A letter to the slick and devious

So today I went to work and I was feeling horrible. The only thing I had on my mind was that I couldn’t breath right because the cold, nothing else nothing more. I asked to the senior coordinator how were the things in these last days, like I normal do just to be update. She couldn’t give me a straight answer, and she was looking down, not facing me. She kept avoiding the question and then she told me to ask to other client. So I called the other client, and I didn’t understand what was going on. So the client said: well, all the clients got mad because the smoke ban and they decided to complain, and then your co worker asked them to line up, and go to your office. Once in your office she asked what they feel about you, and told them to write down. Then she said that the supervisor was coming to meet us, in order for us to complain. She asked us how you act in group, how you act in individual sessions. One of the clients was the instigator, she and her counselor. The client is mad at me because I took her budge twice for breaking the rules. One of the times she went outside to smoke without staff authorization. In that day I told her that once she leaves the cottage without authorization that can be considerate abscond.
Her counselor came and gave her the badge back, and I was surprise. Then after a few days we found out that she was borrowing cigarettes, and she would follow people begging for cigarettes. I took her badge again. I went to training and she decided that was the perfect time to instigate / gang up, people on me. Why? Because some of them were mad because they were on smoke ban. She succeeds!!! With help of her counselor. I even without been there I can picture my co worker acting as a rescue ranger, with her drama queen way. Oh my God lets save the world!!! I knew it was a power issue going on with her. For some reason she wants to run something. What she wants? I know what I want, BUT I am not going to tell her and that why I am writing here.
What I want to tell her:
- Why you doing this? Do you think that will give you a supervision status? NO IT WONT, and the reason why are people like you and me will not get higher position because we are too dramatic, and our director can like us but will not want to have drama around him. So Let me tell you who will get what you want, will be those two young ladies from unit E, because they are calm and not drama queens. So stop fucking with me and leave me alone because I am not a threat to you.
- You fucking ignorant, don’t you see what you did could make me loose my license???
- You come here with all this food to manipulate everyone, acting as mommy, smiling on our face, and fucking us from behind. Do you really think I don’t see your game? But I don’t give a shit about your game, what I want is you to leave me the fucking alone.
- you are a fraud, telling you are not an addict, and then I see stuff around who tells me you went to NA world convention. You act as an addict, you fucking stupid.
- What do you want? You want to have my wisdom? Fuck go to treatment and you will have it.
- You betrayed me, and I just trust once. You get everything of me, until the day you betrayed me. Once you betrayed me, and I see you are fake, you are done with me.
- By the way, I don’t like when you tell the director that he is a mess when he is talking about himself. You are a fucking mess not him.
- You want to be the queen go ahead, you don’t have life, have you
- Just for today I hate you so much you fucking bitch
- What was the part you dint see that they were mad because I did lock search and I put them on smoke ban??? You fucking ignorant.
- you keeping doing all this overtime pretending that you care when the true is that you just think about money.
- do you know how many times they came to me telling me that you never have time for them, and you don’t help them on individual sessions? Can you picture if I would react like you did? I won’t! You fucking sick
- And yes, I have a anger problem, but wasn’t the case in this situation, they were mad because the contraband
- and yes, cottage D is keeping contracts with each others and you fucking smart cant see it. Can you see now???? If they were holding their selves accountable this would never happen????
- did you that your brilliant client called name to one of my clients when she refused to talk bad about me??? So what do you fuck think about it? Hum?
- For now one I will maintain professionalism with you. I will not trust you but I will continue to respect you. Why? Isn’t because of you, is because I own that to myself and to our director, because if was just you I wouldn’t give a shit.

Well, since I wrote this I am feeling betters. They always say that when we write what we feel that everything is going to be better. It’s funny because one of my arguments in the training I had was when I said: they are not criminals! They are just lost children. Everyone laugh on my face, and I got mad. Now I understand why. I keep having these clients who have an anti social behavior… instigate and then lay back watching the chaos. One of them left last Tuesday, and I thought was over. But now we have another one.
I had one client that her complain was because I don’t let her to do step 4 with her sponsor!!! I had people trying to make me sign blind the phase change. I realized that is what also this is about. They want to change phase, and they thought that the borrowing and leading will make them to not change phase. I saw all of them today worry about it. They couldn’t stop talking about it. What I see? At this moment I see a cottage holding contacts and making time. No one believes me, and is ok; I will wait for them to see it. I have JSO people who don’t find jobs because they know that her probation officer will let them leave without a job. 7 already left without a job, and next week another one is leaving without a job. They only problem is going to lunch together, throw in garbage the treatment food, and make phone calls to UK to boyfriends they never saw. Job? For what? I have that guy who I never saw who I am writing to who send me propriety, and I will go live with. Is a senior coordinator who doesn’t have the control of the family because fears them, and she will be what they want her to be. We have one of the status team who just gang up on of the counselors. So what is the worry??? So they still are wondering why I did lock search???? Hello!!!!!!!!
What I am going to do:
Work, work, and work. Do my best. Do what I need to do.
What I am not going to do:
I am not engage in conversations with clients anymore. I will do what they taugh me in the training. I will avoid conversations because they want to talk to take the control over me. They want to know my weakness in order to manipulate. Like my mentor on day said: we need to be one step ahead of them.
What I am going to do with my co worker:
Nothing! I will be professional. I will stick with my new QCC because I already realized he has something to teach.
I just can’t realize what I am doing wrong to have my co workers feel so free to gang on me. Why is so easy from them? I am doing something wrong. Maybe I am being so nice to them. Maybe I talk too much about me. I don’t know. People say they feel jealousies about me.
What is weird on that day the other co worker who left the cottage was there with her in that day. hum!!!!!!!

proposal

Proposal

I am writing because when I speak doesn’t come out right, because my self esteem.
I would like to do house ban intervention. Let me explain. I would like to be the one who goes to a unit or cottage for 1 week to intervene, and recovery a house ban.
I woke up at 2.30am of this morning thinking about it (maybe was because the ginseng, lol).
Plan:
1 -The first day would be to create a trust relationship between clients.
a) I would put together the ones, who don’t connect with each other, and I would take them to their routes, childhood routes, and at the end I would proof them that they are not so different like the thought they would.
a) Using our method at afternoon I could do CD Education. Explaining them about addiction, and addictive personality, and open the floor for questions. I would put them participating and discovering. I would start motivation therapy, and made them feel productive members.
2 – Second day, I would sit in the circle with them and they would spend the morning doing grieve letters, and processing them. Would be a morning about grieve, and they would be working all morning by writing their grieve letters
a) At afternoon they would go through the orientation packet

