Manipulation

MANIPULATION = control=ego


Manipulation is an immature way to ask for what we want




ways to manipulate:

- cry

- split people

- lie

- omission

- justification/rationalization

- anger/ intimidation

- buy people

- taking advantage of good people

- causing guilty

- be too nice / sex

- tattoo / sex

- the way you talk ( like a baby) / sex

- smiling too much / sex

- flirting / sex

- the way you walk / sex

- the way you sit / sex

- the way you dress / sex

- the way you look / sex


you don't develop healthy and trustful relationships.
In this process you become the abuser/ abused

how you fight this????

Simple, you become honest with yourself/ others

here the thing, what can happen if you tell someone exactly what you want? They say NO. Right?

If you tell someone you don't want to sleep with them, because the only thing you want is his money to go use drugs, you know they are not going to give you money, so, you won't have money to use drugs.

If you tell someone: I just want to make sex games with you, but I won't sleep with you. The answer you have would be: So nice to meet you, but I won't do it

we are not to be allow to do sex games.

Creating healthy relationships is when you tell someone exactly what you expect and want from them. That would give both the opportunity to have a conscience choice.

If both agree, so therefore becomes normal.
If just 1 knows about the plan becomes pure manipulation.

Manipulation has consequences

you become function with guilty.

Here the thing.... when you are manipulating you forgot something very important, YOU ARE A HUMAN BE WITH VALUES
those values will catch up with in the middle of this process.
You get what you want, but you will leave with guilty, and guilty has a roommate witch is shame.
Shame and guilty walk together.
Example:

I want to go on pass with that friend that I know he has feelings for me.
I have the power to make him because I am an attractive woman (EGO), and because I know he likes me.

Ok, so let's make a pass plan together.


ABUSER

8.00am - he comes to pick you up

you enter in his car, before that you hope he don't try to kiss you without your permission.

9.00 am - you go with him to your parent’s house - old behavior

what do you think your parents are going to think:

here she comes always with a man / nothing had changed

what your children are going to think?

We have a daddy!

But after you come back from your pass, and your children who were playing that afternoon with that man, they won’t see him again.
So you are teaching again to your children to not trust people, because they come and go.
you already know that, and the shame, will catch up with you now

10.00 AM you go to a meeting:

your friends don’t see you for a long time, so for sure, once you walk in, they will be around you talking with you, joking, laughthing, etc.... your friend will be sit in chair waiting for you to stop talking with them and give him some attention. At that point you already know he is there waiting like a lost child, and the guilty you come.

11.00 AM you take your friend to lunch with your parents.
Once again you will be busy talking with your parents. Your children will be asking for your attetion, and the guy will be again there waiting for you.
What is happening now????
You are already in stress, because you already realized the attention is been asking from you.
So now you start having a resentment wondering why you came with him.
After you start to have shame because, you are wondering how could you been thinking about getting rid of me... he was so nice to take you to all this places. I must be a bad person! I am so selfish! Guilty, and shame together.
And is in here you become the ABUSED!
Now you become the lost child, with all those feelings again, and don't know what to do.

After in your way back, he tells you:

- I love you, and I want to go to a motel with you now

what do you think you are going to do????

You are going, even if you don't want to...why????
Because the guilty and shame is in control now. You are not in control anymore.
You thought like an addict (Ego), but you forgot what comes first.... you are a human be, who has feelings, and values!!!
Ask for what you want.
Tell me people exactly what you want from them.
That will allow discussing, negotiating, option to agree or not. That is what I call be normal, and healthy.

Let me give you other example:

What do you think the people who do bondage???
Weirdo hum???? Crazy??? Oh God!!! ???? Abnormal????

Here the thing: if both agree then becomes normal to them.

When 2 people agree on something becomes normal, and acceptable.

Now let's go back to EGO

Let’s suppose every time you say to someone: I don't' want have a relationship with you. The only thing I want is do sex games, because I like the way that feels.

Let’s suppose the person answers: that is not what I want to have.

What do you think would happen?

Your ego would be broken, and the ego will become weak and weak, until you will give up of doing that, and then becomes the less important thing for you in a relation between you and men.

But let's suppose you don't tell them your intentions your ego will be fed over and over again, and you will never know what a healthy relationship is.