PMS - COUNT THE DAYS AND DISCOUNT

My opinion will be bellow this

Premenstrual syndrome, or PMS, is a group of symptoms that start one to two weeks before your period. Most women have at least some symptoms of PMS, and the symptoms go away after their periods start. For some women, the symptoms are severe enough to interfere with their lives. They have a type of PMS called premenstrual dysphonic disorder, or PMDD.

Symptoms
Breast swelling and tenderness
Acne
Bloating and weight gain
Pain - headache or joint pain
Food cravings
Irritability, mood swings, crying spells, depression

Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) (historically called PMT or Premenstrual Tension) is a collection of physical, psychological, and emotional symptoms related to a woman's menstrual cycle. While most women of child-bearing age (about 80 percent) have some Premenstrual symptoms, [1] women with PMS have symptoms of "sufficient severity to interfere with some aspects of life". [2] Such symptoms are usually predictable and occur regularly during the two weeks prior to menses. The symptoms may vanish after the menstrual flow starts, but may continue even after the flow has begun.

For some women with PMS, the symptoms are so severe that they are considered disabling. This form of PMS has its own psychiatric designation: premenstrual dysphonic disorder (PMDD).

Let’s talk about this…. Did you ever notice that your girlfriend or wife going crazy, insane on certain times of the month.
For example: just your presence can irritate them
Everything is wrong; everything you do is wrong
They are tired, and very irritable
They want to eat, fast food, or candy
Did you sometimes think: what is going on? Why she is complaining me for everything? How she is so need? Why she is so insecure? I didn’t nothing to her, so why she is after me???
Make the count and discount
How? Easy; PMS comes 10 before of the fact, and that’s why is called premenstrual. If you become aware of the day that starts PMS then you can handle better with that, because this time you are aware that is PMS talking and not her.
Mine starts at 10 of each month, so therefore I spend 10 days hating people, irritable, and everything is too much. Seams like with the age are become worse. It’s really, and is a problem. The bad news is that happen every month, the good news is just for 10 days.
What Else PMS Stands For:

Psychotic Mood Shift
Pass My Shotgun
Perpetual Munching Spree
Puffy Mid-Section
People Make Me Sick
Provide Me with Sweets
Pardon My Sobbing
Pimples May Surface
Pass My Sweatpants
Pissy Mood Syndrome
Plainly Men Suck
Pack My Stuff
Permanent Menstrual Syndrome

Author Unknown





Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One !!
ONE !! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE ??? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out!

And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS.

But if they did ... by some miracle ... actually find the light bulbs... TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT !!

AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN ... !? WHY ?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE !! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE !! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS ...

I'm sorry ... what did you ask me?

Author Unknown





The Hormone Hostage

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Have some more chocolate.

Author Unknown





PMS SOS

If I could be painted, I would be yellow as in "caution" or better yet, "watch out."

That�s because I am under the influence of PMS.

Yes, premenstrual syndrome has once again taken over my brain and turned me into a monster. Small animals and children should not be allowed around me. Men should cringe in the corner. Expect to hear me yelling back at the television because I will disagree with everything said.

I would dearly love to run away from myself but I can�t figure out how.

It�s a woman thing but it affects all who come near. It�s really quite scary and magnificent all at the same time.

I�ve tried all of the remedies: vitamins A through Z, exercise, bright lights. If I could walk until I calmed down, I�d be halfway to Brazil by now.

Chocolate helps. In fact, I already placed an order with See�s for a two-pound custom mix. I made sure to include enough decoy pieces to distract the children so I can eat the good pieces myself.

Lynetteisfunny.com





Notice To Our Significant Others!

Q: What can I do to end the havoc created every 28 days?
A: Absolutely nothing.

Q: Will it ever end?
A: Sure, but you'll be so old you won't notice.

Q: Why is it that I'm wrong so much during this awful time?
A: You just are, cope with it. Someone must bear the blame.

Q: Can I just pack up and go out with the boys?
A: Only if you are heavily insured and have a death wish.

Q: What should I do to cope with this?
A: Glad you asked ... take notes ...

1. Pamper your woman! Shower her with love and affection.

2. Duck (a lot).

3. Let her vent. Remember, she probably doesn't mean it.

4. If #3 does not apply, you deserve every bit of it ... don't whine.

5. Making dinner will lessen the trauma, take note: Burnt biscuits will only add to your pain ... Order out.

6. Speak only when spoken to. Limit your replies to: "Yes, of course you're right darling" and "those jeans never fit better."

7. Educate yourself on the magic pills your loved one prefers, keeping them on hand is a bonus point for you.

8. Keep small children (and other helpless creatures) out of the path,
keeps the casualties to a minimum.

9. Gifts and "shiny" tokens of affection are advised, just remember these words:
Bloomingdales, Macys & Spiegel.

10. Always remember, you are against something way beyond your power.

Author Unknown





10 Ways To Know If You Have PMS ...

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.

3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

5. You're using your cell phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says, "How's my driving call 1-800 ..."

6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male

8. You're counting down the days until menopause.

9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

Author Unknown





A Study

A study in Wisconsin showed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle.

For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

And if she is menstruating she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a bat jammed up his butt while he is on fire.

Further studies are expected.

Author Unknown





It's been determined that it's a bad idea to give chocolate to a woman with PMS. It can worsen the condition.

However, it's an even WORSE idea to try to take AWAY chocolate from a woman with PMS.

Author Unknown





How can you tell which bottle in your medicine cabinet contains the PMS medicine? It's the one with bite marks on the cap. DUH!!!

Author Unknown





From A Man's Point Of View ...

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to avoid hitting her.

This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and flipped the woman off. "Man, that guy is stupid" I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here's why.

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work, that's 96 miles each day. Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway so if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane. That's 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper to bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day. Statistically, half of these are driven by females, that's 18,000. In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS.That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding. That's 449. According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That's 98. And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing. That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY I drive past at least one female that has ... a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is ARMED!

Smart Man!

Author Unknown





Signs She Has PMS ...

She stops reading Glamour and starts reading Guns and Ammo.

She considers chocolate a major FDA food group.

She puts on one of those pads with "wings," then flies off the roof laughing hysterically while riding a broom.

She's developed a new talent for spinning her head around in 360 degree circles.

She retains more water than Lake Superior.

She denies she's in a bad mood as she pops a clip into her semiautomatic and "chambers one."

She buys you a new T-shirt ... with a bulls-eye on the front.

You ask her to please pass the salt at the dinner table and she says,"All I ever do is give, give, give! AM I SUPPOSED TO DO EVERYTHING?"

She enrolls in the Lizzie Borden School of Charm.

She orders 3 Big Macs, 4 large fries, a bucket of Chicken McNuggets, and then mauls the manager because they're out of Diet Coke.

Author Unknown





"Women complain about pre-menstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."

-Roseanne Barr





My greatest fear is there is no such thing as PMS and this is really my personality!

Author Unknown