week review

So everyone is wondering why I changed the way I dress.
I keep watching people looking at me in a weird way, like: what is going on with her? What happen? Why she is acting like that?
I had a client that yesterday she asks me: have you been shopping? My answer was: No. I just took all the clothes from the closet.
The true is just one; they always say that we learn and grow with bad moments, and that will make us strong. TRUE! Today I was offering my work to one of my supervisors and he said: no, no, we don’t want to burn you out. My answer was: I already burn out, but one of the things you need to understand about me is when something bad happen to me I will complain, and complain, and I go on self pity, and I really go down, but then I get tired and I stand up stronger than before.
So what is going on with the clothes?
I stop feeling sorry for the clients!
Here my old thoughts: oh, I am not going to dress like I did in Portugal because most of them they don’t have property and I don’t want to hurt their feelings or make us feel minor. See, I am so codependent that I changed the way I dress to feel more accept by them. Since that situation happen to me, I realized that they do what they suppose to do and isn’t because the clothes they are going to do better, or they are going to see me as someone who cares.
So before I came to work I took all the clothes from the plastic, and I am wearing it again.
I am taking care of myself. Was a way I found out to keep moving on.
I am going to stand up, but I will stand up in high style, lol.
My message was: I am here! And I am stronger! At least now I don’t appear like a client, I appear more like staff, lol.
I don’t know if I am right or wrong, but for now is what I am doing, and is making me since.
Also I have more time to fix myself when I work at evenings, because in the morning I just want to wake up, have coffee, and go.
At evenings I am able to wake up slow, and I have time to do everything, easy and slow.
Moving on….
Today I did a group and for the first time I gave feed back and I participated like before.
I started here one of the clients saying: see, see, what I told you guys. See how she figures out stuff? Once again I dint give importance like before. I still like to hear, but I don’t show it because they no longer can manipulate me with that.
The other cottage keeps telling that I need to come back. Yesterday I asked them why I need to come back. The answer was: you really need to come back believe me!
My everyday answer to the other cottage is: you have what you ask for, so be happy with that. Because I smoke break they forgot all the rest I was doing there, so now I moved on, and I am happy with that.
Now talking about QCC. For the first time since I have been working here I have QCC who doesn’t abuse me.
The first act I had she was always screaming, and angry, and I would found myself doing all the groups. The second QCC wants kind, and was very lazy, and would lie a lot. Is the kind of the person who would tell you that yellow is pink. I end up doing all his work and he really abused me.
The third QCC was lay back, and in a soft way would put me doing some of\f his groups.
So now I have my 4th QCC and finally I have someone who is nice to me, and doesn’t abuse me!!!!!!!!!!! I even have been saying: I don’t work too much! Is not weird???? The result of this is that she is living this job!!!!!!!!!! Shit!!!! I have no lucky!!!!!
When finally after 1 year I get someone good she is living.
She is calm, quite, and she splits work with me. Oh well.
Other subject, just for fun.
One staff member today told me: Hey Mr. C. is saying that he doesn’t understand Miss D. anymore. He told me that one week she one person and other week she becomes another person. Hello!!!!!!!!!!! You stupid!!!!!!!!!!! What is the part you dint understand that she doesn’t need you anymore???? See, first she had me by her side to get ride of you, when you was gone she decided to have you by her side to get ride of me. You was used!!!!!!!! Hello!!! Like me.
Get over now, she doesn’t need you anymore because she already got what she wanted. What is the part you don’t understand that when she is sitting down she is always thinking???? Couldn’t you see that??? Couldn’t you see in her eyes that she is always thinking and trying to figure out what is going to be her next move???? Hello!!!!!!!!! Well Mr. C. too bad! Keep coming back
Today i was talking with my mentor about going to my country and what I could do for the company in order to not harm the company. I have been having this on my mind for a while. I was afraid because if I go over seas I want to be there at least 3 a 4 weeks. for my suprise the only thing he asked me was when I want to go!!!!
was so simple and he was so understandable!!! was amazing I dont have this on my shoulders anymore:)