3 – Third day, we would go through behavior modification. How? Simple; through childhood they would become aware why they behave like they do. For example:
a) If they parents were drug addicts, that means the clients had become survivors. They learned form young age to take care of themselves, so now they have the I DON’T CARE, WHO ARE YOU? Behavior
b) Because they were lost child they had growing up with the need to belong to somewhere, or something = gangs
c) Because they were so poor, they had become drug dealers because they were ashamed of their poor childhood.
d) would be ask to some of them who are the ones who keep coming back here, or jail, and would be explain that for some reason (childhood) we counselors and guards had become the parents they never had. They would understand that they do that without having a conscience that they made us the parents.
e) I would do relapse prevention, and once again I would open the floor for questions, and have them to participate (building them up)
At afternoon go through orientation packet
4 – Fourth day
a) Identify shame
b) Identify codependency
c) Doing written assignments, and having them processing through http://www.coping.org/growth/content.htm
At afternoon orientation packet, questions, answers and solutions

5 – Fifth day
a) Anger management resolution – I think, I feel, I react
b) Written exercises on “what I want be when I grow up?”
What I want to do with my life?
What dreams do I have?
b) family group ( issue, solution) commitment to their behavior in treatment
d)orientation packet, job duties, responsibilities
NOW…. Building them back. How? Simple, have them to do what that population do best … organize a dance presentation to you and Chris. The afternoon of the 5th day would be to make auditions, and choose the music.
6 – sixth day – morning group, about: how I am feeling now? What I learned?
b) Dance training
7 – Seventh day – a) plan of action
b) Dance training
8 – Eighth day – presentation to staff: dance, and what I learned, what I compromise to do, plan of action

OK. What I would like to do is house ban intervention; make them come together as a family. During that week I would be working at the cottage D also. I would clock in at 6.30am and be at cottage D until 9.00am and then clock out at 5pm and come back to the cottage to work 1 hour for free with them.
Doing intervention means sit with them during that time and work with them. Being present!
Even if a week is not acceptable, I can do it on my days off for free. I believe that I can make a difference, and I just need one shot to proof is will work or not.
Let me know ,lol

is just an ideia

when the gang men starts and the children ends

Today I revisited, through a video, a neighborhood in Lisbon. A place marked by struggle — where survival often takes harsh shapes and where many young lives have been swallowed by the streets. Watching it again reminded me not only of how far I’ve come, but also of how crucial it is to keep showing up for those still trapped. Now based in Dallas, TX, I work as a counselor in a Judicial Treatment Center that holds a contract with the Dallas Jail. Recently, I was urgently called to support one of our residential units. The situation was serious. The unit had been taken hostage by gang members. No one could go in, and no one could get out. The police were outside with dogs, surrounding the building. But instead of launching a full intervention, my mentor — the center’s director — had a different idea: “Call Ivone. Let her go in.” When I walked through the door, I immediately felt it. The energy was tense, charged. The men sat in silence, but it wasn’t the silence of calm — it was the silence of control. Their posture, their eyes, their stillness… Everything screamed resistance and power. They stared me down. One even asked: “Why are you here?” I kept moving forward. And I asked for a therapy group session. As we sat in a circle, I observed carefully. I could see who had influence, who others looked to for cues. I found the leader. So I turned to him and said, “Tell me about your childhood.” He looked at me coldly and said, “I’m not going to talk.” I felt the air shift. For a moment, I was thrown off. But I also knew — sometimes the breakthrough isn’t in pushing harder… it’s in meeting someone where they stand. I leaned in gently and said, “But I’m asking you for help. That’s why I asked you to go first — because as a man, as the protector, I know you're capable of leading others into something deeper.” It worked. He started talking. And within three minutes, he was crying. His voice cracked. His walls fell. And just like that, the group dynamic began to shift. One by one, the other men began to share. Stories of lost childhoods. Pain. Trauma. That gang atmosphere? It started dissolving into something human. Something honest. And all I could think was: How had this gone unnoticed for so long? How had no one stepped in before it got this far? I've always believed transformation begins with presence — with truly seeing people beyond their hardened surfaces. If more staff were present — fully present — they’d notice the patterns. They’d see who is connected to whom. They’d sense which loyalties are still active in silence. When I work with individuals from gang backgrounds, I challenge the outer behaviors — the way they walk, talk, hold themselves. These aren’t just habits. They’re armor. And if we want healing to happen, we have to make room for something else: Vulnerability. That day, I remembered something my mentor once told me — a tool I now believe is essential. Each man should call home and ask their family to send photos. Photos of themselves as children. Photos of their own kids, if they have any. And I would have them wear those images around their neck. Why? Because they currently see each other as gang members. I want them to start seeing each other as lost children. To reconnect with the innocence that once existed — and maybe still lives deep inside, waiting. Wearing that photo would make many of them deeply uncomfortable. And that’s exactly the point. Discomfort is the first crack in the mask. That’s where truth seeps in. Because before they were gangsters, they were children. And many of them still are — just hiding, hurting, searching for something to hold on to. They don’t need to keep proving they’re tough men. They need help remembering the child they’ve forgotten. That’s where healing begins. 04/09/2008 (Revisited, remembered, and still relevant.)

Good movies and Bad movies

Excellent Moive, lol


Good






boring








boring. just liked that she was having sex with one of the Baldwins, lol







kinda funny






bad movie. didnt like anything






Excelent movie! excellent end!!!







Good movie. I liked the way she loved him

well

I don’t understand why is so important to run something. I don’t understand why some of my co workers are trying to do the supervisors work. Why is so important to them??? What they win with that??? Why is so hard to understand isn’t their place to run. We are counselors, and we are here to help people and not to run anything. We have our supervisor, and directors to run. They are the leaders not us!
So last week one of my supervisors told to a client she should have a hang tight. The counselor decided to go agnaist him, and told the client she doesn’t need a hang tight, and he didn’t care about what the supervisor said. Hello!!!!!!!! What?????? Is this world crazy??? So we spend our days telling clients that they should follow staff directive, and if they don’t they will be pull up for gross disrepect and fronting off. Then the clients see staff doing that to their supervisors, so can some one explain to me how they are going to respect them???? Do they trust them??? Do they respect it??? Of course not! So today, what happened? I came to work and I found a house split in 2. Why? Because one of the counselors didn’t accept the changes that they are making in facility, so she decided to feel sorry about the others who came to this cottage, and rescue them by putting them in status team. The cottage made everything they could to welcome them very well, and then one of them says that this cottage is chaotic. After the chaotic word they were put in status team, and of course the rest of them felt attack, betrayed. So I had to call my director and fix the problem (power problem). She spoke with me I told me the client felt embarece by me when I told her that she didn’t have the right to say what she said about her sisters, and she manipulated to be in status team.
I said that was true and I explained to the other counselor that shouldn’t happen, because we were splitting family. Our job is to bring them together. I explained her feelings they felt when they saw the other sisters in status family. Like I said before betrayed, and attack. The counselor circule them up, and told them that what happened was their fault, and the other cottage was better than our cottage. When she said that I left, and yes, I did to make my point. That hurtled them. Why is so hard to say “I am sorry I ran in self will yesterday” why is so hard to apologize to the client??? Why???
I don’t have any problem to apologize to a client when I have to. That is what I call a trust relationship between client and counselor. The clients complain about they don’t know them. They don’t! It's sad, but true. The funny thing about this is when I am around they go and facilitate the groups, because they know if they don’t do their job like they should I am going to tell my supervisor. My only reason to be in this field is to help people like one day someone helped me. My only ambition is learn, and get certificates, lol. I am not here to run; I am here to try to save one more life. Is good to go home and feel I made the difference. One client asked me why she keeps using drugs, and I told her to talk with her counselor. She reply by saying that her counselor tells her that she needs to share, and is the only thing she can do. For me was weird that answer so I asked her what kind of treatment work she is doing. She said: guilty and shame. She walked away and I went to her chart and there it was…. Treatment work already made up for 6 months. Ok, so now people explain me this… how do I know what a client is going to need in 2 months???? I don’t!
Anyways I am just expressing my frustrations in here. Please, fire me if one day I will become like that anyway I love what I do, and I love to be where I work

