Transference

Today while I was signning the activity sheets I relaized that one client didnt gave on time her acitivity sheet. i pull her up for irresponsability, and gave her a help note. She went balistic on her sisters. i came out of the office and i told her to stop argue with otheres, and to accept responsability of her behaivor. she went balistic with me, and she decided to disrepesct me. i got mad in the beggining, but then the words of my mentor came to my mind " dont make it personal; is not about you, is about them." i circle her up, and let her saying what she need to say. she was in range!!! she was out of control, i could see if she could she would get phisical. because the way she was looking at me, i asked why she was looking at me like that, she reply saying that she was mad. was then i asked her: i want you to tell me who were the people you critizise, and judge you when you was a child. she broke down in tears. she couldnt stop crying, and she said that people was her parents, and that was hurting her so much. i told her if she doesnt expire to outside then she will inspire inside with drugs. if she doesnt cry that pain then will become range. she cried, and relieve some of that. she was not agnaist me i just remind her her parents, and that we call transference. i asked her to read something from one of my books, and she read: dear dad i'm going to say some things to you that i've never said before. first of all i want to tell you why i didnt spent much time with you. the reason is i didnt want to see you because i am afraid of you. ( this is what you did to me) when i was a very litle girl, i rememeber you become very cruel to me. you blamed me for eeverything that went wrong. you balmed me when my brother fell and hurt himself. you blamed me when my leg got broken. you told me jokes that were too dirty, talked about how sexy i looked in a sweater, and either treated me like a date or told me i looked like a whore. when a man tried to rape me you told that was my fault. when my husband beat me up , you told me was my fault. i really believed was my fault because you said so. you always told me how terribkle was my mother, and she never loved me. (how i felt about it at the time) i felt scared, humiliated, and confused. i wondered why you stopped loving me. i blamed myself for everything. i hated myself. i felt unlovable and disgusting. (how it affected my life) i was terrible demaged as a person. many men have been quite brutal to me, and i always thought it was my fault. when they beat me i would write them a letter of apology. i've had a deplorable lack of belief in myself, in my ability, and in my worthiness. (this is what i want from you) i want you to apologize for being such a cruel father. i want you to acknowledge that the harm you did to me caused me great hurt and pain. i want you stop the verbal attacks. good father dont blame,degrade, or insult their children. i am sorry you and me dint have the relationship we could have. i missed a lot by not being able to give my love to a father i so wanted to love. i will continue to send you cards, and help you because that makes me feel good. however, if i am going to see you, you're going to have to accept my ground rules. i dont know you very well, and i dont know your pains, or your fears. also, you might like to know that i am doing much better in life now. i dont let men beat me up anymore. we cant change the past, but we can begin again.