this was ridiculous

So last Wednesday at staff meeting I had become aware that I was circle up, lol
I have these visions and feelings that I don’t know how to explain it, what I know is, I have those.
When I arrived to the unit I felt negativity in the air. Heavy air, silence….
My co worker who does med call and group all the time at Wednesday decided for the first time not to do it.
Also for the first time she didn’t say “hey girl I have so much to tell you; these supervisors they are really stupid with no education”
The only “normal thing she did was, when listening the unit voice mail she made fun how the supervisor talks”
I saw 4 clients who speak at me all the time, acting weird. I saw guilty in their eyes.
But what that told me?
Told me that something was wrong. She had changed her habits!
Soon I found out why at the staff meeting.
Let me tell you first how I act in my life, and this already comes from a long time.
I had lost friends because of that…oh yes, I still remember, but one of the things I am faithful in the places I work.

The faithful comes telling the true all the time.
One day I was working in a company, and I was working with my friends. They have been my friends for 5 years.
They had decided to cheat on the boss and get vacations paid and don’t show up to work anymore. They lied just to get their money.
I lost my friends from 5 years because I reported them.
So that means I can love you but I will report you if you do something very wrong!
So this counselor had decided to steal cigarettes from the clients.
This fact is coming since I worked as a tech in other treatment center. At that time I worked with her and cigarettes were disappearing every day.
The clients reported to me and in staff meeting I said “the clients are saying that you stole cigarettes from them”
Silence………………….. Not a single word.
I didn’t hear “what?????” from her
I dint hear from the supervision “is that true?”
Just silence……………..
So I just let it go.
Next day a client tells me that the counselor called her in and told her:
“Look, you told on me when I gave you a cigarette, and I was just trying to help you”
The client said “but Miss, just asked me, and I had to say the true”
So the counselor closes the office door and reply:
“OK, I just want to let you know that I am going to deny it”
The client says: “so, you are let them think that I am a liar just because you are the counselor?”
ISN’T SAD?
YEAH it is!
So the issue with me was:
I am sarcastic and I made fun of the counselors
I threat people
I use vulgarity as “shit”
Sarcastic - yes I am! I make fun of everything, I make everything fun! I’m funny!
Threat people - I will circle you up if you don’t tell the true”
You wanna leave treatment, then leave, I am ready to make paper work”
If you start acting crazy I will send to core”
If you are sleeping in your room I will call abscond on you”
Vulgarity - yes! I say shit a lot! But, BUT, let me tell you something…the flip side of that is the clients feel comfortable in my groups to say : “ …because crack I had to suck a lot of dicks”
…. I am tired, fuck this…..”
They feel free to express themselves in every way possible. They let out!
See, they know I am the counselor, but they also know I am one of them who don’t try to use the counselor status to pretend that I am this big shit, very good, very perfect person!
They know how unperfected I am! But they also know that is possible to be imperfect and successfully in recovery…and have lots of fun!
The client even know every month that I am with PMS..I Tell them!
Why I tell them??????
Because they are women and I want them to become aware that PMS can be a huge trigger in early recovery…..if they learn how their body works, they will learn how to manage their moods alteration.
Of course I just share with them what I believe is going to help them.
They don’t know much more about me, because they keep saying “you must be, you must do, you seam wild, you appear…”
I allow clients to be who they are with me.
I have clients telling what men asking them to do sexual in order to get drugs. They feel free to share!
Anyway, going back to staff meeting….here I was on the spot for the second time.
Yep second time… when I was working on the cottage D, one counselor decided to gang up the clients on me with authorization with the same supervisor.
I already reported a lot of stuff about other clients, but I never, ever saw that supervisor confronting them…..NEVER saw it.
What I see is the counselors who reject him; he has a need to please them in order to get their acceptance.
Me? He has my full acceptance, so he patronizes me.
My supervisor doesn’t accept the fact I don’t have a sponsor, and I don’t do NA meetings. So that makes him treat me like if I was a client, or a kid.
Look…..I HAVE 11 YEARS IN RECOVERY!!!!
What that means?????
I had spend 8 years having a sponsor….. 9 years doing meetings everyday, and service work…. Hello!!!!!!!!!
I even organized a NA convention in 2000 and something.
Don’t fuck judge me for my last 3 years of 11 years!!!
If you tell me I need therapy, psychodrama…..I will agree right there!
Just pointing out…. I like him a lot, and I know he likes me also, but I don’t like when he acts out with me.
When I do a mistake he has this need to prove my director that I am not what my director thinks that I am.
