Can we call it success?

Successful treatment

First of all I want to say thank you to my mentor because I am back again on track writing about what I like. Thank you for bring me again to sanity.
Now, let’s talk about successful treatments.
I was doing a group on anger management, and we were having fun. Then one of the clients started saying that she was mad. I asked her why she was mad. She said she didn’t know. I asked her gain why she was mad, and she answers the same. Then I told her: you need to tell me what is going on with you, because if you don’t I am going to think you are just asking for attention. She finally said she was frustrated with the rules of Cornell. I felt myself become defensive, but them I thought: this is not about you, is about her.
I told her to give me specific examples on what she is frustrated about. She said:
- I am frustrated certain staff works in different ways
- I am frustrated because some people follow the rules and others don’t
I asked her: what do you think about the word MAYBE?
She said: what??? The word MAYBE???
Yes, tell me what you think about the word MAYBE. Let me give you an example; when you want to date someone and the person answers to you maybe, or don’t know what you do?
She said: I forget. I leave.
Then I asked her: so, tell me who are you?
That took her awhile to answer, and the only thing she said was:
I am nice
Proud = control
Funny = control
Being proud is a way to control emotions. Funny is a way to control emotions and people.
I asked her: why do you want to control me? Why do you think I am going to reject you?
Her body had a reaction. Her body language just changed, and she was very surprise with my question, like if was a ridiculous question.
I don’t want to control you.
Yes you want to. Why?
No I don’t!
Come on, yes you want to.
Everyone was confuse, and they couldn’t understand where I was going with all this questions, but I saw in their faces that they knew I was going to somewhere with that, and was coming out something cool.
So I broke down in peaces what I was talking about… and this was what I told her:
Look, do you remember when you told us that you made a treatment before and you were a role model there? Do you remember you told us that you followed all the rules and regulations, and everyone was happy with you? Then you went back and use.
You are doing the same thing in here. You are doing the same mistakes.
The reason that you don’t like the word MAYBE is because that word puts you in a position that you can not control. Is exactly the same you feel with the word CERTAIN PEOPLE?
You have been spending your time figure out the counselors, because once you figure they out you will be safe, because you will know how to move around them. Once you are safe you will not get their attention.
In this house you put yourself in a position of the one who resolves conflict, who resolves house issues. You put yourself in that position to avoid conflict, and to avoid help notes.
You are spending your time controlling me, when you should be spending your time to know me. While you are trying to control me you will never be safe, because you don’t have a chance to know me as a person. You do that outside also. You spend you time controlling and then you don’t create relationships based on intimacy. You become disconnected wit people. This will make you not have fun in recovery, and then you go back to use again. I am not trying to tell you to stop be a control freak, I am just trying to tell you to have the wisdom to know when, and where you need to be in control.
So, I am going to invite you to think about this. One of the things I need you to think about is to stay out of the status team for a week. The status team is putting in a control position. I want you to know both sides, because once you know both sides you can decided and have the wisdom to know let it go.
For example; you can have that control when you are outside working. There you can be a role model, a perfectionist. At home, and in NA you can become the simple human be, the one whom sometimes needs help to. The one who can connect with people.
If you continue to put yourself in just one position, the only people who are going to meet will be emotional vampires.At the end I told her she should want have spiritual success, and not treatment success.