anxiety disorder

The only way to survive is allow yourself to feel that is ok to feel lost, and that is not going to kill you.
What is going to kill you soon or later is avoiding those feelings.
Recently I met a guy. Let me tell you about him. A few years ago he was a cop for 6 years, after that he gave up on his job and had become a paramedic.
As a paramedic he saw dead, he saw violent stuff, of course. Abandonment vs. lost
As a man he builds a relationship with a woman, and she left. She took all furniture, the child, and just left the dog. Abandonment vs. lost.
This was 4 years ago.
As a child his mother never gave me the attention he need to, so therefore he had grow up inadequate, without feel what is love and concern. Abandonment vs. lost.
His mother recently almost dies. So what happened????
His resentments had become guilty. How can I resent my mother????? How I dare???? I must be stupid!!!!!!! I am a bad person thinking those things when my mother almost dies. Abandonment vs. lost vs. guilty and shame
At the age of 15 years old his first love told him she was sleeping with other guys. Abandonment vs. lost vs. guilty and shame….thoughts: I must not be good enough for her = guilty; she slept with other guys = shame
As a teenager he tries drugs, and become rebellious. Like a normal teenager who doesn’t have the normal love, he had become rebellious in order to get some attention. He got! But the result failed. The only attention their parents gave to him was putting him in a mental health hospital = abandonment vs. lost = were other people taking care of them (doctors and nurses), were other people talking with him. Weren’t his parents like in deep of his heart is wanted to.
For 4 years he is been accumulating garbage in this house. He is bringing everything inside of his house.
I had the opportunity to go there and see with my own eyes. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got petrified, I couldn’t think, or react. I didn’t have a clue what I was seen, because even when I was use drugs, and I was living in dope houses, I never saw nothing like I saw yesterday.
One of the living room, the door doesn’t open because is full of boxes, furniture, and stuff. I really thought get out of there, and just run. Was very depressing, so sad, and so unreal.
I kept saying that he needs to get rid of that, and start working on that. I didn’t understand the reason why that happened.
For me was very easy to understand why he listens heavy metal, and the doors. I learned that 10 years ago that the music we listen change the way we feel, and often feeds anger.
Witch is case. He listens heavy metal, because he wants to feel angry. If he doesn’t feel anger he will calm down, witch would be healthy, but the problem is he doesn’t want to loose the anger, because he doesn’t know how to act without it. Once without anger his heart will be open again, but for him that means allow himself to get hurt again, to love, and to probably loose that ones. So the heavy metal is an act of refusing to feel peace, and love, avoiding to be hurt, and to loose = abandonment vs. lost. That fear of feel love, gives him extremely anxiety. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to, he is just scare to allow himself to feel love again.
The doors are to feed his self pity. You remember Jim Morrison don’t you? A man living in fantasy with no acceptance of the reality, and always blaming the world. If you remember is made an Indian his life reference, because once again he didn’t have the lovely parents that every child should have. If you also remember after few years he got what he kept looking for = BE DEAD / DIE. Unfourtnely for him was too late to be rescue. So that’s why he listens to that kind of the music. For some reason he wants to feed his self-pity, had become comfortable to him. Remember what I told you before, moving on to him is to scare now because he doesn’t know what can happen, and what life taught him was not be loved, and be abandoned, so is the only thing he knows. The future will give him anxiety disorder. The past will make him be in his comfortable zone: anger.
With anger is no space for love. The human heart doesn’t support both. In order for you to feel one you have to allow yourself to get rid of the other.
Today I understood the reason why he brings all the stuff home.. COMPENSATION IS WHAT IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!

How?
Simple

At this time all his past left a big hole inside of him. Every time he thought that job or that woman will fill that whole, he got abandonment and lost. Because he is codependent he went to look for his mother in other women. Women who wouldn’t be emotional available for him. Women who wouldn’t love him because they had a lot of issues, and therefore they would be busy on their issues, not his issues. He went to look for the job he would feed the lost abandonment, being a cop, and a paramedic. He would loose people, doesn’t really matter if he knew that people or not, what matters is he would watch them go, and he would be powerless, with no control over them.
Let’s now see the reason of the messy house.

The 3 reasons, the 3 big trues

So here comes the compensation.

1- ABANDONEMENT

Once he is bringing and keeps garbage in this house he is trying to fill the hole inside of him. Remember garbage doesn’t move until you move it. So that means garbage doesn’t run away, or walk out of the door. Garbage stays! Doesn’t go anywhere, so garbage will never abandon him.


2 - LOST

Never get rid of that stuff is away to not feel the lost of letting go.
I remember that one of the things he doesn’t like me to hear say is: let it go, move on.
I use that a lot when I am talking with someone, and I notice he told me to quit saying that LET IT GO, MOVE ON.
Today I understand why; that words for him means loose something = lost
So that why he kept garbage because he doesn’t want to feel the lost.
Once he feels the lost he goes back to his childhood when mother is didn’t love me like he would like to, so he had become a lost child.
Taking garbage for the house will place him as a lost child again.
I bet once is does that, at the end he will sit down in living room in a chair, looking at the television with a block thinking = looking to the infinite. Vs. lost child vs. incomplete human being


3 - RELATIONSHIPS VS REJECTION

That house is perfect to avoid relationships, BECAUSE is full of garbage, so how come has space for a woman there??????
Doesn’t have, and that is the all point on this!
Keeping the house full of garbage keeps away a woman vs. relationship.
Who wants to live there? No one! So if he doesn’t live with someone he knows that he is not going to be rejected / abandoned / loose a woman. If they never come, they will never leave. Right?
Before you reject me I will reject you, do you remember that is that is written in all psychology books. Is proofed.
He wants to be rejected before he would fall in love even more. If I reject him now would be easy for him. Is early he would feel, but he wouldn’t feel too much.
The message was: see no space here for you.



CONFUSION

How he thinks:

- I am in love with her
- I want her with me
- She is going to abandoned me
- I am going to loose her because she will leave

At this point I believe that is having several anxiety about this

His heart his telling him to open again and let me in

His fear of abandonment is challenging his heart, and therefore he will challenge me


PORNO

They don’t talk. They are just naked pictures, so therefore they cannot reject him. He has the power to do that. He just needs to change webpage. He is in control. He doesn’t NEED to deal with a real woman. He avoids feeling, because they are unknown people who can never reject him, or abandoned him.



Hookup website

If one fails he has another one to talk. If one rejects him, has another one who is going to talk with him = once again = COMPENSATION


WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW?

THE BRAIN IS IN CONFLICT WITH HIS HEART = SEVERE ANXIETY= ANGER = TIRED = SLEEP = GIVE UP = END = DEAD

WHAT TO DO?

BASIS -

1- Stop listen heavy metal vs. the doors

2- Spend 10 minutes putting stuff on garbage, and allow he to feel the lost

3- Stop watching porno, and allow he to feel love just for today

4 - Having at least 3 meals a day

5 - Vitamins complex B


Just these 5 things will save his life, and rescue his life again

If you know someone like that just tell them that the only way to live life is by following their heart


Ivone V. 06/23/08

This was publish with his consent


I admire you, and I am greatfull for your existence


P.S. Just today 06/25/08 while I was driving to my work, I remind that I already saw a house like that - my mother's house!

unbelieve! I just remind that after 3 days