He that was a moment that my face came to his mind and he saw me saying “ whoooooooooppppp” and he started to laugh.
“whooooopppp” is something that I learned in USA with black American population.
We use that expression after a joke. Is like saying “got it?” lol
Often I do that with my clients because I spent a lot of time playing and making jokes to make them laugh.
Is what I do as a counselor…..when is groups I take that very serious, and make it serious, but then I show the crazy and funny part in recovery in order for them to see that recovery isn’t just work, and responsibility. They also have to have fun in recovery.
Going back to my client, he also told me “ my mother told me to not go back to treatment. I looked to my mother and I said; I am going to come back because my counselor had changed my life, and I want to go back and stay with her. I will stay in treatment until she stays there.”
So, after a sociopath client screw my car, I get this other client that tells me that my job is important and I am changing lives!
Without he notice he gave me hope and courage to keep doing what I do better - changing lives, touching lives.
I was very glad to get this phone call.
Kept me focus!
I have other two clients that their hobby is to keep coming back to treatment.
They already did three treatments.
Today I kept looking at them and I told them:
“ ohhhh, I see, you guys are waiting for me to tell ya’ll how bad you are, and how sick you are, and burn out, but guess what???? I am not going to tell you guys that!!!!
You are looking to make me your mother, or society that always told you guys how bad you are, how sick you are. This is what I am going to do with you guys - from my mouth you are just going to hear how good you are. If you think that you are going to feed pain through me, you are wrong! In addition, to finish, just let me tell you guys that this is YOUR LAST TREATMENT! Game over; you are not going to come back to treatments. You are going to be in recovery!”
They stare at me and asked me “ how do you know that?”
My answer was simple “ wanna bet??? Lol”
So how can I be so arrogant, saying that, you ask?
Simple, like I told them “ don’t think that I am going to give you step 1, king baby, resentment, etc, I am not going to give you any books to work on like the other treatment centers gave to you. I am going to the point. I am going exactly where that pain is, and what is wrong. I don’t have time for the bullshit. If I can see, what is wrong and what is the issue, so why not start for there!!!???
Chronic relapse clients are looking for one thing, and are always the same thing, so let’s work on that, and set the client free for a new way of life!

Men Group

Well, today i decided to do a men group. I was doing the morning group, and i was looking to these guys and wondering how they handle with their paranoias and insecurity with women.
I am the only counselor here, working with 17 clients, and from the 17 just 1 is a woman and another is gay.
I decided to let the other 15 men have a men group where they could share with each other about their sexuality.
Sexuality in recovery is very important, because is a very hard area in recovery.
Most of them have a hard time to deal with women, like women have a very hard time to deal with men.
After of “ I am in love “ things get complicate, and isn't a awareness why. Relationships in recovery can be very harmful, if clients don't understand what they have to work before it.
I know that NA/AA tells “ do not have a relationship in your first year”, but is that really important???
is that what will make them have healthy relationships????
so, what they need to look for?
What really needs to be resolved in the beginning?
What they have to deal with before “ a relationship”
i believe in treatment is very important for them to have men groups about sexuality.
I believe they can came together very healthy.
They can share their feelings about women, paranoia, insecurity, fantasies, insanity, even find out sexual deviant behavior.
More they share more comfortable they will be with women around. More genuine they will become, more sensitive to their needs and other needs they will become.
Of course i wasn´t in that group. I let the group run their own group, and have the privacy.
As a counselor woman i have to have boundaries, and to day was the case.
Now you ask me: why the gay guy didn't go????
because he wont identify with them.
I have to respect his sexuality, and place him where he feels comfortable “ women group”
Also is a way to protect them of the racist comments that men may have against him.
Anyway, the second part that clients need to look for is have the courage to look to their childhood.
More you look to your childhood and understand what happened to you, more able you are going to find yourself in a healthy relationship.
You need to understand where you are coming from in order to able to move on.
Understand your childhood.... don't stay there..... and move on!
If you don't grief your childhood, you are not be capable to have a healthy relationship.
You will be always the child, and you will never become the man!
Is also very important for women to be able to express their sexuality, and feel confortable with it.
If deviant, even like that, is important for both feel confortabel with it.
Acceptance, and expressing, and comunication is the key!