the other post i was talking about is 2 posts below this one

Desire to use come with a mask

So today in one of my groups someone told me that one of the girls who is about to leave said: “if I get a help note just mail it to me”. I told her to write in boar what she just said and sign her name. Of course I did that for her to be ashamed of what she did. She also was saying that she never had a Peer evaluation, so I decided to give her the first one, lol.
I do peer evaluation often with my clients because for me is a way they have to see how their recovery is going. Is another way to make them aware through her peers. When I started the P.E. I just wanted to make her aware of she needs to work on when she leaves….but then, everything changed, and I wasn’t expecting.
At the end of her peer’s evaluation I asked her if she was still dating the guy she used drugs. She said she was. Then I asked her if he is going to NA and she said that he was but she wasn’t in love with him anymore.
I asked why? She said that she doesn’t feel anything about him anymore. I asked how long she has been thinking about to break with him, and she said 2 months.
I went to my office and I picked up the phone and I told her: so call him, make a decision while you are still in a safe place. She didn’t call but she said something; she said that she had realized she was still in love for her ex boyfriend. I asked her to tell me who is was, and she said that he is in jail, and they both used drugs together, and he is living jail one week after she leaves treatment. I asked how she knew all this information about him, and she told me that he sends the letters to her mother, and then her mother send the letters to her. The reason they do that is because they cannot receive mail from jail. DISHONESTY/ SECRET = GUILTY = NOT FOCUS IN TREATMENT, or I can go forward on this = TREATMENT IS OVER WHEN I HAVE SECRETS AND LIVE IN DISHONESTY.
Me as a counselor, and an addict, and a love addict I started see red flags all over. Is in these moments I thank God for who I am, even with all this cross addictions that I have is who I am that make me see who my clients probable are. I break down what she was going through. I told her:
You are having a desire to use, and I believe you are making a plan to go use. She was surprise with what I said, and she told me that she didn’t want to use. I told her that I believed in her but I also was going to explain to her how the desire to use comes with a mask.
So let’s break this down:
Her boyfriend was attractive to her while they both were using drugs. Then he starts to going to NA and he isn’t attractive anymore….I believe for her at this time is BORING. So now she wants to go back to her ex boyfriend where she knows that will be possible to start her use with. So this girl is planning to go back to drugs without know that she is doing that. That is what we call a PLAN B = RESERVATIONS.
I looked to another client who also is about to leave, and I asked her if she had a feed back to give to that other client. She replies: why me? Why I have to give her a feed back?? You are doing that because you know I am going through the same, don’t you. I said: YES! What do you think she should do?
She said: stay away from him. And with that you just made me realized that my feed back is also for me.
I wonder sometimes what my co workers are doing to not see this, and do some intervention before they leave. Well, I am powerless over them, but I am not powerless over me, and doesn’t really matter if they are or not my caseload. What matters is I will help, and I will do intervention, because at the end of the day I know I did the right thing and I tied to save a life.
At the end of my shift she came to me and she said: thank you so much, and I told her to be careful, and be wise. I told her: even if you fall, just stand up again, and move on.

The most beautiful movie I ever saw

Can we call it success?

Successful treatment

First of all I want to say thank you to my mentor because I am back again on track writing about what I like. Thank you for bring me again to sanity.
Now, let’s talk about successful treatments.
I was doing a group on anger management, and we were having fun. Then one of the clients started saying that she was mad. I asked her why she was mad. She said she didn’t know. I asked her gain why she was mad, and she answers the same. Then I told her: you need to tell me what is going on with you, because if you don’t I am going to think you are just asking for attention. She finally said she was frustrated with the rules of Cornell. I felt myself become defensive, but them I thought: this is not about you, is about her.
I told her to give me specific examples on what she is frustrated about. She said:
- I am frustrated certain staff works in different ways
- I am frustrated because some people follow the rules and others don’t
I asked her: what do you think about the word MAYBE?
She said: what??? The word MAYBE???
Yes, tell me what you think about the word MAYBE. Let me give you an example; when you want to date someone and the person answers to you maybe, or don’t know what you do?
She said: I forget. I leave.
Then I asked her: so, tell me who are you?
That took her awhile to answer, and the only thing she said was:
I am nice
Proud = control
Funny = control
Being proud is a way to control emotions. Funny is a way to control emotions and people.
I asked her: why do you want to control me? Why do you think I am going to reject you?
Her body had a reaction. Her body language just changed, and she was very surprise with my question, like if was a ridiculous question.
I don’t want to control you.
Yes you want to. Why?
No I don’t!
Come on, yes you want to.
Everyone was confuse, and they couldn’t understand where I was going with all this questions, but I saw in their faces that they knew I was going to somewhere with that, and was coming out something cool.
So I broke down in peaces what I was talking about… and this was what I told her:
Look, do you remember when you told us that you made a treatment before and you were a role model there? Do you remember you told us that you followed all the rules and regulations, and everyone was happy with you? Then you went back and use.
You are doing the same thing in here. You are doing the same mistakes.
The reason that you don’t like the word MAYBE is because that word puts you in a position that you can not control. Is exactly the same you feel with the word CERTAIN PEOPLE?
You have been spending your time figure out the counselors, because once you figure they out you will be safe, because you will know how to move around them. Once you are safe you will not get their attention.
In this house you put yourself in a position of the one who resolves conflict, who resolves house issues. You put yourself in that position to avoid conflict, and to avoid help notes.
You are spending your time controlling me, when you should be spending your time to know me. While you are trying to control me you will never be safe, because you don’t have a chance to know me as a person. You do that outside also. You spend you time controlling and then you don’t create relationships based on intimacy. You become disconnected wit people. This will make you not have fun in recovery, and then you go back to use again. I am not trying to tell you to stop be a control freak, I am just trying to tell you to have the wisdom to know when, and where you need to be in control.
So, I am going to invite you to think about this. One of the things I need you to think about is to stay out of the status team for a week. The status team is putting in a control position. I want you to know both sides, because once you know both sides you can decided and have the wisdom to know let it go.
For example; you can have that control when you are outside working. There you can be a role model, a perfectionist. At home, and in NA you can become the simple human be, the one whom sometimes needs help to. The one who can connect with people.
If you continue to put yourself in just one position, the only people who are going to meet will be emotional vampires.At the end I told her she should want have spiritual success, and not treatment success.

