So today I went to work and I was feeling horrible. The only thing I had on my mind was that I couldn’t breath right because the cold, nothing else nothing more. I asked to the senior coordinator how were the things in these last days, like I normal do just to be update. She couldn’t give me a straight answer, and she was looking down, not facing me. She kept avoiding the question and then she told me to ask to other client. So I called the other client, and I didn’t understand what was going on. So the client said: well, all the clients got mad because the smoke ban and they decided to complain, and then your co worker asked them to line up, and go to your office. Once in your office she asked what they feel about you, and told them to write down. Then she said that the supervisor was coming to meet us, in order for us to complain. She asked us how you act in group, how you act in individual sessions. One of the clients was the instigator, she and her counselor. The client is mad at me because I took her budge twice for breaking the rules. One of the times she went outside to smoke without staff authorization. In that day I told her that once she leaves the cottage without authorization that can be considerate abscond.
Her counselor came and gave her the badge back, and I was surprise. Then after a few days we found out that she was borrowing cigarettes, and she would follow people begging for cigarettes. I took her badge again. I went to training and she decided that was the perfect time to instigate / gang up, people on me. Why? Because some of them were mad because they were on smoke ban. She succeeds!!! With help of her counselor. I even without been there I can picture my co worker acting as a rescue ranger, with her drama queen way. Oh my God lets save the world!!! I knew it was a power issue going on with her. For some reason she wants to run something. What she wants? I know what I want, BUT I am not going to tell her and that why I am writing here.
What I want to tell her:
- Why you doing this? Do you think that will give you a supervision status? NO IT WONT, and the reason why are people like you and me will not get higher position because we are too dramatic, and our director can like us but will not want to have drama around him. So Let me tell you who will get what you want, will be those two young ladies from unit E, because they are calm and not drama queens. So stop fucking with me and leave me alone because I am not a threat to you.
- You fucking ignorant, don’t you see what you did could make me loose my license???
- You come here with all this food to manipulate everyone, acting as mommy, smiling on our face, and fucking us from behind. Do you really think I don’t see your game? But I don’t give a shit about your game, what I want is you to leave me the fucking alone.
- you are a fraud, telling you are not an addict, and then I see stuff around who tells me you went to NA world convention. You act as an addict, you fucking stupid.
- What do you want? You want to have my wisdom? Fuck go to treatment and you will have it.
- You betrayed me, and I just trust once. You get everything of me, until the day you betrayed me. Once you betrayed me, and I see you are fake, you are done with me.
- By the way, I don’t like when you tell the director that he is a mess when he is talking about himself. You are a fucking mess not him.
- You want to be the queen go ahead, you don’t have life, have you
- Just for today I hate you so much you fucking bitch
- What was the part you dint see that they were mad because I did lock search and I put them on smoke ban??? You fucking ignorant.
- you keeping doing all this overtime pretending that you care when the true is that you just think about money.
- do you know how many times they came to me telling me that you never have time for them, and you don’t help them on individual sessions? Can you picture if I would react like you did? I won’t! You fucking sick
- And yes, I have a anger problem, but wasn’t the case in this situation, they were mad because the contraband
- and yes, cottage D is keeping contracts with each others and you fucking smart cant see it. Can you see now???? If they were holding their selves accountable this would never happen????
- did you that your brilliant client called name to one of my clients when she refused to talk bad about me??? So what do you fuck think about it? Hum?
- For now one I will maintain professionalism with you. I will not trust you but I will continue to respect you. Why? Isn’t because of you, is because I own that to myself and to our director, because if was just you I wouldn’t give a shit.
Well, since I wrote this I am feeling betters. They always say that when we write what we feel that everything is going to be better. It’s funny because one of my arguments in the training I had was when I said: they are not criminals! They are just lost children. Everyone laugh on my face, and I got mad. Now I understand why. I keep having these clients who have an anti social behavior… instigate and then lay back watching the chaos. One of them left last Tuesday, and I thought was over. But now we have another one.
I had one client that her complain was because I don’t let her to do step 4 with her sponsor!!! I had people trying to make me sign blind the phase change. I realized that is what also this is about. They want to change phase, and they thought that the borrowing and leading will make them to not change phase. I saw all of them today worry about it. They couldn’t stop talking about it. What I see? At this moment I see a cottage holding contacts and making time. No one believes me, and is ok; I will wait for them to see it. I have JSO people who don’t find jobs because they know that her probation officer will let them leave without a job. 7 already left without a job, and next week another one is leaving without a job. They only problem is going to lunch together, throw in garbage the treatment food, and make phone calls to UK to boyfriends they never saw. Job? For what? I have that guy who I never saw who I am writing to who send me propriety, and I will go live with. Is a senior coordinator who doesn’t have the control of the family because fears them, and she will be what they want her to be. We have one of the status team who just gang up on of the counselors. So what is the worry??? So they still are wondering why I did lock search???? Hello!!!!!!!!
What I am going to do:
Work, work, and work. Do my best. Do what I need to do.
What I am not going to do:
I am not engage in conversations with clients anymore. I will do what they taugh me in the training. I will avoid conversations because they want to talk to take the control over me. They want to know my weakness in order to manipulate. Like my mentor on day said: we need to be one step ahead of them.
What I am going to do with my co worker:
Nothing! I will be professional. I will stick with my new QCC because I already realized he has something to teach.
I just can’t realize what I am doing wrong to have my co workers feel so free to gang on me. Why is so easy from them? I am doing something wrong. Maybe I am being so nice to them. Maybe I talk too much about me. I don’t know. People say they feel jealousies about me.
What is weird on that day the other co worker who left the cottage was there with her in that day. hum!!!!!!!
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