Nostalgia

Nostalgia


Since 4 days ago I have been thinking about my company. I never talk about it. I have a company who is a phone book, like yellow pages. I was supervisor in a big company of phone books.
I started my recovery at a gas station selling ice cream, and making promotions at a big supermarket. But, making promotions wants like sell, because the people go there to but anyway, so I was selling what they wanted. My position was to promote the brand, and make them to buy my brand, the one I was working for. I Promoted Dove, Tide, and Pantene. One day I was promoting toilette paper, and I SNAP. Lol, I got tired to promote, and I decided I was going to sell in my way, Ivone way. The supermarket had to replace the toilet paper 3 times, because I was selling everything, and the shells were empty. The name of the toilette brand was “SMART”, I will never forget. I got fed up, of the promotions, and I decided that was time to go sell. So I answer to a job, that I didn’t have a clue what kind of the job it was. Was a phone book. The owner of the company was crazy, lol, but after 6 months I was one of the best sells person there. Was a little office, and the supervisor was a woman who didn’t care, and she was a lier. I will talk more about this woman soon, because we had a sad history together. I felt that supervisor wasn’t taking care of our issues, because she was always busy with her men problem, and when was asked for things she would lie. I started to not trust in the system there, so I felt inside of me that was time to go. The owner made a party for me and told I should not leave because I was on of the kidneys of the company. Was too late, because emotional I had made a decision to leave. I got a phone call from other phone book, and they asked me to go work for them. I will never forget the day I met the owner. I tall fake blond woman, very well dress, and always with excellent boots. Her business partner was her lover, and he was very hook on heroin. The office was a first floor at a building, and we were just a few working there. In 1 year they bought the second, and forth floor of that building. After 1 year we were a lot of people working there. Before that, 1 year ago we were just a few people counting the coins. After 6 months we were shitting money. Our lunch breaks was to go together to ZARA store and buy clothes. I started to see people who before were taking the subway, and now they had BMW cars. Just me I was selling a month 10.000 euros, and of course I was taking 5.000 a month. I had become one of the best sells person in that company, and believe me we were a lot of people. I still remember that when I was on the phone selling that a few times my colleagues would hang up their phones just to hear me , and the was I was selling. I was very competitive, and I make myself to sell in a less of a minute. My sells never took more than 10 minutes. The owners decided to open a company in North of Portugal, and they decided to use me. Big mistake! They sent me to North to teach the new employees how to sell. They paid my hotel for 30 days, but the first week I decided to leave in my car because I was having fun at night going to clubs every night, and of course dating. Was a hard time for me because I had lost a child at that time, so I was grieving, and going wild. I believe I dated 2 guys but I didn’t like the sex, so I had to let them go, lol. Anyway, I was tired, of all that teaching, and I realized that they were using me, and not promoting me. I was doing the job of the supervisors. I got fed up, and I left. At that time the company was changing, and a lot of people were doing cocaine, and had become a mess, so a lot of us left, and went to other company. That was a big mistake I did. I went to work to that woman I said that I would talk about her again in this blog. That company was a mess; she was having sex with the boss at the office restroom. All her family was there working, was a complete mess. I had a client, a doctor, which I would call him, and I would sell him 10.000 euros advertising. That means I would work half a day a month, lol. The rest of the days would be to do whatever I wanted. Like me were a few, so we would make decisions, like leaving the office at work time and go to hair style, buy clothes, or even go home. What’s next? Next is that once again I was chosen to go again to North and teach new employees. Those owners had decided to open a new company in North of Portugal, exactly like the other bosses I had did. Those new bosses decided that I was the best one to go. So here I go again to North of Portugal. This time they gave me a car, and I was going to live in a Hotel. I lived in a hotel for 3 months, with a car, and gas paid, lol.
Then they decided to make me supervisor and that meant to go back to Lisbon. Was like a knife in my back. I dint want to be supervisor, and go back to Lisbon. I remember I told to my boyfriend at the time” Lisbon will eat us alive”. North is country, Lisbon is city. He didn’t believe me because he was a country boy going to Lisbon, city for the first time. I arrived and the nightmare started. Here I was again with that woman and all her gipsy family, and with all their fights, and drug use, lies. They were from the hood, they were amazing horrible people. The things didn’t go well, and I was threat by them several times. I had this stupid idea that was time to open my own company. 6 of us (colleagues) went to open companies. I was the only one who failed lol. I fired my business partner and everyone who was working for me. I got sick and tired of the phone book, and at the end I sold the clients to other company. I didn't close the company and that was stupid because the taxes they count taxes every year. I spent 2 years in depression and then from new rich I had become poor again, lol, lol. I don’t know why I talking about this today, lol, I started talking about this 4 days ago. I caught myself telling a client: if you want to get rich in 1 year go work at yellow pages, because you are going to sell something that is already sold. Its true, phone books are the daily basis of people. Everyone needs it to get any kind of information. Did you ever wonder why sometimes you have a phone book at your door for free? How come a big book is giving it away for free to millions of people? Has to! The money of adverting is higher than make the book.
Just to put a company in bold in a phone book will cost you almost $500, just the little bold. Now image the big ones advertising.
I was good on that until I open my own company. I am a person who questions herself a lot. I even suspicious with myself. Let me explain. Yesterday I start to talk about the phone book. Is not normal at all, because I never talk about it, so why I was talking??? Right way I got suspicious with myself. Simple, I am not feeling I am a good counselor, so my conscience made me the favor to remind me that I was one of the best sells people in my country. That’s why I never paid a travel because I would get always the first place as the best sells person in companies. Who gets the first place gets a free travel. I Went to Spain, London, Paris, Greece, turkey, and I almost went to Germany. The only reason I didn’t go to Germany was because one of my colleagues had her supervisor selling for her at same time, so that means I was compete with 2 people, not with 1 like it should. At the end I told they: I am still the best, because was necessary 2 of you to get me. Lol
I think I got this conscience from one of my counselors.
I remember I was having one on one, and I kept talking bad things about me, and he got tired to hear that for 6 months, so one day he said: stop right now. I want you to tell me what you are good on. I whisper “sells”
So maybe that’s why when I am down, I go back in order to remind that I am good in something, and I will good as a counselor. I just need to adjusted and learn.
I still don’t understand what went wrong. They talk about boundaries, and I still don’t have a clue how to do that, how to act on that.
I also believe that the reason I am talking about this is because before I had a life. Feels like it. Before I had money and I would go everywhere. I would be with my friends at night, go out with them. Now I don’t go anywhere because I don’t know where to go, and my husband is old and just goes to NA stuff. Yeah, I am having nostalgia. Be with my friends, going to the coffee at night, having an active sexual life. I think that my marriage is what makes me feel stuck. I still go sleep at night dreaming to meet the guy who is going to rescue me from my misery. But the people I met are so f. sick I don’t have a life my friends, sad but true! I keep finding these addictions to play like eBay, or searching for a way to buy sperm and have a baby. Searching a way to have a baby.
I feel alone, and fat. That’s why I eat so much. I keep saying to myself that I need to live in present, but sometimes I have to go back in my past in order to see that I am strong and I already reach a lot of goals in my life.
Well that’s all.