Client vampire

We have this client who keeps trying to feel what she doesn’t feel. She tries to impress counselors, with her amazing feelings. She was the queen today. She finally got some attention, and she spent her day on that. What normally would bring shame and guilty, to her was the best thing happen to her. She is what I call an emotional vampire (taker). She realized a long time ago that treatment centers are her geographic. Do you remember the time we changed places, people and things, just to get a vacation from drugs, and get strong to go back to use? Yep, this is what she does with treatment centers. Is sick, but is her reality. Normal people when they are tired they go on vacation. They go to places, or spas. They normal go to places where they know they will be taking care of, and they don’t have to work much. She goes to treatment. I have been telling her since her first month there. When she gets tired of using drugs, she decided to go to treatment, and that she is in control. She was, until she met me, lol, I told her the truth about herself, and now she is aware and she got a conscience. She is in control because she already knows how to move in treatment. She knows that sometimes she needs to share; she knows that sometimes she needs to give identification; she knows that sometimes she needs to cry, she knows that the only thing she has to do is her bed, and clean something else. BUT, she made a mistake….she lost the control when she becomes need for attention. Then she goes into contradiction, and she doesn’t have enough knowledge to keep one personality at the time. She became frustrated, because she didn’t give to my mentor the answer she thought would be the best. So I told her: why you don’t just say the truth, your true. Her truth is: she doesn’t care about their children. They children are with her parents, and for her this is the best thing that can happen, because she can have the guys around her, and sleeping with her. The only thing that is important to her is been skinny, in order to get body attention, and then be able to have sex. Once she gets the sex, then she becomes an emotional vampire. She will take from you what she wants, not what she needs because her ego doesn’t let her know what she needs. Because she needs so much attention, she will find another way to get their attention by vomiting.....at the end, her last attention is always the same - drugs.
She does the same in treatment. First she had become the mature one. Very well spoke, very honest, telling everything about her past, waiting for the role model attention. Then, she doesn’t get that attention she wants, so she starts vomit. She realized that will make us give her attention. Then comes with all this guys who she tried to go on pass, and tried to make them buy her cigarettes. Finally she deviated…another form to get attention.
I figured her out, on her first phone call that she made during her assessment. She called this guy and said: Hi how are you? I miss you so much; do you have a pen with you? So this is what I need to you to buy me”
That was enough for me. I still remember like it was today. I told her to stop faking that she feels. She is to busy with her ego, and with what she wants, to even have emotions for others.
Self pity syndrome. Too busy looking for what she wants; she even can see the poor homeless guy on the Conner of the street. She spends her day on the mirror looking to her body, but never to her face. She is the kind of client she would have one sister crying near of her, and she would be looking to the mirror thinking: I am too fat! I understood I had become aware of whom she is, I told her exactly what I wrote, but I couldn’t do anything. Her ego was stronger than me, and was nothing I could have done. Is I this time I think: time to let her go! I saw also a few weeks ago, a little light on her, when I saw her trying to be like me. She was on the board writing, and talking like me. Yes, because her ego, she is looking for a reference, an identity. She challenge men, but she respects women, and tries to get what they have that she doesn’t. But the guys are just a challenge. Guys are people, who she knows she has the control over. Illusion, is what she wants.
It doesn’t matter if you are a man, or a lesbian, or a rock, she is an emotional vampire, and she will plan to seduces you. She will be watching you, to find your weakness, and then she will bite you and suck your blood. But like a vampire she would never be satisfied, so she would be walking around looking for more victims. The sad truth on this is she is her own victim.
She is a victim of her ego. She is her own vampire.

PMS - COUNT THE DAYS AND DISCOUNT

My opinion will be bellow this

Premenstrual syndrome, or PMS, is a group of symptoms that start one to two weeks before your period. Most women have at least some symptoms of PMS, and the symptoms go away after their periods start. For some women, the symptoms are severe enough to interfere with their lives. They have a type of PMS called premenstrual dysphonic disorder, or PMDD.

Symptoms
Breast swelling and tenderness
Acne
Bloating and weight gain
Pain - headache or joint pain
Food cravings
Irritability, mood swings, crying spells, depression

Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) (historically called PMT or Premenstrual Tension) is a collection of physical, psychological, and emotional symptoms related to a woman's menstrual cycle. While most women of child-bearing age (about 80 percent) have some Premenstrual symptoms, [1] women with PMS have symptoms of "sufficient severity to interfere with some aspects of life". [2] Such symptoms are usually predictable and occur regularly during the two weeks prior to menses. The symptoms may vanish after the menstrual flow starts, but may continue even after the flow has begun.

For some women with PMS, the symptoms are so severe that they are considered disabling. This form of PMS has its own psychiatric designation: premenstrual dysphonic disorder (PMDD).

Let’s talk about this…. Did you ever notice that your girlfriend or wife going crazy, insane on certain times of the month.
For example: just your presence can irritate them
Everything is wrong; everything you do is wrong
They are tired, and very irritable
They want to eat, fast food, or candy
Did you sometimes think: what is going on? Why she is complaining me for everything? How she is so need? Why she is so insecure? I didn’t nothing to her, so why she is after me???
Make the count and discount
How? Easy; PMS comes 10 before of the fact, and that’s why is called premenstrual. If you become aware of the day that starts PMS then you can handle better with that, because this time you are aware that is PMS talking and not her.
Mine starts at 10 of each month, so therefore I spend 10 days hating people, irritable, and everything is too much. Seams like with the age are become worse. It’s really, and is a problem. The bad news is that happen every month, the good news is just for 10 days.
What Else PMS Stands For:

Psychotic Mood Shift
Pass My Shotgun
Perpetual Munching Spree
Puffy Mid-Section
People Make Me Sick
Provide Me with Sweets
Pardon My Sobbing
Pimples May Surface
Pass My Sweatpants
Pissy Mood Syndrome
Plainly Men Suck
Pack My Stuff
Permanent Menstrual Syndrome

Author Unknown





Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One !!
ONE !! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE ??? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out!

And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS.

But if they did ... by some miracle ... actually find the light bulbs... TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT !!

AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN ... !? WHY ?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE !! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE !! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS ...

I'm sorry ... what did you ask me?

Author Unknown





The Hormone Hostage

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Have some more chocolate.

Author Unknown





PMS SOS

If I could be painted, I would be yellow as in "caution" or better yet, "watch out."

That�s because I am under the influence of PMS.

Yes, premenstrual syndrome has once again taken over my brain and turned me into a monster. Small animals and children should not be allowed around me. Men should cringe in the corner. Expect to hear me yelling back at the television because I will disagree with everything said.

I would dearly love to run away from myself but I can�t figure out how.

It�s a woman thing but it affects all who come near. It�s really quite scary and magnificent all at the same time.

I�ve tried all of the remedies: vitamins A through Z, exercise, bright lights. If I could walk until I calmed down, I�d be halfway to Brazil by now.

Chocolate helps. In fact, I already placed an order with See�s for a two-pound custom mix. I made sure to include enough decoy pieces to distract the children so I can eat the good pieces myself.

