Making a balance

Making a balance
This year was very rich in experience; I even don’t know where to start.
I went through emotions, change, thoughts, meeting new people, disappointment, happy, insecure, oh well, I am a human being so like everyday I go through emotions.
So let me start for the beginning, and that means my job.
I walk there scare, barely spoke, but I had this huge desire to save life’s, and be known as one of the best counselors. I was told that I was a good counselor, and yes, I believe that I help to change some lives. At this moment I am going through a new phase in counseling.
I dont understand very well this phase, and what is happening. I am become more and more detached. Before I would go home and think about the clients. Today doesn’t happen. A client had become just a client. If I like it, noooo, I don’t!
I was more motivated when I was trying to save the world, lol
I am calming down. I still feel their pain, but isn’t like before.
I met my mentor, the one I chosen to call the mentor. Very grateful for that.
Why I choose him? Because he is very intelligent, and he is very different of me, so therefore had become a role model. Someone I want to be like.
Some people didn’t like that, and the envy kick in. funny because I can see that in their eyes, but they think that I can’t, or I don’t know.
I am grateful for my job, because I still love what I do, and they welcome me here very well.
He had become like a big brother, like a brother that every sister would like to have.
About my ex relationship.
Yeah, I met a few, but they had become overtime. Today I had become too intelligent to them. When I say that is because I meet men where I become ahead of them. They are too obvious. Lost children were what I met.
I keep looking for a brilliant man. Someone who will be a role model.
What I meet are people with broken hearts…. Broken children
Funny I met them after 15 days I got to go, lol
They just don’t make sense to me.
They don’t listen, because they keep telling me what they think I want to hear, and they forget that I am a counselor and I can find out what I need to know just looking at the way they talk, sit, walk, and behave.
I don’t bother too much about it like I did before, because today I really don’t care

Is still important to show the client I am right?
Is still important to proof them I am right?
Is still important to let them know that they cannot make fool of me, and I am ahead of them?
Nahhhhhhhhh. Is not any more!
For some reason isn’t!
Before I would chase them trying to proof I was right. I would be confronting them all the time, I would argue, I would trying to get others approval to make my point valid.
All of that was just a waste of energy. Client will keep doing what they do.
I am just a recovery cable. I am just the one who puts the seed. Is all I am. No more any less
I kind of miss my motivation, I was more energenetic. This new state kinda makes me sleepy, lol
I don’t know if this is normal, or I am become a bad counselor.
The clients keep saying that I should be a therapist, and go private because I am brilliant, so I am been still doing something right.
I changed units and I met nice and young people I work with. We work well together and also we have fun.
The dream interpretation girl relapsed after 3 days out of treatment.
More like her will come, and I will be here.
I miss my mother, and I have been asking to god to not let her die before I see her again.
She is been crying a lot on the phone saying that she misses me, and that breaks my heart.
I really need to go there, but is hard for me to let my dogs here.
I got bronquites, because the way I smoke. Now I have this new disease, because another addiction.
My mother yesterday told me for the first time that I was diagnosing with asthma when I was a child. Look at this, after 36 years is when she tells me that!
Anyway, is been hard to cure this stuff and because I was a heroin addict, I don’t have tolerance to physical pain..
Thank you all for reading me.
I hope this 2009 will make me a better person, and a better counselor.
I also wish stop smoking, and find a decent guy.
I want to see my mother, and my country.
I want my dogs keep healthy, and I want to keep everything I have.
I want to be clean, live and enjoy life without using drugs.