Step 2 - Believe / Trust

We can base step 2 in a moral value. Is basic become aware of I – THE EGO
our favorite quote is “ i want, and i want now!”
when we want what we want NOW, we loose the opportunity to connect with people.
We become “ emotionally not available”
you cant find emotional connection.
You find body connection, language connection, but no emotional connection.
When your ego rules, you wont feel the pain of the other. You don't feel the pleasure, or even try to meet the other.
You are to self centered in your ego, and you become incapable to connect with another human being.
You are too afraid of that.
In other day i was doing a group and clients ask me “ so, how we fight with our ego? How can we get rid of it?”
my answer was “ damn......you have to work a lot in yourself!!!! and it may be the hardest thing you will do in life – work in your ego. Let me tell you why is hard.... our society is feed through ego.
Even the date Website is the proof of that!
Date Website is simple a way to “ NOT CONNECT” with people.
See, let me tell you what happen in those sites; you find yourself talking with 10 people at the time, so that becomes the best way to not connect, and run from your feelings. You even don't become vulnerable, because you are under stress answering to those people. You become rational, not emotional!
Then you go meet one of them today, and tomorrow you will meet another one, and next day another one, so you end up confuse, and again, not connecting.
You don't connect because you know, when you arrive home you will have 5 girls waiting for you in that Website.
So, you start a negotiation..... i liked that one, but.... the other one was.....but this one is more....
and then you lie, and deceive, and you end up years doing that.
Let me make this simple, you set up yourself to fail!
The trust is not going to be build, the hope isn't going to happen. Let me tell you what will happen then..... resentment, disappoint, and what is the name of this on a therapeutic talk???? ANGER!
That´s it.
How could society work on this area??? how could them be free??? how could them be spiritual????
easy, not let the ego interferer with that....through honesty!
But unfortunately we are living in a society that likes to make people hostage to feed their ego.
You are not sure if you want the person, you probably don't want anything, but, you don't let go the person.
You keep that person prisoner of your ego.
But then at night when you do a moral inventory on yourself , you think “ i am a good person”
are you? Huh? Keep coming back! LOL
this was just an example that i found to explain EGO.
So, step 2 is believing and trust that IF I DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING, if i stop being insane, maybe i can live in peace, and happier.
Everyone knows the mean of insanity = doing the same stuff over and over again, expecting different results!
Isn't going to happen friends!
Believe that is possible to live a better life
believe that is possible to be a better person
believe that person in front of you can be important for your life, AT THIS TIME, and that doesn't means she/he has to stay forever. Believe always that people walk in your lives to bring us something that we need at that moment, and then when they bring, its finish, and you need to let them go, in order for others come in and bring what you may have need in the future.
Trust that you can do all the above.
Pray for guidance, let something bigger that you walk you through your path.
Stop with games – create magic, not games.
Ego is just body pain.
Your pain shows up in a egocentric way, and you are not capable to understand that people around you, can be the ones nurturing your pain.
Believe that you may not need to control anything, the Universe will take care that for you.
That is the law of attraction...keep dreaming ....keep believing..... keep trust...... let go of your ego.
Ego just will make unhappy
love, love,love
passion, passion, passion
Do it!
And then......let go when is time to let go..... and go with a smile! Was worthy!
Done!
some pics of me acting wierdo! lol

Gangs in Portugal??????!!!!!!! OK, I am ready to work with them then!

So many times, while working as a counselor in Texas, I thought: “ why the hell, I am working here????? Why the hell, I am working with gangs??????
I was scared at the beginning, because I didn’t understand that culture, so I wanted just to deal with addiction!
I end up liking to know the gang culture, and to see beyond it.
I still remember that Unit where a gang took control of the unit.
They even would tell counselors to leave the group.
I remember to be called to do a lock search, and I found the weirdest and crazy weapons on the unit.
I remember the cops arresting them right in the front of me.
I remember how that got me curious.
At that time I told my ex. Director : “ let me go there and do a group!”
He allowed me, and I was so, but so scare!
I saw myself in the middle of gangs, trying to teach them, and make them aware the reason of their life style.
Was an amazing group, and you can read it on this blog at http://ivonejft.blogspot.com/2008/09/when-gang-men-starts-and-children-ends.html
After this event, I started to pay more attention to gang women (clients)
I started to make a lot of question.
I wanted to know, how that started, and what a gang initiation was.
I heard the most incredible stories about it! Jesus!
I had clients telling me “everything makes sence, that you guys say, but if I don’t go back to my gang, they will look for me, and they will kill me, and I don’t want to die!
What answer you will give to this client????!!!! Yep! I know!
I had clients mothers whom their gang children were killed rival gangs.
A gang initiation means doing what the gang leader asks.
Here some initiations: kill someone, be on the floor and be beat up for the entire group, having sex with the entire group,
Now let’s see how this is done:

"Beat in" or "jump in" - The inductee must prove him/her self by enduring a severe beating by a pre-determined number of members for a pre-determined number of minutes. During this act the members use fists, kicks and stomps, or even clubs to beat the new member. This is frequently called an "act of love." It is also, in many cases, an act of extreme violence. The new member at best may survive with broken ribs, cuts and contusions or maybe a broken jaw. However the beating can be so severe that the person could suffer permanent injury or even death.
"Sex in" - Female inductees are frequently "sexed in" by having intercourse with multiple members of the gang. This is sometimes used in lieu of being beaten in. It has been reported that females, on occasion, have been required to consent to sex with a person known to be HIV positive.
Other Forms of Initiation
Armed robbery - inductee(s) commit the crime of armed robbery and frequently shoot the victim(s) for no reason.
Drive-by shooting
Assault on an innocent victim
Rape an innocent victim
Blessed In - Occasionally, a prospective gang member will not have to endure any of the normal gang initiation rituals. He or she may be "blessed in." This may be the result of the prospects reputation as one who is worthy of gang membership or he may be a family member of a gang member who has vouched for his worthiness and loyalty.


