Letting go may be one of the hardest things that we do in life.
Give to the care of God, and give it to the universe, when deep inside i want to control, i want to know, i want answers, i want to keep feeling it.
The sad part, and this is what i call co-dependency, is when i even want to feel the bad part, and feel the rejection.
When i am willing to feel rejection, because i want to keep feel the uncertainly of :
“ maybe; if; we could; i can; sometimes; possible; impossible; be or not to be”
is really that what i want?
Is really that what i need?
Is really that what i want to feel?
I don't know what to do! I just don't know! Today someone told me " seams like is the first time that you don't know what to do...
You look sad and vulnerable.
Is that hard for you to let go, and not try to control?
Seams like this is the real you, not selfish, but kind
I just can't walk into people life and try to make them feel what I would like them to feel.
How would be waking up by side of someone, looking at that someone and thinking that person is there because I manipulate everything?
What that would bring?
Would I be happy?
NO!
I would be insecure and live in uncertainly not knowing if that person was with me because likes me or because was manipulated by me.
That would destroy everything because my insecurity would make me have the need of more approval and more manipulation.
This time, for some reason, I just can't do like that.
I'm just tired of the color of my eyes, my beauties, my body, my intelligence to be a way to have power over people.
I'm tired of the power.
I choose today to be accepted, and chosen, by who I real am.
Am I vulnerable? Yes, I am!
Do i like it ? Huhhhhh.......it´s hard, but it´s OK.
I feel naked of masks, hoping the universe will take care of this. Giving into the care of God.
Fears vs reservations - yes, I have it!
Fear of being miss understood
Fear of people think that I don't care
Fear of people end up forgetting that I exist
Fear to loose what I even never had
Fear of not be want and need anymore
Thinking about others instead of what i want sounds better today.
The others have the right to try new food, to try new places, to try new hobbies, to try new jobs, to try new women, to try to have sex with other women, to try live life without schedules, or compromises
they just have the right to leave their life like they want too
the people have the right to live, to grieve, without having someone to entertainment or unstable their feelings
I was talking with a friend of mine yesterday, and I told him:
“ look, this is what i believe – i know men are rational, but even like that, I believe when they finally see what they want, they will go after, and take what they want. I believe they have the courage to do that. Me? I just need to go through this with dignity, and be quite, and see what happen”
My friend reply: but Ivone, you talk like that because your culture is based on kingdom, where prince gets the princess, but does the rest of the world can see, and feel like you do?
No, they can´t! Not that world.
By the way,
Do you guys know how to get ride of flies???
You kill 1, and the others flies will go to the funeral :)
Do you know when you love, and respect someone???
It`s when you let them fly, and give them the freedom to make their own decisions, even they may end up forgetting your existence :(
by the way guys, September already ended.......
.......... and I have to go with the wind.
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