Lynetteisfunny.com





Notice To Our Significant Others!

Q: What can I do to end the havoc created every 28 days?
A: Absolutely nothing.

Q: Will it ever end?
A: Sure, but you'll be so old you won't notice.

Q: Why is it that I'm wrong so much during this awful time?
A: You just are, cope with it. Someone must bear the blame.

Q: Can I just pack up and go out with the boys?
A: Only if you are heavily insured and have a death wish.

Q: What should I do to cope with this?
A: Glad you asked ... take notes ...

1. Pamper your woman! Shower her with love and affection.

2. Duck (a lot).

3. Let her vent. Remember, she probably doesn't mean it.

4. If #3 does not apply, you deserve every bit of it ... don't whine.

5. Making dinner will lessen the trauma, take note: Burnt biscuits will only add to your pain ... Order out.

6. Speak only when spoken to. Limit your replies to: "Yes, of course you're right darling" and "those jeans never fit better."

7. Educate yourself on the magic pills your loved one prefers, keeping them on hand is a bonus point for you.

8. Keep small children (and other helpless creatures) out of the path,
keeps the casualties to a minimum.

9. Gifts and "shiny" tokens of affection are advised, just remember these words:
Bloomingdales, Macys & Spiegel.

10. Always remember, you are against something way beyond your power.

Author Unknown





10 Ways To Know If You Have PMS ...

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.

3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

5. You're using your cell phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says, "How's my driving call 1-800 ..."

6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male

8. You're counting down the days until menopause.

9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

Author Unknown





A Study

A study in Wisconsin showed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle.

For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

And if she is menstruating she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a bat jammed up his butt while he is on fire.

Further studies are expected.

Author Unknown





It's been determined that it's a bad idea to give chocolate to a woman with PMS. It can worsen the condition.

However, it's an even WORSE idea to try to take AWAY chocolate from a woman with PMS.

Author Unknown





How can you tell which bottle in your medicine cabinet contains the PMS medicine? It's the one with bite marks on the cap. DUH!!!

Author Unknown





From A Man's Point Of View ...

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to avoid hitting her.

This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and flipped the woman off. "Man, that guy is stupid" I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here's why.

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work, that's 96 miles each day. Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway so if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane. That's 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper to bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day. Statistically, half of these are driven by females, that's 18,000. In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS.That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding. That's 449. According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That's 98. And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing. That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY I drive past at least one female that has ... a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is ARMED!

Smart Man!

Author Unknown





Signs She Has PMS ...

She stops reading Glamour and starts reading Guns and Ammo.

She considers chocolate a major FDA food group.

She puts on one of those pads with "wings," then flies off the roof laughing hysterically while riding a broom.

She's developed a new talent for spinning her head around in 360 degree circles.

She retains more water than Lake Superior.

She denies she's in a bad mood as she pops a clip into her semiautomatic and "chambers one."

She buys you a new T-shirt ... with a bulls-eye on the front.

You ask her to please pass the salt at the dinner table and she says,"All I ever do is give, give, give! AM I SUPPOSED TO DO EVERYTHING?"

She enrolls in the Lizzie Borden School of Charm.

She orders 3 Big Macs, 4 large fries, a bucket of Chicken McNuggets, and then mauls the manager because they're out of Diet Coke.

Author Unknown





"Women complain about pre-menstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."

-Roseanne Barr





My greatest fear is there is no such thing as PMS and this is really my personality!

Author Unknown

PORTUGAL

the shopping center I go













SNAILS







AZORES ISLAND OF PORTUGAL



MADEIRA ISLAND THE PORTUGAL



SOUTH OF PORTUGAL


OUR DOCTORS / PHD GRADUATING / SAYING GOOD BYE TO THE DOCTORS CITY, WHERE THEY STUDY TO BE DOCTORS = COIMBRA



SARDINE BARBACUE HUMMMMM



FADO





THE PORTUGUESE FADO QUEEN







OUR KID / BAD BOY

Love conditions

Love conditions

In other day I went to a meeting and I heard “NA gave us love for free”. When I heard that was like I was hearing that for the first time. I thought: why I always have conditions??? Why I always tell people: if you really loved me you wouldn’t acted like you did.
For you to love me you need to….
You should…..
You have to….
Love is supposed to be free, and make us feel free. So why I keep arresting people?
Conditions, is not the same as unconditional. Mothers say: I love my kids unconditional…is false! They still expect them to be what they wish, so the society taught us to leave under conditions, to love with conditions. We had learned that since our existence.
Religion tells us that God just will love us IF we….

Is like with my clients…why sometimes I forgot they are just sick people??? Because sometimes I think: IF you would listen to me this wouldn’t happen. IF, IF

If you really loved me…. When I say IF I am forgetting to see the person like he/she is. I expect perfectionism, because I am forgetting that person is a human be and because of that has limitations, and issues.
The people when they met they follow in love exactly for what they are, and then became a matter of power.
We became blind with I KNOW, YOU DON’T, and IF
We cannot see anything else, the only thing we see is IF.
Does anyone already sat down and thought and look to other one, and thought: who are you? Let me see who you are, and where you are coming from.
What would be perfect? Accept what we chosen for our life, and work with that.
We cannot change people; just love can make that change. We also don’t want the person gets worse, unreachable, so we need to work with what we have, accept what we have, and love what we have because was our decision to be there.
Well I don’t have a clue what I am saying, but is making me sense. 

Liars and Bullshitters

So yesterday I went back to this post, and I thought I could do this. I was scared to be caught, lol. So what I did?
I went to the circle and I said: you better drop contracts because at this time the other one who was moved to other unit is negotiating with staff her chance to be in treatment and not be sending to prison. That means she is telling the entire true, and I already know what is going on, and who has something to drop. I also didn’t let anyone go to K-Crew.
So they started saying: tell the true. Why do you think she is not letting us to go to K-Crew? Because she doesn’t want us to know what the other one is telling over there.
After that they just drop contracts, and saying the entire true. Did Work it!
They just started dropping contracts so fast, that in 10 minutes the bucket had to be drop.
I didn’t know nothing about the other girl, what she is been telling or not. Took me 9 hours to figure out how I would do this, but finally I got it.
so today I did it again.... I waited until lunch time, and then I just went there and I said " we already know the true and the names, we are just waiting for us to drop the contracts, and is taking too long"
they went crazy, and started to drop more contracts..... match shoes, and clothes going on, sex, and Motel going on, milk man, and sex going on.
so this liars and bullshitters really work.