One day I was at work and I got this email: "do not go to wal-mart tonight. gang initiation to shoot 3 women. not sure what wal-mart and confirmed on TV."
I freaked out! I was living near by Wal-mart!

Well, I guess I know now!
Almost everyday I see on news that we are starting to have gangs.
What was a destructive dream before, now is become real!
So, Portugal is starting to have gangs, and they are already fighting for a position.
Recently I started to study gang language. As you may not know, gang members speak by clothes and mimic - doing with their hands, and fingers.
I am learning a new language, a new way of speak, and is hard as hell!
But something tells me, that what I am been learning is going to be useful in a near future.
Here some gangs action


So, we counselors, we may want to get ready to work with this population

Sharing my Sunday night

Here I am at the club looking around, without know what I am really doing here. The music is laud, people are talking laud.
I am here by myself, quite like a mousse.
I came to sit outside. It’s a little cold, but is a beautiful night.
It’s calmer outside, and I can write better all my thoughts and feelings.
I fell alone in the crowd, don't know where I can go, or with I would like to be.
I looked at the end of the street, where my Ex French, boy friend lives, but I cannot see him.
Why I would want to see him?
Well, I think this is the worse part of a grieve, when I want to negotiate human beings.
I'm sad and alone, but I do not have the right to go use people just because I feel sad and alone.
I am writing as it comes to my mind, like the wind that is passing by my cold face.
Today I saw a baby dog very thin. I rush to the coffee to buy him some food. He ate he was hungry. My heart was so broken watching that small dog. I kept thinking a way to bring him home. I start to walk, and he walked with me. If he had made it to my home, I would let him stay. He didn't! He got entertainment with something, and I walk out leaving him.
I kept thinking about that dog.
I hope I see him tomorrow to feed him. I gave him the name "fallen angel"
Funny, was the only name that came to my mind. I don't think the dog would deserve that name. I would I have change it.
Fallen angels they are deceive. They walk by you smelling roses, showing you heaven. They use soft words and you fall asleep on those words. They have blue eyes, to show you the sun over the ocean.
Those eyes will embriagate you, and make you believe that you can walk over water that you don't drawn.
When the masks fall you can see those blues eyes turning to red, and you will fall like a star from the sky. The fall is quick and painful.
The ground is all you have.
The smell of roses turns into grass.
No one is there! Even if you look at the sky and call their name, you just see dark clouds.
The other side of the club is another club. The people there are getting drunk, and I see this blond girl who keeps screaming " alibaba"
She is upsetting me, with all that screaming.
I keep listening French, since are many French people here.
I think is beginning to rain...
I can feel it through my fingertips.
I look at the sky, and it falls on my face.
I think its time to go now.
If I could, I would be at one of our castles. I would like to spend the rest of this night at one Portuguese castle.
I've been thinking to rent a wedding dress and go take pics at a chapel near by.
I would lay down surrounded of candles looking at the roof where the saints are painted.
It’s kinda of erotic, all those saints half-naked.
Something is haunting. I feel like a worrier who is been haunti
ng by fallen angels.
Far way I can hear music. Seams like a band is out there. I'm going to dress, and I will go there now. Brb to tell how it was.
Funny, I wouldn't dare walking at night at Texas, but I love to do it in this small village.
The church bells are ringing, the donkey smell is in the hair, the couples walk holding hands. The old couples walk separate. She goes in front of him. The youngest play pool.
Here I am near of the stage.
Funny,lol the blond girl who was screaming at the club is the singer of the band... OK, now she has my sympathy lol.
Damn, the guys that are playing are so cute! Ok, let me get out of here before I get insane.
Let go find the dog. Where he can be? I guess he is gone!
This is so stupid, all the band were in that club, but like always I walk looking at the floor and not make eye contact with people. Well,hoW I would know they were a band. Let me go make eye contact with people, and let's see what happen.
Nothing happen, I go home now.
I am walking and see my reflection on the window stores. I am been loosing so much weigh, finally. My legs are again skinny, my big ass is gone, and now I am losing in my harms, and neck. Finally, I feel going back to European normal size.
Here some videos I took from the band, and some pics….. One of th epics is a little bar of beer in the middle of the street, lol
One of tghe videos is me this afternoon trying to walk through trees, and I couldn't