I don’t know why he wants to prove him that????
Jalousies?
I dint figure out yet, and I don’t want too. Why???
Because my director has a high intelligence and he knows me more than everyone there.
He knows how far I am to become perfect!!!
He knows my weakness and my strengths because I share IT ALL with him.
He even knows the “bad / insane things I do in my life”
So the honesty kicks in and wins!
Why sometimes he so hard for help to see outside of the box???
Why he didn’t realized yet that I don’t need a sponsor because I have my mentor who I share everything and I get help, as in my personal life, and professional life. HELLO!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, my supervisor didn’t get what he wanted for my director so he decided to do his little revenge and move one of my clients to another counselor.
Why that client?
Because he knew was my favorite client, so he tried to hurt me.
Didn’t hurt, because I was able to see how childish that was.
The client was very upset with that. He lies to the client.
He told the client” I am making you ready to go home, and that is why you are leaving Miss Vale caseload”
So this client just now got phase 4. He didn’t even ask her if her family took any classes, so how he is making her ready to go home????
Was a lie.
When I asked him why, he didn’t answer. So no one knows what the true reason was that client was taken from my caseload.
Why? Because is no reason! Was just to hurt me!
I told the client: “look, sometimes counselors they do mistakes. They are not perfect. This wasn’t about you. Was about me!
But let me tell you something; we have something that no one can destroy anymore….. We have trust! We had built a trust relationship with each other, and even if you are not my client that trust will stay!
See, I have favorite clients but I don’t get codependent or freak out.
I know the clients they came to my hands and one day I have to let them go.
I refuse to make clients hostages!
My ego doesn’t freak out when I loose a client.
Here is another reason why.
If you take a client from my caseload I will not be upset…WHY?
Simple, because I look to the all unit has MY CLIENTS!
I help everyone there!!!! I am there for everyone!!!! Not just for my caseload.
My caseload is just the people I have to do individual sessions, and paper work…just that….. They don’t belong to me!
I help all of them; I care about all of them. I am aware of all of them.
If the facility director walks in the unit one of these days and decides to ask me “tell me about the clients one by one” I will be able to give her all the information about each one.
So that why that didn’t affect me so much.
Going back to the topic, so here we have again for the second time 3 or 4 clients who have a resentment with me and my supervisor decides to make that a big thing like if is all the unit!!!!
See, in this field we need to be aware that we have clients that love us, but we also have clients that hate us, and so what???? What is the problem????
Let people choose to like us and hate us. They have that right!
Do you like everyone???? No you don’t! So why clients they need to be different???
Is because you are helping them????? So what?????
You have chosen to help clients without expectations!!!! Hello!!!!!!!!! Shit!
The unit was very upset with the gang up on me, and they shared that feeling Thursday at the morning meeting. Today they made me a surprise by taking me by surprise and sing happy birthday to me, and made me a Mickey Mouse pancake J with chocolate J
Was good!!!
At the end I heard a huge scream “we love you Miss Vale”
NOW, do you know what the sad true on this is?????
Do you know at the end what this tell us????
That counselors USE the resentments of the clients to gang up on the other counselors. They feed that resentment.
One of my clients that the other counselor hates came to me and told me that 1 pack of her cigarettes disappears.
I didn’t feed, or even spoke about the other counselor. I told her:
You wanna complain do it.
She wrote a grievance reporting missing 1 pack of cigarettes.
I just place the grievance in my supervisor box and I am going him to be the one to investigate it. I DO NOT INVESTIGATE IT!
Every time I do he thinks I am chasing counselors!!!! When what I am doing is reporting in order for them to become aware and be able to defend themselves.
Now, do I like investigation????
I love it!!!!!!!!!!
I love to search and think, and find out….I just loves it!!!!!!!!!!!
I would love to be a CSI!!!!!
No, I am not chasing counselors. I just don’t keep secrets with them!
I can love them; I can hate them but I DO NOT WORK FOR THEM!
I work for Wilmut!
If one day someone asks me to betray my director over money, position, lies, power, I WILL RESIN!
I am faithful to my director. Why? Because what he has done for me is bigger than lies, power, money, status, lies.
He believes in me, even when I don’t believe in myself.
He gives me his hand and stands me up, when I fall
He tells me to keep going when I want to give up
He sees in me what I even don’t see in myself
And because of that I will say the true and nothing but the true so help me God! lol

NOW............... what is better that an orgasm?????
at this time of my life, this is, lol