Frustration

What a day today. I came work at 6.30am and everything was about to change.
One of my clients was going to leave in 3 days and she just absconds. Ridiculous hum???
No….. Unfortunally was what I suspected. She is been a prostitute since young age, and she had become an addict to the streets. Is easier to her to go back to the streets than have a job, and a normal life. A normal life for her means prison, the lost of liberty.
Having a job, having a house, having to pay bills is a burn, a prison.
For her walking back and forward the streets is freedom. She uses, she wakes up when she wants to, she lives in the streets, doesn’t have to pay bills. The only way for this happen is going back to use drugs. I tried to give her that freedom by telling to go live with her children. She said she would, but once again, she would be prisoner, by justifying where she goes, what she does.
Sad, but true.
She absconds because she wants the institution takes care of her. Once she is in jail, they will feed her, bath her, and once again she doesn’t need to be responsible.
Everything happen today at work made me look at me. I felt myself vulnerable when I tried to figure out how my supervisor was looking at me. I didn’t say much at staff meeting, and I could see that, so was easy for me to understand I was feeling guilty, and shame…I had become a client to myself. This is the way I am feeling. Is like this week I have the wisdom to others but I don’t have it to myself. I see parts of me on them. All of them have something that I had, or still keep coming back. Wednesday isn’t very good to me. My qcc is over there, and I feel tense, and the environment becomes heavy to me. My CI book is not update since he left on vacation, so I keep feeding this resentment. He is playing games with me, until one of this days he gets a grievance from me, because my book. Anyway, moving on…I am with self pity attitude, witch is the word f… in my mouth.
A probation officer decided to unauthorized me, and that made me mad…. She thinks she knows what the best is for the clients. She doesn’t know shit. She is just too codependent. So I wonder how many she is going to do the same. I just wanted to tell her…F u.
Then a stupid call, asking why we don’t return the phone calls back. Jesus! Then I wanted to say to the director, stop making jokes, because you are not funny, and why are you waiting so long to make my supervisor director??? Then I look to the female who works with me, and I had become suspicious, thinking when I am not there they talk about me, and she is playing double side….. Then I felt “naked” exposed to my supervisor. In this week he knows everything about me. In a week I showed him all my weakness and I kept looking at him like a lost girl. I thought: shit girl, you are too crazy today…angry, paranoid. This is not about them; this is about you, and what you have been doing.
My head is full about to explode. Then I spoke with John, and he didn’t make sense anymore. I am too angry too feel stuff. So then I decided to follow my supervisor suggestion and I went to have dinner by myself. I couldn’t feel anything, because I was to obsess thinking about the woman who abscond, and the other with a cell phone.
I kept wondering: I am behaving like them???? The reason I am thinking this is because I kept talking about freedom this weekend. Point number 2; I kept acting on my sexual part. That is what scared me most.
Is time to make decisions, and maintain it. The way to find peace at this time is making decisions. I need to. I am feeling more anxious; poor listen skills, because I am to obsess with confusion.

I need to make decisions.

I just drove

what is normal?

Taurus / Rat

Being the first sign of the Chinese zodiac, rats are leaders, pioneers and conquerors. ( true. I am a leader not a follower). They are charming, passionate, charismatic, practical and hardworking.( true)strong> Rat people are endowed with great leadership skills and are the most highly organized, meticulous, and systematic of the twelve signs. Intelligent and cunning at the same time, rats are highly ambitious ( true) and strong-willed people who are keen and unapologetic promoters of their own agendas, which often include money and power( maybe that‘s why I have this thing with money). They are energetic (true, some call it ADD, lol )and versatile and can usually find their way around obstacles, ( I always find a way),and adapt to various environments easily. A rat's natural charm and sharp demeanor make it an appealing friend for almost anyone, but rats are usually highly exclusive and selective when choosing friends and so often have only a few very close friends whom they trust. ( in America, just my supervisor, that’s all, no need no more, I think the rest are ignorant people, or I know more than them).

Behind the smiles and charm, rats can be terribly obstinate and controlling, insisting on having things their way no matter what the cost. ( yep).These people tend to have immense control of their emotions, which they may use as a tool to manipulate and exploit others, both emotionally and mentally. Rats are masters of mind games and can be very dangerous, calculative and downright cruel if the need arises.( yep). Quick-tempered and aggressive, they will not think twice about exacting revenge on those that hurt them in any way. Rats need to learn to relax sometimes, as they can be quite obsessed with detail, intolerant and strict, demanding order, obedience, and perfection.
A valuable lesson for Rats is to learn to consider others before themselves, at least sometimes, and to avoid forcing their ideas onto others. Rats are fair in their dealings and expect the same from others in return, and can be deeply affronted if they feel they have been deceived or that their trust has been abused. Sometimes they set their targets too high, whether in relation to their friends or in their career. But as the years pass, they will become more idealistic and tolerant. If they can develop their sense of self and realize it leaves room for others in their life as well, Rats can find true happiness.

According to tradition, Rats often carry heavy karma and at some point in life may face an identity crisis or some kind of feeling of guilt. Rats are said to often have to work very long and hard for everything they may earn or have in life. However, a Rat born during the day is said to have things a bit easier than those who are born at night. Traditionally, Rats born during the night may face extreme hardships and suffering throughout life. Rats in general should guard themselves against hedonism and nostalgia, as it may lead to self-destruction. Gambling, alcohol and drugs tend to be great temptations to Rat natives.Traditionally, Rats should avoid Horses, but they can usually find their best friends and love interests in Monkeys, Dragons, and Oxen.

Professions include espionage, psychiatry, psychology, writing, politics, law, engineering, accounting, detective work, and pathology.
The Rat person is charming and ambitious. They are always busy and seldom able to relax fully. If not, they get bored easily or get bad tempered. They enjoy going to parties or having a quick round of chat.
Rats like to reach their goals by fair play. They are shrewd and not easy to be fooled.

Rats are lively, sociable and easy to get along. They are ambitious and like to see others put in an honest day's work. The Rat is a real family person and devoted to their loved ones and family. At home, does not reveal any of the mean personality traits.
Rats make good advisers to others but not to themselves and are generous to those they truly love even if not loved back.

Rats are also hardworking and thrifty and able to sense danger. Are honest and meticulous and intelligent.
On the negative side, Rats are practical but lack courage. Can be extravagant and greedy. If the Rat is not careful, the greedy side of the Rat could lead to all kinds of trouble.
Rats are secretive, self-indulging and self-seeking. They love to critize and gossip. Rats should avoid being over-work and being over-ambitious.
Avoid trusting another Rat or those born in the year of the Rabbit and Ram.
Positive Traits Meticulous, intelligent, shrewd, charismatic, charming, ambitious, practical, industrious, eloquent, artistic
Negative Traits Controlling, obstinate, venal, resentful, manipulative, mendacious, vindictive, power-driven, critical

The zodiacal Sign of Taurus commences on April 20th, but for seven days it does not come into its full power until on or about April 27th. From this date onwards it is in full strength until May 20th, and is then for seven days gradually losing its strength on account of becoming overlapped by the "cusp" of the incoming sign Gemini.

Taurus is the sign of practicality and possessions. People born under the sign of Taurus tend to be very patient, practical and dedicated people. Such people are usually very cautious when dealing with people, life and money. They have a curious power of dominating others, even when not conscious of trying to do so.

People who were born in that time are extremely faithful, with a strong need for security and a settled routine. Although they are very earthy, they can also be highly romantic and sensitive when it comes to love.

They have great power of endurance, both physical and mental, and can pass through enormous strains of fatigue as long as the excitement or determination lasts.

