blackmail vs relapse pervention

IF SOMEONE TELLS YOU:


- Why do you still need to go to 12 steps meetings???

- You are an ex. addict

- Your kind; your kind of people

- A normal person wouldn't date an ex. addict /addict

- You need to be away of NA people, in order to forget the past


OK, so now let's translate all of this.... what is beyond this? What is the message?

Simple;

First, someone like this has high level of intelligence, because words like that can have a huge impact, and end up killing someone.

If you are not aware of what this means, if you can not translate it right way, you wouldn't be able to change the way you think, and at the end you will end up feeling guilty.
Once you feel that powerful feeling named guilty, you are condoned!

Translation:

QUESTION - Why do you still need to go to 12 steps meetings???

TRANSLATION - I should be the most important thing in your life, not the meetings

QUESTION - you are ex. addict

TRANSLATION - you don't need them, you have me

QUESTION - - your kind; your kind of people

TRANSLATION - YOUR kind = abnormal = problematic = weak = different = alien = E.T., lol

QUESTION - - You need to be away of NA people, in order to forget the past

TRANSLATION - You need to live for me

Skill manipulators hum:)

This manipulation is quite, yet they are powerful effective.
Often these instances of manipulation get label miscommunication, but at the end this just has one name - power struggles - EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL = VAMPIRES.
Something like that will lead you to feel guilty, and to feel you are a bad person, or uncapable to have a relationship, BUT, if you learn how to translate this you will find out what is beyond this.
Beyond this is a very skill manipulator who is very insecure and codependent.
This person is terrified. This person believes that he/she is going to lose you if you be around of other people.
I asked my client what they would do in a situation like this. the answers were many.
one of them said:
" if you really love me you would let me go"
to that I reply: well, you are almost saying to him how sorry you are to be an addict.
Mostly of the answers were like this one. the person feels the need to apologise for the need to go to a meeting, or apologise to be who they are... mostly of them they used the word : IF YOU..... LOVE ME, CARE FOR ME, ETC...

IF doesn't happen....keep it real! they don't love you already.
they don't have space for you in their egocentric world.
I believe that love is understanding, compassion, friendship
the manipulators are what we called = emotional not available.
the clients asked :
what you would say?
I would say:
I go because I want to, because I have that right!
Be assertive.
here the thing, when you let people emotional abuse you, is half way for them to get the other 2.... verbal abuse, physical abuse.
Your inside right way tells you that something is wrong, that no one should tell you those things. If you don't knowledge become self doubt, and self doubt can take the form of statement" I know what I know, but I can't know it"

why?
because if I face reality, that means I will no longer be in denial, and then I will have to make a hard decision = let go the person, break up, lost of the person, and as an addicts we even don't like to loose a button.
Our knowlege feels unconfortable, dangerous, and we feel we cant face the changes we had have to make if we accepted our perceptions as true.

denial - self manipulation

maybe he isnt so bad
maybe he needs more attention
I should understand him more

continue....