We often hear people telling people " you must forgive"
I always agreed with it, since was the only thing I knew until now.
But now let me asking something, or just allow me to take you deep on this and give you another vison. What happen to the ones who got really hurt by someone?
What happen to them when someone tells them to forgive people that really hurted them?
And if they are uncapable to forgive?
What do you think they will feel?
Let me tell you ... Guilty and shame!
So here is the contradiction. You are telling a client " isn't your fault! You need to forgive in order to move on"
If you said "isn't your fault " that means that in front of you is someone feeling guilty and shame. When that person for some reason doesn't forgive that means she or he end up feeling more guilty and shame!
They will end up feeling more bad about themselves and more inadequate.
I am not telling that revenge is OK because revenge is a negative motivation.
I am just telling that sometimes forgiveness/ absolution its just another form of denial.
Its people pretending that pain didn't happen!
How come them acknowledge their anger if they already forgiven?
Sometimes "be ready to forgive" its just a way to avoid pain or painful therapy. Is like a shortcut to feel better for some days or even some months.
The problem is that its just "some" and then they may end up turn that anger against themselves.
Sometimes people need to earn the forgiveness.
So remember " forgive and forget" can be a major trap for your emotions.
Done :)
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