They make wonderful hosts and hostesses, and have great taste about food, and in the management of their houses they can make much out of little.

These people often become excellent directors, have good business intuition, but are generally considered richer than they really are, as they always dress well and look well.

They are governed by their sensations and by their loving nature, but affection has a greater hold on them than passion. Such people are also warm and sensual, with an appreciation of the fine things in life. Taurus is motivated by a need for security; this sign is good for business matters and can be trusted to carry things through with absolute care. These people are very strong-willed and often quite creative. The Moon is exalted in Taurus, giving success with matters to do with the public and, combined with the influence of Venus, a passionate nature endowed with a strong sense of loyalty and fidelity. They are kind and generous with friends, with whom they develop an unspoken rapport.

If they love, they are generous to the last degree, and will consider no sacrifice too great for the person they care for; if they are enemies, they will fight with the most determined obstinacy. But they always fight in the open, for they hate trickiness, double-dealing, or deceit.

They are easily influenced by their surroundings, and become morbid and morose when trying to live under uncongenial conditions.

They are also too easily misled by their emotions, sensations, or affections.

As a rule both sexes are jealous in their disposition, and their jealousy often drives them into acts of violence or sudden exhibition of temper, which they bitterly regret when the storm is over.

They are at their best are typically strong and silent, but often appear ignorant and willfully obstinate to others.

They have an innate sense of harmony, rhythm and color, and often are very successful in music, poetry and art. Those born in this sign have an ability to become the most faithful, loyal friends. They also make good, patient nurses and healers, and almost all have a keen love of gardening and flowers

Bargaining

What I didn't tell yet about my treatment

LOL, oops....
Today I was talking with some of the clients and came to my mind my behavior in treatment,lol.
So let's start from the beginning.

how I showed up there:

I showed up there very arrogant, telling them what they should be doing

sex games???? I was the best.. Got 3 BC. 2 of them in primary treatment, 1 at halfway house

deviation??? yep, twice. Told counselor that I was going to dentist, went to meet a guy who was in primary with me.. just had a coffee with him, lol.
second time, went to the movies with my ex boyfriend at that time during my weekend pass.

threat of violence??? yep, more than I can remember...mostly when I was confronted, lol

did I abscond???? yes I did. I was almost done with treatment ( 2 weeks missing), when I had my last and huge fight with the men who were with me in treatment.
I remember at that morning they came to wake me up and I said: Fuck off.:(
I waited for my counselor, and I had my suite cases at the door, and I told him: I am leaving.
he said: wait a minute, let's talk about it, just give me a minute. I didn't, I took off.
I still have a resentment with that, because I was alone with 20 men, and they knew it they were making my life miserable, since day 1. Was my 5th month and they didn't anything about it. The night monitor kept telling them, what was going on beetween me and them, but their answer was: if you can handle live with 20 men here, you will be able to handle with any kind of men outside.
well, that didn't make an expert, like I believe that it would, lol.
I hated them so muchhhhhhh.
My duties was all the time cooking. I got into a fight because of that. Their answer was that I was the only one who knew how to cook.
I stole a lot of cigarettes to them, lol.... was caught!lol
I confronted them in front of their counselors just to make them look bad, when they was looking so good, lol... I was mean!!! :)
I still hold that resentment, because I still wonder if I had become more successfully than them, lol

Overwhelmed day

I had my caseload today. I looked around, were there 11 clients, and then I thought that just two of them will successed. Made me sad. I kept thinking what else could i have done for them, how could I change the future.Criminal minds but also brilliante minds who made poor decisions. I know I did my best, I did what I knew at this time.
Today is a overwhelemed day. Every one is like that today. All of us struggle yesterday, and that ahd an affect...break all of us down. 3 of them ran, one of them was my client. The first thought I had was: I should give her more atention. Maybe I am still very egocentric by thinking was my fault. I say that because when I think was my fault is like if I had power or control over, and I DON'T!
I am just a counselor, a guide, no more no less. Watching them go, is like one peace of me is gone. The only thing came out of my mouth was: my baby is gone. Is the way I look to them, lost children, who had learn to survive by doing criminal behaivor.
Yesterday I kept hearing a client saying: I have anger issues, and I am here to learn". She is been saying that since her first day. So yesterday I answer to that: " your time is up; it;s time now to say the true. So , tell me, who broke your heart? your mother or father?
She broke down, crying so hard she couldn't stop. She had a panic attack. I gave her a bag to breath, and she was crying and screamming. The lady from JQT kept asking: why she is crying, God!!! doing a wierd face. I look to her and I thought: you dont have a clue what you are asking me, do you.
That client was with her big sister, the one she hated until yesterday. I asked her:
ow many years you didnt cry?
she said 7 years. I dont cry for 7 years.
I knew that panic attack was because of that.
today she told me: hey, I am feeling wierd. I am calm, and I even walk, and talk slow.
she is in peace.
I remember that sensation.

Health care f.... up

Splitting this in two realities

USA

I am been sick without a clue what was going on. I kept throwing up, and had red spots coming from I don't know where. Is not very normal for me to get sick, so when I starting feel right way that something is going wrong with me.
I started feeling dizzy, and cold, and have the need to get a jacket in summer time, so that told me that something was wrong.
Told my husband: cannot go walk the dogs, I am feeling sick.
His answer: no you are not!
YES I AM! I CAN FEEL IT!
I kept throwing up, and sweating while I was cold.
Monday night: I had a huge stomach pain. I couldn't move with that pain. Why? I don’t know. What I know is people gave me heartburn to take.
Isn't unbeliever??? I took Advil, and heartburn!
Been like this for 4 days.

Tuesday:

I was telling the reactions to my supervisor. I know I was sick, but I couldn't tell what was. He breaks it down for me by saying: maybe is food poison.
I open the refrigerator, and there it was the answer....MUSSLUMS.

PORTUGAL

Get sick, don't know what is??? Simple, emergency room, test, results in 4 hours, meds prescription, (the right meds)
COST? 0
Time to fix the problem? 1 day.

Well, I don't need to keep going on this, right? It’s clear the difference
look now in this video my hospital in Lisbon...luxury, and free

The law of attraction

My mentor told me :Great leaders make decisions quickly and change their minds slowly. Unsuccessful people make decisions slowly and change their minds quickly.
I cant finger out where I belong. Maybe one of this days I will finger out.
I came to work and I found out one of my clients left. I wasn't expect, and no one was.
Dammmmmmm, I felt it! I feel sad.
I felt her lost, I even became overwhelmed, which is not abnormal because, I am already overwhelmed with the things in my life that aren't going like I believe it could.
my first thought was, what I didn't do for her; did I miss anything? Did she need me more? all this questions came to my mind. what I could do I didn't do?
A lost child went to hit the pipe again. I know she will come back, and that time she would be stronger.
believe or not I see her as one day become a counselor, or a good sponsor.
she will come back, one day.
I looked to the clients and all of them were overwhelmed, and was a very negative environment. They were scared, and close. I thought : yep, they were.

