The set up

After what happen last week, this week isn’t been easy for me. I am feeling complete lost, like if it was my first week at work in this field. I am working very insecure, and with low self esteem, and my groups whom once up on time were from my heart, have become shit. Until last week I would go to the board with confidence and I would start a group, and would be a very good group. Now, I am block, don’t know what to say. I am not free anymore. I usually I speak from my hear and mind, but now I think about what to say and how to say, and doesn’t make me sense like that. I have two or three clients who are not respecting me like before. Of course they are her clients. Today one of the clients came to me at 4.50pm to sign activity sheets. I told her that I would sign tomorrow early in the morning. The client went to my QCC and decided to complain about me to him that I didn’t sign!!! What???? Yep, and my QCC asked me in front of the client why I didn’t sign. What???? The activity sheets should be given at 2pm, not 4.50pm. This is not like they want. I am been telling that my cottage just found a way to run. I see that is the clients that are running the cottage, but staff thinks that they are running. Yesterday one of the clients was caught with contraband in her bra when she came from her pass. Today one of the clients went on JSO and lost 2 vans. Where she went???? Why she lost the 2 vans??? It’s a group of clients looking at us as a joke, and all the changes made is a joke. They tall about it in a clear open space. Do I have the help notes for bad raping? NO, of course not.
In other day at the morning meeting they are talking bad about the supervisor, in open space, without any concern about who they were talking about. They said: well, today he says one thing, tomorrow he says another, but let’s pray that he comes in a good mood to sign our phases. What???? What???? Today one of the clients disappeared for 1 hour, and then she came out of her room, and I asked her: where were you? She said that she was sleeping at her room. I asked to the clients: no one realized that she wasn’t here??? Their answer was. NO, and some of them said: I saw her in her room sleeping, but I thought she had permission. What????They are keeping a lot of contracts with each others. When I walk in everyday, I can see the protection, the unity; I can see “OUR WAY, NOT YOUR WAY.
Before was a cottage holding each other accountable. Today they are running. But who I am at this time to say something?
What I see:
I see that they are angry about the changes (phases). They feel threat because of that. They know their behavior is what is going to decide if they change phase or not, SO, they are coming together protecting each other. They are coming together as criminals (gang), and not as family. They are playing, but if I say something everyone is going to think that I am crazy, so let’s wait and see if I am crazy. They saw staff with open doors…resentments against each other, so now we are their entertaining. They are keeping staff worrying about staff, and they are winning. Once staff is worry about staff they know that staff will not have time to worry about what is going on with them. Simple as it is.
For example: Sunday when I went to work, I had a lot of papers on my desk. Was weird, because those papers were in main office in my box, and I was wondering how they showed up in my desk. So I figure that maybe was something to sign, so I went through the papers to see. Then in the middle of the papers were there 2 pictures of an ex client of mine!!!!!!!!!!! I asked: who put these pictures in my desk??? The answer was: “I don’t know! Maybe was miss DuPont because that client goes to after care in nexus and miss DuPont works there in the morning.” this was exactly their answer. My QCC told me that I need to let go this situation about the pictures, and I worry too much, and I am very emotional. What???? Kidding me???? Right??? So, I have in my desk 2 pictures of an ex client of mine and I just forget it???? When I reported the situation no one took me serious. Cannot be serious, but come one, come on, can be very serious, because can be a set up.
NO, I am not to forget that! I am investigating that. Next Wednesday I am going to ask Miss DuPont if was her who put the pictures in my desk. If was her, I will consider that very weird. Why? Simple; why she didn’t wait for me and gave me those pictures. She could say: hey, I saw your ex client and she ask me to show you that.
My answer to that would be: OK. Then I would report to my QCC, and my supervisor, and then I would destroy the pictures, and then maybe I would think “why she is accepting pictures from the clients??? Doesn’t she know that is against the law???
NOW, second example: let’s suppose that I ask Wednesday to DuPont about the pictures and she says: NO! Wasn’t me!
OK then, what I should think next???? The obvious!!! A client had access to my office because the scout desk was side by side of the staff restroom and decided to set me up.
See the law says: WE DO NOT ACCEPT ANYTHING, ANYTHING FROM THE CLIENTS! So now, can someone explain to me how the 2 pictures end up on my desk???
The clients are aware of that because I remember that I told them often: I am sorry but I cannot accept what you did for me in Sts because is against the law. I also I remember that often I told them: do not write me notes of any kind. That is against the law and can be considerate as sex games.
So I don’t know what to think, BUT, I AM GOING TO FIND OUT! OH, YES I AM.
My QCC said: let go. My answer was: I don’t want to loose my job Sr. so I need to find out why those pictures were on my desk.
So let’s see Wednesday, but let me tell you something…. If were the clients, I promise I will clap to them and I will take my hat to them, because if were they, this was just fucking brilliant. If were them this was a brilliant criminal behavior. Why? Simple; first they degraded my image; once my image is not valid anymore they place the pictures because they know who is going to take me serious now?
Lets wait and see.
by the way, maybe this seams stupid and childish but I miss my mentor terrible. Today i had the opportunite to see him for 2 minutes, and I knew that he was important in my life, but after that 2 minutes I walk out to go to the cottage again and I was thinking: no matter what is going to happen, you was the best and the only good thing happen to me in this country, and I will never ever will forget you. Thank you for everything.