A gift from God

We have this client that is going to a hard time. Her son was murder last week during a party he went.
When I find out I immediately went there to tell her how sorry I was. I have been watching this client working at the haunted house, and she was having fun. I kept wondering why she was having fun, and I kept looking at her trying to figure out. Didn’t took me too much to realized is the grieve process, and she was walking through the first symptom witch is denial, and bargaining. Yesterday we had a lot of fu together because she was the one who walked me thought haunted house because I was scared.
Yesterday she told me when she could come and talk to me. I said anytime, just ask.
Today she went to crisis. She finally is going to pain, and lost. I saw her at cantine, and she was hiding. I Asked if she was ok, and she said: I asked to the supervisor I want to talk to you, I believe you are the only one who can help me. I told her to come and see me at 1pm.
When she arrived, she was mad, because no one was capable to help her, and they gave her a pack (handbook) on grieve. She told me: they gave me a fucking pack. When I started to read I found out that pack is for teenager people.
I asked her how she acted at the funeral. She said she faint and she couldn’t stop scream.
The reason I asked that was to find out how far or how late she was in grieve process.
I realized with her answer that she was exactly where she was supposing to.
I told her that in not in this world a hand book who can get away her pain.
This was what I told her:
“I am not going to try to elude you. You will never stop to cry your son. You will cry your son until the rest of your life, because HE WAS YOUR SON. He was part of you, and your heart will be broken forever. You will get better, but at anniversaries, Christmas, you will cry.
What happen to you is real; HAPPEN! You just need to allow yourself to feel, and you may be in lunacy for awhile. Lunacy is when you laugh, and then after 5 minutes you cry, and then you laugh again. You are having a pain that you don’t understand, and me as a counselor I would never understand because I don’t know how painful can be to loose a son. So hear what I say, that pain is real, and you be with you forever, because you have now a broken heart. This pain also tells you that you are a wonderful person because you loved you son; you are capable to love. I know what I am going to say next isn’t not going to make sense to, but what I want to tell you is that you may have found your destiny thought this; maybe you can use this pain to help other trouble teenagers. Through help them you are able to feel more near, and in touch with your son through life.”
The client told me that she also was feeling guilty, and I that made me to do relapse prevention.
I asked permission to the group to work with them in client’s pain. They agreed.
I circle them up, and I put the client in the middle, and I asked if she would like to tell her son about her guilty, and pain.
She agreed, and she spoke with her son through cry, and screams. Most of the group started to cry with her.
At the end I asked them who would like to pray with her, and a lot of them prayed different prayers.
We have on our unit this weird trouble girl, witch no one knows how to deal with her. The first time I met this client I got scared, and I thought she was a freak. Weeks ago I realized that she wants so freak because she was been manipulated by other client who likes to manipulate gay and trouble women, and is doing that for the second time. (She is redo 6 months again) so I realized that client is using masks. I decided to not give her feedbacks, wouldn’t work! So she had become the weird trouble girl that I ask to help clients. Without her notice she is doing treatment by helping people that I asked her to.
So once again I asked for help, and I told her to go outside with this client who is in grieve and go smoke a cigarette with her. She stood with her for 30 minutes, and then she escorts her back to the cottage.
The client role back to the cottage, and she was more calm. Before she went I told her to do this exercise (talking with her son, and cry, as many times she needs to) in order to relieve her pain.
I found out she asked for me to be her counselor, and my supervisor told no, and the only thing possible is work with her counselor at same time.
I went to the cottage, and I called her counselor and the client and I told them what the supervisor told me. I told to the counselor that she may need to do this exercise, and the counselor said: yes, she can do it in break time, AMD, PTA.
My brain thought: NO, NO, WE CANNOT CONTROL THIS!!!!ISNT THE TIME!!!
True, she is about to leave treatment, we don’t have time. We are running of time.
But she has an excellent person as a counselor, I really like her, so I explain to her, that we may cannot control when she needs to do the exercise, because the client is going through moos alteration witch is part of the grieve. I asked to the counselor to give her freedom of expression during this phase, and let the process run natural way. She agreed.
For my surprise my ego didn’t get big because I chosen as the only one that client want to talk with.
I felt peace.
Also I felt a huge gratitude for having this mentor in my life. What a human being! What an inspiration! What a mentor! I am fortunate! He walked me thorough the pain I had on my last days in that cottage. He told me pain is what makes us strong, and the true will show up sooner or later. I wasn’t expecting that his words would come true so soon.
Today was the day. One counselor ( who is very sneak, and she jsut did again by taking advantage of a new counselor going to attitudes and attirement to send her clients for second time there when she knows they just can go one); anyway she took advantage the clients were mad at me because I put them on smoke break, and decided to gang them up against me.
Those clients today came to talk to me. They had chosen me.
Other client saw me at cantine and told: here is the thing; I am about to leave in two weeks, and I am exactly like I came here, so if was possible to talk with you before I leave, I would appreciate that.
I heard those clients telling to each other: this counselor knows what she is doing.
Was a beautiful moment, and I am grateful for that.
This is also what irritates me so much to still be a CI. I feel limitation, and I feel I cannot move on until I become a lcdc. I want to study more, and be certified in other areas in order to help more the clients.
I see some of my coworkers being a NA sponsor, and not counselors. I see some of them trying to resolve client’s issues with packages and not taking time to figure out what the client needs and how they can help.
In other day I said that this field is still late. Today I am going to rephrase that; isn’t the field, is some of the counselors who makes this job just a job. Just a place to get a paycheck without work a lot.
Lets face the true; between this and fast food, be a counselor is easier because you are sit down doing groups. I believe some of them choose this profession because they don’t know what else to do, and some of them choose this profession because they think is the same as be a NA sponsor.
Look to that client on my unit who everyone gave up on her because she is weird, and crazy. Since I stared to tell her to help my clients she is been doing what she never did before. She is been talking, she is been going to house keeping, she is been working on the unit. Today she told me: well, I don’t know what you did to me, but since you started asking me to talk with your clients, I see myself not shutting up. Now I talk like I never did before, I even get pull ups for talking.
See, this client wanted to be a cop, and her mother told her NO.
The person that she most needed didn’t believe in her, so she is been trying to prove that everyone will give up on her. SHe had been challenging everyone in order to be rejected and make clear that people give up on her, and they don’t care.
Once I told her: here is the thing, I care about you and you are not going to be able to stop me, because I am stronger than you. I will keep care for until the day you will start care for yourself, and I don’t care if you want it or not.
I found out the best way wasn’t to go into confrontation with her, but asking for help.
I gave her the responsibility without her notice