ressentments

resentments
how to grow what can I do

the anger to resentment

telling another person about my feelings and letting them know about my needs
trying to justify the anger is the same as denying it and annulling it
the anger tells me something is wrong and I need to look at it
the resentments grow from the anger when I can not handle that anger
sometimes I carry resentments when I pretend everything is ok
if I avoid the conflict and ignore what I feel, soon or later I will pay that price
pride doesn't let me tell, I expect people to read what is going on with me, but in the middle of this process I am already thinking a way to pay back
resentments are like concrete that dries slowly. At the time it is already dry and the others are already my enemies.
if someone hurts me and I don’t tell to that person I am hurt , after I will remember all the times that person hurt me, looking for reasons to feed the resentment.
just remembering the bad things is when the anger becomes resentment
at this time the apologies isn’t enough because I am now in a place I wont apologies for anything since past until now?????
second faze --- the resentment becomes hate ( desire of revenge)
revenge its a desire to hurt back, to return the pain
at this time I believe I cant give up the anger until I pay back

WOUNDS

how we feed it

1 - what they did
2 - what they didn't do
3 - what they should be doing
1 - he hurt me by stealing my pen
2 - he should have asked me to give him this pen
3- he should come here and apologize to me
normally the resentments start with something someone did to us, we think about what that person didn't do and what they should do.

the resentment hurt
when we are in an obsession about our resentments we cannot grow spiritually or emotionally, we are stuck in past.
. we can't quit thinking about the resentments
. we focus so much on that person who we resent, than is hard to do what we like
. we feel frustration and anger most of the time
. we feel sorry about ourselves and the pain we have
. we have symptoms that result from emotions that we are uncomfortable about; like headaches, pain in belly, heart beating fast
. we are iritatable with others and our relationships suffers
. we see the others as bad people, people who don't think and hurt us

forgive
we don't have to forgive until we are ready, even when that person apologizes
maybe the pain is still there, very alive inside of us
we need some time to think about it, but we don’t need to search for more reasons to not forgive; we have to be honest with ourselves
. are we having pleasure with our resentment and hate?
. are we keeping an enemy to blame for our misery?
. maybe a resentment makes our life more exciting?
. we use our resentments to forgive our abusive behavior and to become violent and irrational?
forgive isn't the same as forget, or forget what other person did to us or forgive unacceptable behaviors.
forgive means to refuse that person hurts us again.
we don’t have to pretend nothing happened, and we don’t have to forget the past, we choose to live in present by let it go.... the resentments.
we can remember in a way to defend ourselves in future, but we don’t remember with hate.
add the cost of our resentments
the resentment take us our freedom. áámany times making with that let us prevent people or situations


forgiving is a process

forgive isn’t easy or fast
even we know forgive is to help us sometimes we don’t have sure if we want to do.
ááwe are to be pulled in two directions, ááthe hatred on the other hand and the hill for another one.
this is the reason why forgive its slow, and also when we think we already forgave the resentments show up again.
forgive starts when we really want to forgive .
we have to be patients with ourselves and wait for the
if we don’t loose the desire to forgive we will have a emotional freedom.
forgive means an change of attitudes and actions
today I choose to forgive
we have to learn to appreciate again that person
we can change our actions before we change our thoughts, using PRETEND TO BELIVE
exercising...doing something nice for who we resent
.find out a place to relax
.thinking about something who makes u feel good
.now put that person in that thought
.give mental forvigness, let them enjoy that moment
forgive the past
write 3 reasons to explain what u win keeping that anger
after write the loses, for example, how that resentment affects our life today
decide if u want to go on or move on
forgiving can bring or not a reconciliation
remind the positives things they did
let go the anger we can move on
you was attack, u don t want be with the attacker anymore, so the objective its to stop to think in that attack, like that u will take out of your head the attacker.
forgive its a present to ourselves, doesn’t mean u r like them, means we want to live in peace with ourselves.
if the reconciliation doesn’t happen, its ok, at least we r free from the past.
we have to be able to forgive ourselves
isn’t enough admit we hurt people, we need to relook how we hurt people, after that we r able to make what needs to change our behaiovors.
sometimes u have to do emends.
its hard to forgive ourselves because we feel guilty and shame.
the guilty tells us we did something wrong
the shame tells us we r something wrong and we r bad people and with defects.
doing emends
relax, don’t stay defense and don’t think u have to justify your behaviors.
ask to yourself how that behaiovor u putted u away from spiritual principles, and decide if u want have those behaviors in your life
the negative actions, like revenge give us the sensation of power, but its fake because in this process we just r going to loose an important part of our
security and respect for ourselves.
the question is: do I also need to forgive myself?
the resentments make us forget we r also humans and we also do mistakes like the others.
write 3 specifics examples of behaviors u need to forgive yourself
forving ourselves
the resentments make us to stop believe in ourselves and in our judge, because most of the times we go against our morals, values when we r
in anger or hate.
we also can start hating ourselves.
make a list of 3 hostile thoughts or negative that u think about yourself
now make a list of 3 positive characteristics u have
now write what u can do positive for yourself and not what someone can do positive for yourself
after that imagine relax and imagine u r giving that to yourself and also imagine u r giving that to others
try to make them in your dally bases
this is what means forgive ourselves
TEN SUGGESTIONS TO HELP U TO FORGIVE

1 - make a list of all people u r ready to forgive. write why u have to forgive them
2 - look until what point that is hurting u. write consequences of your resentments
3 - write the hostile thoughts u have for each person
4 - write the negative actions u take aganaist them
5 - make a compromise to stop that thoughts and that words. try with 2 people
6 - make a list of the positives things u see in that person. do not mix compliments with critical. keep yourself positive
7 - pray for them
8 -write 3 things about what u can do with them or for them, like u can sit besides them and not in the other corn of the room.
don’t create unreal expectative about what they r going to do or not
9 - remember:
. be patient with yourself
. without compromise, that means u r not going to wait that person gives something back to u or even forgive u
. forgive isn’t forget
. forgive its to myself and not to others
10 - to forgive ask for help to people who already know how to forgive and understands u
indirections on preventing resentments
the people will do all the time things u make us uncomfortable , but u can learn how to prevented it
. think about it and talk about it without ááexagerating . keep yourself in reality
. keep yourself active. the resentments grow up when we are inactive.
is in that time we feel powerless and without hope.
do not give permission to yourself to act like a victim
. keep yourself in the present as much as you can
do not come back to old wounds.
keep in touch in what is hurting u now, u can confront someone without live again the old wounds
. keep yourself in this subject. take the position than u don’t like some behaiovors of that person and not you don’t like that person
.ask for help, don’t let the anger become resentment and hate
. do not depend on another person to have serenity. search yourself for your serenity
be good to yourself:)
done
IVONE DO VALE
10-18-2006