Everything was going just fine until last monday.
I was home ready to sleep and I though about going to facebook webpage. Once there I got an email saying that my mothers house was burning out.
I couldn't believe what I was reading.
I went over there and I got in touch with a very sad picture. The cat was dead. The house was burn and she was ok like if it didn't matter.
She was not in touch with reality and I have doubts if she already is.
I didn't tear apart. Until today I didn't !
Is like I...
Is just wierd how easy I didn't get emotional.
So here I am dealing with this and I DON'T WANT IT!
I just want to run and hide and be very far away.
I keep looking at my mother and have contradictions feelings.
I guess that's why I didn't tear appart or even didn't allow myself to have to.
I look at her and sometimes I feel sorry for her.
Other times I look and a question " how you dare have made me your mother since my young age? "
I wonder when this is going to end and I wonder if I am going to be free ...one day
Isn't fair. But as someone told me " life isn't fair"
But I am so fucking tired of this fair thing!
Were moments that I questioned God!
Hell yeah, why shouldn't I question Him!
Were meoments - may mean guilty of some kind of ofense towards GOD!
Today. I am writing this because I am angry and deeply sad.
I am also scared!
Don't know exactly how to handle with this situation and having my neighbors trying to take her out of there.
I am also scared for my mother.
My head is blowing up.
My boyfriend is working by my side and as handle with this with me, but I am ressenting him and all the world.
You may want to call it self pity. I call it bad luck and hard life.
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