Yesterday I saw a show, and they were saying that we need to imagine our future, a good future, and the universe will give us that, the low of attraction.
Made great sense to me. was like I found a new way to exercise my spirit.
I kept thinking if I could imagine my future in my Love e area, and sanely I had a vision of a 4/7 years old boy, very blond running in living room.
the low of attraction makes us believe that will be possible. We attract good energy.
But for that to happen we have to make good decisions.
we decide first, we which after.
surrender...

That is, a person's thoughts (conscious and unconscious), emotions, and beliefs cause a change in the physical world that attracts positive or negative experiences that correspond to the aforementioned thoughts, with or without the person taking action to attain such experiences. This process has been described as "harmonious vibrations of the law of attraction",or "you get what you think about; your thoughts determine your experience".
OK, then, so how I see myself, my future:
I see myself as making a difference. I want to find out something never found before. prove something.
I see myself as recognize one of the best counselors in world.
I see myself be a speaker, giving classes to the counselors.
I see myself publishing a book.
I see myself being owner of a treatment center with my mentor.
I see a big American house, my house.
I see me more spiritual, not argumentative.
I see myself in peace.
I see myself having an animal shelter.
I see myself as a lcdc.
I see myself as a international counselor.
this is what I which
the law of attraction says if I which I get it:) I hope so.

Sex and Recovery

Yesterday at lunch time I notice the clients started to say:

- NO bread, NO butter please

- NO, NO, NO butter, NO bread

Those are the elders and the 3b, so that means they are the ones who are almost done with their treatment.
I went over them and I said: no butter and bread hum??!! So, who are the ones getting ready to have sex???
Mostly of them put their hands up, some putted both hands.
They started laugh, and saying they have to lose weight, what I answer:
Why at the end of you treatment? You are losing weigh now because you are making yourself ready to have sex.
And they agree with what I said.
I thought: I need to make them land in treatment again, but I can not say that isn’t ok to have sex so soon, so I need to find away…other ways to send the message, and let them thing that was their idea, not mine.

Today at 9 am my brain started work, and I had an amazing idea.
Called them up, and I circle all of them.
I told to 5 of them to go to the middle of the circle with pillows.
No one understood what was going on, the counselor must be crazy, lol.
Then I said:

One at the time goes beat up the pillows, and I wanted you to say: I hate you because…..
Guess what showed up????

I hate you because you molested me

I hate you because you left me alone with our children

I hate you because you abandoned me

I hate you mom because you never care for me

I hate you because you died

I hated because I was just a little girl

I hate you because I am tired to been abused by men

I hate you because is my second time in treatment

I hate you because you destroy my life

I hate because you was messing around


All of them started crying, because they were feeling their own pain, and their sister’s pain
They knew exactly what their sisters were feeling, because they are one of them, in these abusive relationships.

At 10 am I circle them up again, and the group was an audio book named: verbally abusive relationships.

The message is simple: what is beyond, hide sex?

What comes with sex?

What is next?

Are you ready to have sex without to be abuse?

Can you handle it now?

Are you sure that is what matters?

Are you sure??

What really happens when you have sex?

What you have not been talking about?

What is the reality?

I believe now they are not horny anymore

At the end I told them:

so you still want to have sex? :) welcome to treatment again:


11.30 am all of them ate bread :) ;)

Today

I am so tired today. I was thinking why I ma so tired. I thought about my work, and I came to realize that I work almost the same, so couldn't be my work. I am feeling overwhelmed,and I realized I am emotional tired. Is in this time I think I am not being good to myself. I feel too much, when is about me. I found out when I am tired is when I take off, lol, what some call ADD, lol. Is like my brain is about to explode. One of the things that relax me is when I am double staff I take off and I go talk with my supervisor. I don't know why but I feel in peace when I am talking with him. other thing is doing individual sessions. when I do I feel in peace. right, I don't know why!!!! while I was writing this , I realized the reason I get peace is because I stop obsessed over me, and give attention to others. today I already did 4 individual sessions, and I am in peace, but also bored. in the morning I picked up " my favorite clients" to start my morning well. when I say favorite clients is the ones who make me laugh. Today I am tired, and bored!

blackmail vs relapse pervention

IF SOMEONE TELLS YOU:


- Why do you still need to go to 12 steps meetings???

- You are an ex. addict

- Your kind; your kind of people

- A normal person wouldn't date an ex. addict /addict

- You need to be away of NA people, in order to forget the past


OK, so now let's translate all of this.... what is beyond this? What is the message?

Simple;

First, someone like this has high level of intelligence, because words like that can have a huge impact, and end up killing someone.

If you are not aware of what this means, if you can not translate it right way, you wouldn't be able to change the way you think, and at the end you will end up feeling guilty.
Once you feel that powerful feeling named guilty, you are condoned!

Translation:

QUESTION - Why do you still need to go to 12 steps meetings???

TRANSLATION - I should be the most important thing in your life, not the meetings

QUESTION - you are ex. addict

TRANSLATION - you don't need them, you have me

QUESTION - - your kind; your kind of people

TRANSLATION - YOUR kind = abnormal = problematic = weak = different = alien = E.T., lol

QUESTION - - You need to be away of NA people, in order to forget the past

TRANSLATION - You need to live for me

Skill manipulators hum:)

This manipulation is quite, yet they are powerful effective.
Often these instances of manipulation get label miscommunication, but at the end this just has one name - power struggles - EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL = VAMPIRES.
Something like that will lead you to feel guilty, and to feel you are a bad person, or uncapable to have a relationship, BUT, if you learn how to translate this you will find out what is beyond this.
Beyond this is a very skill manipulator who is very insecure and codependent.
This person is terrified. This person believes that he/she is going to lose you if you be around of other people.
I asked my client what they would do in a situation like this. the answers were many.
one of them said:
" if you really love me you would let me go"
to that I reply: well, you are almost saying to him how sorry you are to be an addict.
Mostly of the answers were like this one. the person feels the need to apologise for the need to go to a meeting, or apologise to be who they are... mostly of them they used the word : IF YOU..... LOVE ME, CARE FOR ME, ETC...

IF doesn't happen....keep it real! they don't love you already.
they don't have space for you in their egocentric world.
I believe that love is understanding, compassion, friendship
the manipulators are what we called = emotional not available.
the clients asked :
what you would say?
I would say:
I go because I want to, because I have that right!
Be assertive.
here the thing, when you let people emotional abuse you, is half way for them to get the other 2.... verbal abuse, physical abuse.
Your inside right way tells you that something is wrong, that no one should tell you those things. If you don't knowledge become self doubt, and self doubt can take the form of statement" I know what I know, but I can't know it"

why?
because if I face reality, that means I will no longer be in denial, and then I will have to make a hard decision = let go the person, break up, lost of the person, and as an addicts we even don't like to loose a button.
Our knowlege feels unconfortable, dangerous, and we feel we cant face the changes we had have to make if we accepted our perceptions as true.

denial - self manipulation

maybe he isnt so bad
maybe he needs more attention
I should understand him more

continue....