I will figure this out sooner or later

I will figure this out sooner or later

What happened?

Today I saw her looking at me. She saw me going to my office and she went after me and she closed the door and she said: “I just want to let you know that I don’t have a problem with you. Was our supervisor who told me to do what I did, because one of your clients came to me to complain about you?”
OK, just took me by surprise, but what I heard was:
a) Was our supervisor fault
b) Was one of your clients

What I understood:
a) You are trying to get ride of your guilty and you are trying to put it on the supervisor
b) You are trying to make my caseload an escape goat - you are lying

I asked her: so who was the client who complains about me?
She answered: I am not comfortable to say it. I promised her I will not tell you.
a) The reason she didn’t tell me is because wasn’t someone from my caseload, because she just wanted an excuse.
I remember the last client who left would come to me and tell me:
“She called at her office and she asked me how you was as a counselor, and what you did during the day”
She kept going through my discharge summary and corrects the English, and I thought she was helping me.
I was a fool, because if this was happening why I didn’t pay attention???? Why I minimized that she was calling my clients and asking questions about me???? Why I didn’t see this coming???? Why I ignored it???
I told her: I believe you are lying, and you didn’t have anyone from my caseload.
She answers: I really don’t care what you think; I just know that you have a problem, and you are not ok.
I reply: hey, you are not my counselor, don’t come with NA conversation or try to counseling me. What I am telling is what happened was the clients were mad because lock search, and smoke ban, and they tried to split staff and they succeeded through you. What happened here was way out of control.
Her answer: Were 16 clients that must tell you something.
My answer: yes, tells me that one of your clients was telling them: write a complain about miss vale, go, go write. The ones who refused were called scare ass, chicken, and bitch.
By the way that client who was the instigator is again on status team, because she almost demanded on staff meeting. She succeeded again.
That almost demanding made me realized that she owns that client something. Like a loyalty pact. Both together were the instigators against me.
She said: clients complain that what they tell you in individual session in confidentiality who make them tell that to the group.
My answer: that was what I learned in treatment” go and share that with your group, and ask for help”, and I also don’t keep contracts with clients.
Then she said: are you trying to tell that our supervisor act wrong?
I answer: DO NOT MANIPULATE ME! Isn’t that I am saying. What I am saying is he told that you were talking about 1 client, and then when he came he had 15 on his door.
I found out the client who was the instigator went around the clients and said: do you remember that day that miss vale told you that? She picked up on peace there, and here, and put everything together.
Then she said: why you think the clients were checking Monday while talking to you?
My answer was: because they told me that they were told to write papers on me. They were feeling guilty, and shame.
Retaliation the word they are using; retaliation must mean when I don’t let them to do what they want to.
The clients normally say: you can do whatever you want; you even don’t have to speak, because miss vale will find out the true about you and she will tell you on your face.
So is that what they mean?
Sometimes I am in bad mood; sometimes I am not, bringing my problems to work;
Are they talking about the days I was full of work and they kept asking me a question every 5 seconds? Absconds after absconds? Single staff???? Am I not human???
I answer to her: I know I have defects and I have an anger problem. I know I am not perfect, but I am not going to allow you to break my self esteem, because I know I am a good counselor.
She kept saying that I wasn’t, she tried to break my self esteem.
She said that she had reported to the probation officer about all of this.
Why????

a) She is a basic counselor, what I call a "counselor NA sponsor". She already figure out that I have more wisdom than her

b) She knows that I will open my mouth if I see something wrong

c) She believes that Carr left and I was the responsible

d) She wanted that pipps stayed with her in her office, and then she found out that he wanted to be in my office

e) Her clients will come to me asking me for help. She got mad when she found out that

f) She says that the director is my friend

Did she forget when she circle them and told them that they were a mess, and the other cottage was not?
Did she forget that she is calling names to one of my clients?
Did the clients forgot that they told me that she never has time for them, and her groups is all about taking appointments, that she doesn’t teach them anything??

I told her: I don’t want power or run in here. I even don’t belong to this country. My only ambition is learning, and be more certified.

Now: why Carr was there again today during staff meeting?
Why she had brought him food?
Why he came back again at 5pm. I bet he came back again after I left to talk about me.
She is so stupid that she doesn’t realize that he is the one doing all of this, because he wants to create chaos between staff because he got resentment.
She doesn’t understand that once he creates the chaos he will call White to tell him that the new directors don’t have control on their staff. Is what he wants, revenge! He also wants to revenge against me.
I asked her: so tell me, why me? Why you dint complain when you saw Carr not doing individual session (neglect) and when he asked the clients to go on their knees raise their hands and ask for a cigarette? You were aware of that because we spoke about it, and when they were on their knees you was present. So why you dint complain about him?
She answers: because clients didn’t complain. They just complain about you.
She is a liar. She is the kind of the person who will tell you something and then will tell she didn’t say, and she will do that without blush, without blink, in a cold blood just to not be confronted.
I told her: next time if something like that happened you have to follow the protocol. You have to go to my QCC. And meet us together. If isn’t resolved you can take other action, but never with clients.
For you accpeting one of my clients to come to you and talk about me that will be consider spliting staff and break protocol.
Wasn’t my clients. Was her client! She just wanted to break the trust between me and my caseload, and she succeeded. Now I am insecure and I live in fear. I am not feeling the free counselor anymore because I am confuse and insecure.
Are clients at this moment treating me like if I was one of them because they got the power from her. Right now I am having a hard time to get the respect back. This was so out of control that today I had to call the supervisor because they were talking bad things about him. I heard them saying laugh and clear: let’s see if wheeler comes in a good mood, to sign the phase change.
Wheeler says one thing today and another tomorrow.
I sent him an email and I said: they are trying to take the control of the cottage. They are trying to run it, now they are talking about you.
What happened, the huge split staff, made them aware that is possible, and they can succeed and one is already down, let’s move one to other staff member and break him down. Like one at time. That was the gravity of what she did. They got the power to talk about anyone from the staff, and not respect them anymore.
Is like the status team at this moment….contaminated - the senior coordinator doesn’t respect me. My QCC caught lying about me. The vice senior coordinator was the instigator and gang them on me and also called names to the ones who dint wrote about me. By the way, both are their clients.
I will figure out sooner or later why she did that. Until then I will do my work, and I will try to be a better counselor.